Primary school unauthorised absence?

[wombleflump]

AIBU my DC started school during the pandemic and now in year one. Due to the chaos of school closing and rules I have been relaxed about things. Unfortunately my DC has a vomiting bug the week before Christmas and had to miss her last week including the play etc. She was upset about this but she was literally throwing up everywhere! So anyway the school announces after the new year that I need to produce a doctors note, appointment letter or prescription medicine otherwise the absence is unauthorised as was five days before the end of term. This is the first I heard of it.
Should I have know about it?
Obviously she doesn’t and didn’t need any of this evidence for DV.
They told me not to bring her in when I called in entered it on the app!
Am I being AIBU?
Now I feel a bit rubbish about it.

Yes I’m saying I am guilty of the lateness artsy said Mea culpa over this. I’d rather they had maybe just mentioned it to me at report day.
She got a great school report no one has said anything. I’m
Not saying I’ve not been too relaxed but I’m
Not a flake thanks !

*already

I wouldn’t have taken mine to a dr etc for a vomiting bug that lasted 5 days, sometimes they can stop then start vomiting again a day or so later, as long as they were ok taking oral fluids and not lethargic I wouldn’t bother the gp unless I was worried about lethargy/dehydration or something else. I’ve never had this nonsense with unauthorised absence if I call and say my child is sick and can’t come to school then that’s it. Sometimes we are late, my youngest has additional needs and struggles in a morning and we have been moved in temp housing right across the city so it takes ages to drive to school on top of everything else. School are fine as I’m rarely late usually harassed but I do my best.

Your school sounds very uptight op, I hope your child is better and the school get some perspective

It is not medical evidence but can you screenshot your phone history for that week showing that you barely left the house over those five days? Obviously not the same as a medical letter but it might reassure them that you weren't off on holiday. They may still think that you were isolating due to concerns about covid and Christmas plans but it might make you feel better if they know you stayed at home.

I am guilty also that I do not
Always carefully read the emails they send. They are always sending letters. I have constant emails from work. Nursery. The court case I am also running. I’m trying to relocate. I sometimes
Miss the school letters but try my best!

I work full time plus extra at nights.
How much can one person do.
Ok being late that I can change!

@wombleflump

I work full time plus extra at nights. How much can one person do. Ok being late that I can change!

Maybe should have done it back at the start of term? It's not fair on your child always being the late one.

Thanks for all the judgmental comments . I said I was in the wrong already and was
Going to correct it going forward. No ones perfect!

I don't think it's to do with lateness it's procedure in our school for proof to be provided if absence is over 5 days.
Last time DS was ill I got him a telephone app and the doctor sent me a text for proof we spoken to a doctor. Another time I sent them his COVID test results has proof cause it took days for the results to come in.

It sounds like you have a lot going on.
Nothing you can do about what's happened in the past, dust it off and focus on getting there in time going forward.

Op my dc both vomit a lot.
In fact dc2 was sick tues 2am so should have been ok for school thrusday but then was sick again thursday am. Grr. So we're both very tired and she made it to school today (so after about 31h not 48. I feel bad but.
1 i am convinced its not a bug. As no one else is.ill. Shes 7 and has teeth coming out so i think reflux. Plus we haven t been anywhere inside since 19th dec so 16 days earlier nor had visitors. So not a d&v bug and too long for covid incubation too.
2 having 48h between the sickness is odd in itself and suggests my dc wasnt ill. In fact both times she has woken up very hungry whilst i.try to avoid milk etc.

Unfortunately dc was also ill pre xmas with stomach ache that went on and off for days and temp but this was within 48h of the flu spray so very likely that. (2 other kids were ill the same time).

So mines had 5 days off total since sept. Genuinely ill. But i doubt for mine it would look like i took dc on holiday as dc1 was in school all the days. (Again strangely hasnt caught anything).

Imo it seems like kids are ill less than they are because i bet very few actually adhere to.the 48h or necessarily any time at all. Especially if it joins onto.a holiday so the school dont already know the kid was ill at the weekend etc. So.sick sunday sometime - back at school monday or tues when it may have supposed to.be wed. So comparatively a kid who does the 48h is having 1-2 extra days off for.every bug.
I think part of the 48h rule is that kids can get sick again if you had been removing say dairy after illness and then they go back to normal diet they can be sick again. We've certainly had 5 days off for dc1. But otoh dc1 had y2 i think with 100% attendance so it depends a lot.
Considering we havent been going out since covid so all our kids bugs have been from school (2 colds already since sept and 2 last academic year) its a bit much for parents to be getting blame.

