I am married and have a 3 year old son. Before he was born, me and my husband thought how wonderful it would be to have 2-3 children. I was 35 when he was born, so we didn’t have lots of time on our side. Since he’s been here, I’ve felt completely as if it’s the three of us, I’m content with that and we don’t need more children. For many reasons, stemming from not wanting to change to relationship with my son, to worries about climate change and the future.
My career is also going well and I have the right balance between work and home life, having been given some great opportunities.
I’m now 38, and not too far off 39, and I just found out I’m not pregnant. I don’t feel how I think I should feel. I feel a bit numb. I know I’m very lucky for this to happen at this age, but why do I feel like this? Is it just that it doesn’t feel real? I’ve had such anxiety for the last few weeks, before I found out, which I think is hormones. It was enough to make me think I should get signed off work - I didn’t.
Selfishly I don’t want to let work down after they’ve given me these opportunities. Also, I am just so so so tired after the last two years of balancing work, often without childcare when lockdowns were happening. My son would wake up every two hours for 2.5 years through the night and I still feel exhausted. I’m on a waiting list for physiotherapy as I get an achey back and my hip is weak from the last pregnancy. I also sometimes wonder if there’s a little trauma about pregnancy and childbirth. My son was over 10lbs, and after an induction was born by emergency section after his heart kept dropping.
Apologies that this is a woe is me story. I feel I needed to vent, but I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. My husband is so excited.