ExH saying nasty comments to DS

Hellagood14 · 2022-01-06T18:54:33+00:00

Hi all, Wasn't sure where to post this, I'm just looking for advice on how you lovely lot would deal with this. My ExH frequently says negative comments to my DS. I.e mummy doesn't care, mummy's too busy to be with you ... DS Came home from his Dads and said that his dad told him I laugh at DS when he is hurt. I asked DS what he thought and he said he knows I don't and is sad his dad said it. I never bad mouth his dad as I know it's the worst thing I can do! I'd never want him to feel torn or sad because he hears negative things! Does anyone have any advice! Please

GrazingSheep · 06/01/2022 18:56

His dad is a shit
How old is your son?

Original poster

Hellagood14 · 06/01/2022 18:56

Sorry I didn't know where to put this, it's getting me so down and I don't know what to do!

I never question DS just tell him that if someone says something nasty or that we don't like to just ask them not to say it!

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Original poster

Hellagood14 · 06/01/2022 18:56

He is 7

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MsChatterbox · 06/01/2022 18:57

That's really sad. He's obviously doing it to get at you. Would he listen at all if you said the harm it could do to your son?

Tryagainplease · 06/01/2022 18:58

How old?
Are you in a place to be able to speak to ex about this? This is not good behaviour at all. I wouldn’t dream of doing that…
He may want to hurt you but he is hurting his son in the process!

Sprig1 · 06/01/2022 18:59

I think the only thing to do is ignore it. Your son knows it isn't true. Your ex is doing it to get a reaction. Don't give him one, he will get bored of it.

Original poster

Hellagood14 · 06/01/2022 18:59

I’ve asked him not to and told him the damage it could do to his and DS relationship in the future as it’s lies basically but he doesn’t stop.

I knows it’s done to get at me I just want to protect DS for it

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RedCandyApple · 06/01/2022 18:59

Have you spoken to your ex about it?

HollowTalk · 06/01/2022 19:01

I think that's really abusive behaviour. Do you still have any contact with his parents?

Royalbloo · 06/01/2022 19:01

I think you've done exactly the right thing, ask his opinion. He knows it's nonsense. Nothing else needed imo. My kid knows me and yours knows you x Horrible to hear though x

HollowTalk · 06/01/2022 19:02

Is there anything that could be done via school?

Royalbloo · 06/01/2022 19:02

My ex does the same and my DD is only 5 and laughs and says he's talking nonsense. He's doing it less now because she thinks it's bollocks, and tells him so...

Royalbloo · 06/01/2022 19:04

I went down the route of, "Well, what do you think?" Then, "So it's silly and you know that?"

Ignore - it's just another way to get to you x

Royalbloo · 06/01/2022 19:07

The closest I got to saying anything was, in front of him and DD, saying, "Have a great weekend and remember, when silly daddy says silly things about me, he's just joking. Bye!"

It lessened a lot after that.

Brigante9 · 06/01/2022 19:10

Isn’t parental alienation now a crime?

Coronawireless · 06/01/2022 19:14

Explain to him that sadly you and his dad didn’t get on well, hence the separation, and that when people feel cross about someone they can say cross things about them. DS should bear this in mind and know that you do love him very much no matter what anyone else may say. No more, no less.

Original poster

Hellagood14 · 06/01/2022 19:20

Thank you for all your advice!

I’ll keep just talking to DS when he says something!

Unfortunately no I don’t, they cut me off due to ExH lies about me, I guess I see a theme here now I wrote that!

Thank you all, you’ve made me feel better, I was thinking I must be doing something wrong

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Original poster

Hellagood14 · 06/01/2022 19:20

Don’t speak to ex mil and fil that should be! Sorry

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Rtmhwales · 06/01/2022 19:27

DP's ex wife does this with their two boys (5 and 7). Oh daddy and Wales only took you there because they want you to get Covid and get sick. Daddy doesn't think about you when you're at mummy's he's too busy with Wales (after she's ignored DP's calls but god forbid he miss hers and call her back 2 minutes later).

My absolute favorite (not) has been Oh mummy only had you two because two is the most children any parent can love. After two you have to pick. Said of course because we have three.

We just talk extensively about speaking kindly about one another though I did slip once and said we didn't take them anywhere to get sick with Covid but there mum was just jealous because she was too old and not fun enough to take them there herself. I wonder why some parents feel the need to put the other down at the child's expense? It's just sad.

Onetraumaatatimeplease · 06/01/2022 19:36

My ex also does this, we have 3dc, two of them have LD's one is typical. He only does it to the two with LD. when youngest was around 4 he got really clingy, always telling me how much he loved me. Turned out ex had his head turned by the lady in the off license and was filling dc's head with "your mums shit" "she doesn't love you" "I've found you a better mum" etc.
I've no idea how to stop it, his mum knows, she just rings her hands, while he's busy being awful about me he's leaving her alone sort of attitude, his dad knows, doesn't care, he's a violent abuser himself, his brothers know, but think it's hilarious.

DarkCorner · 06/01/2022 19:41

It’s so awful when they do this as it’s the kids who suffer. Id just keep doing as you are and gently examine it with DS and let him know he can always talk to you.

My ex said to DS “you’re just like your mother, she never listens either!” And when DS was telling me so affronted on my behalf. I just mildly said “well, I probably don’t listen all the time, nobody listens all the time really, do they?” And DS was so insistent that “no, you do mummy, you listen absolutely all the time!”. So the exes who do this can end up shooting themselves in the foot anyway -and I definitely dont listen all the time-.

Original poster

Hellagood14 · 06/01/2022 20:37

Thanks all! Your stories are making me feel less alone in this!

You all have strong DCs and are strong in dealing with it!

I'm much love and thanks

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billy1966 · 06/01/2022 20:55

@Royalbloo

The closest I got to saying anything was, in front of him and DD, saying, "Have a great weekend and remember, when silly daddy says silly things about me, he's just joking. Bye!"

It lessened a lot after that.

I think is good.

Perhaps flag it with your GP as it's causing your son upset.

What a twat.

Coronawireless · 06/01/2022 21:30

@Rtmhwales

DP's ex wife does this with their two boys (5 and 7). Oh daddy and Wales only took you there because they want you to get Covid and get sick. Daddy doesn't think about you when you're at mummy's he's too busy with Wales (after she's ignored DP's calls but god forbid he miss hers and call her back 2 minutes later).

My absolute favorite (not) has been Oh mummy only had you two because two is the most children any parent can love. After two you have to pick. Said of course because we have three.

We just talk extensively about speaking kindly about one another though I did slip once and said we didn't take them anywhere to get sick with Covid but there mum was just jealous because she was too old and not fun enough to take them there herself. I wonder why some parents feel the need to put the other down at the child's expense? It's just sad.

That’s a pretty big slip-up eh. Worse than anything she said about you! Horrible behaviour no matter which of you does it.