We also have issues in the mornings. Its because dc1 is very pda so wont do anything.

I was reading that possibly there was a link between asd kids having more stomach issues. But anyway there seems to be huge variations in how often kids get sick bugs. Dc2 seems to.be getting them about 6monthly now. But 2019 sept - covid was sick about 8 times at 4yo. Vs i heard a mum saying her 2 had never been sick. I suppose the q is what is the actual adherence to 48h rule so is it helping anything. As really it does affect those who - have allergies that make them sick/reflux/sick from anxiety.

I used to go back to the office the next day so maybe around 12-30h and there wasnt then huge work outbreaks. But ive noticed often that when dc are sick (precovid) me and dp will get a cold instead. Also apparently you can be asymptomatic so the other child/adult are probably spreading the bug anyway

If your child is sick you have to keep them off school for 48 hours anyway.
I would reply and say you didn't go to a Dr but will in future.
Don't get fixated on it being recorded that you are late. Schools have to record it - the parent app has a facility to show it. If they were concerned they would talk to you about it.
Do factor in the actual journey time in rush hour not what you think it should be. And ditto for getting your little one ready. I'm spelling it out cos ive been where you are and you just have to swop your times. Maybe use Alexa to tell you all to leave the house. Kids obey her more readily than me sometimes.
5 days of vomiting is a worry tho - I'd take myself to the Dr if I was ill that long. You sound exhausted. It's OK to go you know what I dropped a ball there and then forgive yourself.
Do school offer access to early help etc. We got amazing support from a social worker - she really buoyed me up when my ex left. Its worth asking - it's not shameful it shows you have kids best interests at heart.

Op she’s only in year 1, you said you didn’t realise about the lateness being recorded, now you do for the future for both kids. You seem to be getting a bashing on here and it can’t be helping you very much! Try getting it in your head school starts ten minutes earlier than it does so aim for that. In the great scheme of things I doubt you’re barely on the schools radar, they’re just letting you know she’s fallen below the attendance rate. Stop beating yourself and just try to be there on time from now on. It will get easier, honestly it will.

There are just things harder as a single parent. Yo have to carry a sick sibling child in car to take the other to school. You can’t take the kids to school and isolate when you have COVID. The kids have been through a difficult break up and
Sometimes they test boundaries. My xdp is abusive and I have a restraining order. I’m not allowed to relocate near my family until the court case looks at the issues and they are delaying that due to Covid. It’s all quite hard and I have been trying my best. I’m not perfect though.

Next time they try this, take in a bucket of vomit and dump it on the head teachers desk

I'd ignore them my son started school in September, I've had two letters like that, I went in with the second one and they said its lateness aswell not just illness, basically its to put the frighteners up you, a doctor wouldnt give a note anyway unless its more then 5 days you get a self certificate of sickness dont you, thats what I used to get for work.

My son is pretty much always late, hes a right pain, SEN with terrible anxiety.

School attendance rules are very silly at times. For example, in 2019 when I was unaware of the illness rules, ds1 started to vomit. I called the school then. On the Wednesday, he got worse so I made a gp appointment for him. The following week I got a letter. They authorised Monday and the days after Wednesday.
Tuesday was left unauthorised, because I didn't call. I now know I need to call everyday dc are off from school.

There was also a mix up with an another student with the same name. The attendance officer fixed the error.

Maybe ask for an appointment with the attendance officer, a chat with that person can help you know the exact issue. Instead of posters guessing.

This sort of thing really pisses me off.

If a child is ill then they should be able to miss school without the school or in most cases the LEA issuing letters, fines etc. Complete madness to expect a vomiting child to be taken to the GP purely for a doctors note. I doubt the doctor would even write a note.

We have a very bad culture of both presentism and also of punishing absences in both school and work. We would all be healthier if people were more actively encouraged to stay home when ill.

Schools are an absolute hot bed for illnesses and it is almost impossible for a child to remain completely well every year let alone in a pandemic.

Sorry you've been having a hard time OP.

