Cancelling plans

[workingtheusername]

Me and my (adult ) dd are in a debate. I think it's rude to cancel plans last minute without a good reason ie medical emergency. My dd thinks I need to chill and it's ok to cancel if something comes up as long as you haven't paid for anything/already set off. So for example if I arranged a night out with a friend and they cancelled that day for anything other than illness/emergency I would be annoyed. They should let me know sooner. But my daughter says things come up and it's ok to switch things round. What do you guys think AIBU?

It depends what the plans are IMO.

A coffee at someone's house or a dog walk? Meh, no big deal to cancel or say you don't fancy it/would rather stay home.

But something that's been pre-paid or that involves a lot of organising is different and should be adhered to.

To a certain extent I think it depends how many people are involved. So, fi, Id feel less bad about cancelling at the last minute for my book club (dozen of us) than I would if it were just me an 1 friend due to meet up.

It depends on what it is, if I'm meeting up with my parents for lunch in a cafe I think it's fine to postpone at short notice if I feel a bit

Too soon

A bit off, or get a better offer whereas not something arranged for weeks

I agree with you, it's incredibly rude. However, as a teenager it wouldn't have annoyed me anywhere as much as it does now. I still wouldn't have done it myself, but if someone cancelled on me then chances are I'd not made any special effort for whatever it was and would have been happy to go alone or would have other options. Now I'll have booked a babysitter, made an effort with makeup etc, maybe booked leave with work etc. Definitely would put me out much more now

Rude in my book - but then I'm the sort of person who if I commit to something I follow it through.
The other person/people might have rearranged their schedule/turned something else down so they could go out. Anything other than an unavoidable /unforseen incident and you should go as arranged. Leg hanging off - send apologies. Just don't fancy it can we go some other time - rude.

@workingtheusername

Me and my (adult ) dd are in a debate. I think it's rude to cancel plans last minute without a good reason ie medical emergency. My dd thinks I need to chill and it's ok to cancel if something comes up as long as you haven't paid for anything/already set off. So for example if I arranged a night out with a friend and they cancelled that day for anything other than illness/emergency I would be annoyed. They should let me know sooner. But my daughter says things come up and it's ok to switch things round. What do you guys think AIBU?

I think next time you have plans together, you should cancel at the last minute and see what her reaction is to being cancelled on. I suspect she only thinks others need to 'chill', not herself.

I think next time you have plans together, you should cancel at the last minute and see what her reaction is to being cancelled on. I suspect she only thinks others need to 'chill', not herself.

This! My ex-friend always thought she was soooooo "chill". Late for everything, constantly challenging, not bothering to reply etc.

However if you let her down.... woe betide you. Classic case of thinking her own time was more important that anyone else's.

@Ponoka7

My youngest DD, 23 and her friend have your Dad's attitude and it suits their group. Sometimes they plan to do something after work, but then don't feel like it, so cancel on the day. If it involved traveling, hair do etc, then they wouldn't. But as your DD says if money hasn't been spend, then it's fine. This is how you find your friendship group. It isn't up to anyone else to declare it rude, or wrong.

Yes it's a mutual thing in the group. I wondered if it was a generational thing x

Tbf it was a friend that cancelled last minute my dd was surprised I was irritated. Dd wouldn't cancel on me I'm usually paying 😂