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AIBU?

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Toxic workplace

7 replies

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 06/01/2022 23:56

Regular and long term here and have read many threads over the years and know many of you have good wisdom and ideas that you freely share so have posted this in Aibu for the traffic

I've just finished a 12 hour day working with the most toxic person I've come across and after two days of the hostile and tense and spiteful atmosphere I can take no more but here is the dilemma

So the toxic person is the business owner.
Think small office type sales environment.

There are four of us one being the owner and another owner (bosses sister) that does our admin etc but rarely makes an appearance

I have worked there for over 10 years another member for four years and the newest recruit 6 months.

The owner works part time but makes it obvious he doesn't want to be there. Think ideally he would stop working but keep us his minions running round like his little people.
Yes it's that bad.

Now over the last few months bosses behaviour toward us all has got worse and worse.
Spiteful comments about clothing looking scruffy and needing sorting out in front of other people to being accused of stealing on more than one occasion.

We get told off if we don't make a certain amount of sales per week and due to covid and it being January (a quiet time for us) we are getting constantly told we are lucky the business is still going as they can't even afford to pay their bills etc and we will be lucky to get paid this month if we carry on ??!! Because the business is struggling etc.

It's just getting more and more toxic and I've come home tonight and actually ended up crying for an hour on my 16 year old who is the calmest and sensible girl her age I know bless her.

He seems to pick on one worse than any of us to the extreme where it's personal comments etc but I literally just can't take it anymore

It's affecting my mental health and I'm dreading going to work on the days the boss is in. We all do.

Literally everything that comes out of his mouth is negative towards us all and Hel go and moan about us to the other boss and then I get her on the phone (as I was leaving tonight) basically slagging the other staff member off saying I should have the bosses back etc.
because of my time there I've been there from the beginning and I've watched the business grow and worked closely with them so I seem to have ended up being the middle one which I try desperately to use to constantly smooth over the edges etc but I just can't do it anymore.

I've kept quiet so much so as not to cause anymore Aggro for us all but after todays spiteful and personal digs at the other staff member I just can't keep quiet anymore

I can still see the look on the staff members face when a personal comment about appearance was made in the open office and after all the other usual negative shit I literally came home and lost it.

I'm also doing hours elsewhere because we lost financially during covid at home so trying to get as much money in as poss and I've got a large unexpected bill due in two weeks which is stressing the hell out of me and today just tipped me over the edge.

It's not the best paid job and I could get the same maybe slightly less in most other jobs that I could do temporarily while sorting myself out.

I have a particular skill that I can use on a freelance basis however due to contracts etc I have clauses etc so it's not as easy as jumping out and straight into the same role etc

I'm about to start training in another type of skill within the sector I'm in which would have no clauses attached but upfront costs are £1000 which I just don't have. I don't even have the money for the unexpected bill.

I just feel so stuck. I've seen so many staff members come and go over the years purely due to the bosses behaviour but they just don't see it.

If you've got this far thank you so much for reading and any helpful tips or ideas would be very appreciated

OP posts:
Minfilia · 07/01/2022 06:19

It's not the best paid job and I could get the same maybe slightly less in most other jobs that I could do temporarily while sorting myself out.

Then you are not stuck!

Only you can decide how bad it is. Is it resign on the spot never go back bad? Go off sick temporarily with stress bad? Or hand in notice, whilst looking elsewhere bad?

Officially I suppose you should raise a grievance, but practically speaking that’s unlikely to have much effect.

I worked somewhere utterly toxic once. I lasted a year, then the straw that broke the camels back happened and I walked out at 5pm on the Friday, submitted my instant resignation that evening and never looked back. It was a brilliant decision and I got another job within two weeks.

moremoony · 07/01/2022 06:24

If you can get the same money somewhere else then do it. Can you just not go back and get temp work elsewhere? What are your options?

Bluntness100 · 07/01/2022 06:25

Op, just get another job. You’re not stuck. You’re choosing to stay.

oatmilk4breakfast · 07/01/2022 06:52

I think you’ll feel so liberated once you resign. Will open up lots of options. Tough at but if you can I’d do it. If impossible due to finances, then maybe try lining up another job first. Any job that will just bring in some money to cover you while you’re pivoting to next thing. But you need to get out of there - the business is failing sounds like and the owner is losing it and becoming nastier by the day resenting the staff salaries he has to pay!

WulyJmpr · 07/01/2022 08:12

Is there an element of Stockholm Syndrome going on here? Please leave there are many jobs available to someone of your experience. Be happy 😊

whatisforteamum · 07/01/2022 08:30

I feel for you OP.
It is so hard to work out what to do when the workplace turns toxic,been there done that.
One place I just walked away got another job straight away another place stuck it out until others left and it was less toxic for me.
I also find it incredibly hard to hear others being picked on on a daily basis.it makes me feel terrible.
You have my sympathy.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 07/01/2022 08:47

Just leave. There are more jobs than ever at the moment. I know it's hard to walk away but honestly you don't have to work in a toxic environment. I've worked in some horrendous places and now I'm in a great place where everyone is treated with respect and support. It's fabulous.

Get in touch with some recruitment agencies, get on LinkedIn and get applying for jobs.

Every time you hear toxic shit at work just keep saying to yourself... not for much longer... because you will get something else where you are appreciated and treated properly.

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