AIBU to offer to drop/collect neighbour's child?

[JustUseTheDoorSanta]

Neighbour has some health issues, we don't know what exactly but he is visibly increasingly slow taking their DC to school and recently started using a stick. We exchange a few words, so friendly but not friends. It's a fairly short walk to school, and would be just a few metres further to that gate than dropping our DC, so zero hassle for us to drop or collect. I think it would be nice to offer in case he is struggling too much, just casually as "if you want us to drop/collect any day just text" and not mentioning his walking issues. DH thinks the neighbour likes being out and maintaining the independence despite obvious pain, but more importantly thinks the neighbour might be offended if we offer. Thoughts?

if you want us to drop/collect any day just text

Perfect.

Ignore your male-pride husband, don’t let him stop you being a kind community member.

It's a kind thing to offer, especially the way you worded it. If it was me, I wouldn't be offended. It's always nice to know there is help available for any bad mornings

I think this is a lovely idea and I'd imagine your neighbour would appreciate it. Maybe he does like doing the school run to get out a bit but if he is struggling it would be nice for him to know that he can call on you on days that he can't manage it.

I would definitely appreciate that, especially at the moment (we pretty much skated to school today)

Your message will be perfect

I think that would be appreciated and gives him an out if he doesn't want to. But on a really bad day it might mean the world to him.

Sounds just right. Do it. As pp said, it's winter and potentially icy.

Ignore the chest thumping male that is your DH.

I'd go with something more along the lines of

'We're going past your house on the school run anyway and wondered if your kids would like to come with us? Everyday or just some days, whichever you/they'd prefer'

Something a wee bit more easy to accept than just 'let me know if you need help' type message.

Having been in hospital after an accident & being unable to many things when I came home, it was much easier when people offered specific things in a direct manner. Rather than just let me know if you need help. My neighbours were kind, but the ones that said things like 'if you leave your rubbish on your step, we'll take it to the (outside communal) bin. Or if you leave your washing basket at the door I'll pop in to hang your washing out. Or the neighbour who pooped her head around the door when she was going to the shops to see if I needed any shopping/prescription collected etc.

Your help may make the world of difference to him. He might be very thankful of morning drop offs, but prefer do the afternoon collections himself when it's not so icy/cold/a rush!

I think that’s really kind thought, I would offer yes

@NoSquirrels

if you want us to drop/collect any day just text

Perfect.

Ignore your male-pride husband, don’t let him stop you being a kind community member.

This. Wot @NoSquirrels said.

YANBU

Offer casually without mentioning you think he may be struggling. Even if he doesn’t take you up on it regularly, most people would be glad to know they can ask you if they need to and would appreciate the thought.

Personally I would not offer - or ever even entertain doing it every day. It will become a bind and you will not enjoy the loss of freedom. If for example your child is being bullied, has a concert or exam or you've had an argument over toothpaste at 8.11am then you will want to be able to focus on them during the school run. However your text sounds perfect and taking them once a week on particularly icy or difficult days will mean the world.

@BottlingBurpsForGrandma

Personally I would not offer - or ever even entertain doing it every day. It will become a bind and you will not enjoy the loss of freedom. If for example your child is being bullied, has a concert or exam or you've had an argument over toothpaste at 8.11am then you will want to be able to focus on them during the school run. However your text sounds perfect and taking them once a week on particularly icy or difficult days will mean the world.

It’s just a short walk

Sounds perfect, OP. You haven't assumed or said anything offensive, just breezily offered help if needed. Up to him to accept or not, with no pressure.

Sounds like a nice offer - no pressure if they don’t want and you’re not implying they can’t do it - also if they like the walk, great; but you’re leaving the door open if they are ver struggling

We once had three families from nearby houses all going to the same primary school. Nobody had any issues but knowing we would all take/collect any of the children was helpful. Especially so when one sibling was ill and the other going to school.

I think you’re lovely offering help, I’ve had severe mobility problems throughout my DC’s school years and although most of the time I like to power on through the pain, knowing that on a really bad day there’s some who would willingly help would be a weight of my mind and a wonderful safety net for my DC

So ignore your DH you did a kind thing

Nothing wrong to offer, the worst he'll say is no thanks.

I am in the same situation as your neighbour, it is a real struggle and my health has deteriorated dramatically over the course of a year. It is very hard when you have such a sea change in your abilities to navigate everything with much reduced abilities.

I would absolutely love it if someone offered this to me and would be very grateful indeed. No-one has offered though (which is fine) so I have offered to take others so at least I do less trips and it is more or less reciprocal.

I think JasmineGarden worded it very well: 'We're going past your house on the school run anyway and wondered if your kids would like to come with us? Everyday or just some days, whichever you/they'd prefer'

Thanks all. We will see them socially soon, so I think that would be an easy opportunity to drop it into conversation with it seeming normally neighborly rather than major.

I think its nice to offer as long as you genuinely don't mind if it became, every day there and back.

I think your husband has a point that some walking is probably good for your neighbour, but it sounds like they would appreciate your help sometimes. You’ve already got the right plan and it’s nice to be nice.

I’m severely disabled and whilst still trying to retain some dignity and quality of life Ivwould appreciate the option of having a day off now and then. It’s a kind offer and very considerate of their feelings. 💐

"It's just a short walk"

I know that and I think occasionally would be absolutely fine and kind - I was replying the poster who suggested offering every day which personally I think OP might come to resent... better to offer a little ad hoc help that's sustainable and works for everyone than daily support that abruptly ends imo.

@Beautiful3

I think its nice to offer as long as you genuinely don't mind if it became, every day there and back.

We have a couple of days we aren't collecting, but there are other families in the road who could (and I'm 99% sure would) help if needed, again with very little extra effort. Actually for one household it would be even less effort than for us. In an emergency we could do it anyway; the DC are lovely and very well behaved.

@Gilead

I’m severely disabled and whilst still trying to retain some dignity and quality of life Ivwould appreciate the option of having a day off now and then. It’s a kind offer and very considerate of their feelings. 💐

Thanks, I appreciate your view that it comes across ok. The last thing we would want to do is make him feel bad.