Long story. I've met my biological father 4 times in my life as he lives abroad and doesn't earn enough to come visit. He has a daughter who I have met a similar amount of times, however she has made the trip here to see me. I look identical to both of them, much more so than anyone in my British family. I've been three times to see them, twice with my mum (this will be relevant.)
I keep in touch on SM but the language barrier makes it difficult (I can't speak much of their language and they speak no English). I spend a lot of time looking at their photos as I find it fascinating to see a nose like mine on a cousin I've never met or someone in a video with similar mannerisms to my own.
They've hurt me by not being in contact as much in the past ten years, although they might say the same about me. I've always felt like an outsider with them (too British) and I think my father is way more interested in my mother (he see's her as the one who got away) compared to me. He has told me (over and over)that he still loves her, even though it's 40 years later and she's happily married.
In the last week I've received multiple gushy messages from my sister which I thought was (odd) but kind of nice, but at the end of them she said 'please can you send me your mother's mobile phone number?' That's when the penny drops that this is all they really wanted, it's obviously been my dad the whole time, trying to get on my good side through pretending to be my sister as he knows I would never give him my mums details.
It just hurts knowing they'll never want to know me better. I sit pouring over their posts as they are the only people I know who i resemble genetically, who share my cultural background, but they don't care at all about me. They have each other, they have all the family.
I don't know if I can cope with anymore disappointment and I certainly don't want to put my own children through it, maybe it's time to cut contact and focus on those who actually love me.