OP, I like and admire your attitude.

You've got a hell of a lot on your plate. It must be hard being a single parent with your ex in the back of your mind. Your DD got a good school report - be proud of her and yourself.

You now know how the system works, what's being monitored, so you're going to start afresh with making sure your DD is at school on time.

Perhaps give the school a call and chat with DD's teacher about what's been happening at home.

Perhaps look into a childminder for your DS? He might be better suited to that.

They've both been through a rough time by the sounds of it. It might take a while before they re-adjust into some family routines that work for you.

@Lauren1983

This sort of thing really pisses me off.

If a child is ill then they should be able to miss school without the school or in most cases the LEA issuing letters, fines etc. Complete madness to expect a vomiting child to be taken to the GP purely for a doctors note. I doubt the doctor would even write a note.

We have a very bad culture of both presentism and also of punishing absences in both school and work. We would all be healthier if people were more actively encouraged to stay home when ill.

Schools are an absolute hot bed for illnesses and it is almost impossible for a child to remain completely well every year let alone in a pandemic.

Sorry you've been having a hard time OP.

To be fair, MN was awash before Christmas with posters saying they were going to keep their DC off school the week before Christmas to help avoid infection. Any teacher who uses MN will probably be questioning any of their students' absence, particularly if it's for more than a few days for a bug that generally clears in a few days (followed by the 48 hr rule).

Things like this piss me off.

Ds attendance is currently 62% due to his SCHOOL not letting him attend full time.

He has Additional needs (in year 3) he's never had full time education in either of his schools, (1 x mainstream, 1 x special) always down to the school imposing (illegal) part time timetables on him. Usually in for mornings and sent home at / around lunch, despite many many arguments / meetings over the years when I say no it's illegal / not on / not having it etc etc.

Winds me up, then I read they go after parents with poorly kids or those who are late or those who dare to take their kids on a weeks holiday etc etc, but when it suits them they don't give a fuck about a child's attendance. Double standards.

I get attendance newsletters from ds special school reminding parents of their obligation to ensure Dc's attend regularly, then they only let ds stay until lunch, fucking cheek of it!

I've never once had a complaint regarding ds attendance or referred to education welfare, despite his attendance being as low as it is, but then i won't hear anything when it's the schools doing. Corrupt.

In terms of the youngest refusing to dress, I found a calm and matter of fact threat to take them to nursery/school in their PJs (with the full intent of doing so if necessary) really worked. If it really comes to it, at nursery they won't be the first to be delivered that way and will likely put up no fight when their nursery carer asks them to do it. Once DC knows it doesn't work any more, they will give up the tactic.
DD1 once got as far as the nursery car park before she asked to put on her clothes in the car before going in, but we never had to go so far as to drop her off PJ-ed. After that, on the rare occassion she tried it, and with DD2 later, they always dressed once I started walking out of the door to pack the car (5 mins early to give time to quickly change them if they saw sense at the 11th hour ). Past experience and seeing me with calm determination and their clothes in a bag stopped the nonsense.
The other thing that worked for us was discovering that breakfast was a huge motivator (particularly for DD2). Nobody gets their breakfast until they're dressed and teeth are brushed. This has stopped a lot of faffing/sneaking off to play with toys. It might be something other than food for your DCs, but you need to find something they want that you can withhold until the 'boring' bits are done (an episode of their favourite TV show if you have time? Quick Kitchen Disco to their favourite song?).

Thanks …. If only I was the sort of person who could do kitchen disco in the morning! Unfortunately this is never going to happen😂

@Charmatt

5 days off vomiting would warrant a GP appointment. Even if it was 3 days vomiting plus 48 hours then that's too long not to seek a doctor's opinion.

Your daughter should be back in school as soon as she is well and the isolation period has passed. Even if there is only one day left until the end of term.

I agree it looks suspicious tagged on to a holiday.

Dont agree. I wouldnt dream of consulting a doctor for a 3 day vomiting bug unless the child was getting dangerously dehydrated.

OP find out how much your doctor charges for a letter then ask the school to confirm they are happy to cover this. They'll backtrack quick as quick. But yes, get her to school in time, it's really disruptive for the class if there are children coming in late.

At our school being constantly late is not accepted. It’s all recorded on their file and treated like an absence