To think this work situation is a bit pathetic now

[Letthebodieshitthefloor]

It's a part-time role I have, looking after an 83 year old lady.
It's home care and she has single calls 3 times a day.
A relative of hers is frequently at the home, none of the carers are keen on her for various reasons, mainly how she's spoken to carers and the growing list of expectations.
She was quite rude towards me so if I have to see her at the call I don't acknowledge her unless I absolutely have to, I am a minimum of polite and that's it but I don't wish to engage.

Anyway she regularly complains to our office and the latest complaint is that carers are discussing 'personal issues' in front of the lady we care for.

It's a single call so it's not as if they're discussing with another carer. I also highly doubt they're discussing anything graphic or sexual, people have the sense not to do so

Anyway, I'm not sure what we are now allowed to discuss, perhaps the weather. She is a grown woman and shouldn't be treated like a child just because she's elderly and unwell, I doubt she cares at all what we're discussing if anything.

Just seems that people are so easily offended at everything and so pious, everything has to be so 'correct' all the time for some.

Hmmmm it's all very unclear what the actual issue is here. I guess my assumption about the complaint is that the carers coming to see to their mother are having private conversations with each other, which their mother is not privy to.

As in, when you have two shop assistants talking to each other and ignoring the customer. I assume this is a similar situation but it's more intrusive when it's in someone's home and you're the main point of contact for that person.

I think discussing your own lives WITH the client is ok, but I still think that people need to be careful what they say as it can easily be misinterpreted or even people can manipulate older people.

It's only a single call so one carer goes, so the carer can't be having conversations with other carers at the property

Just seems that people are so easily offended at everything and so pious

Are you acknowledging that inappropriate things might have been said? If not, what would they be offended at?

Is it the 83 year old lady complaining or her relative? If it's the elderly lady might the problem be dementia and that's why she's rude and complains about things that haven't happened?

Your post makes no sense.
You say it’s single calls so this isn’t happening.
Then you say “we” can maybe discuss the weather, and people are offended at everything…
So what’s ACTUALLY happening?

Who are the carers actually having conversations with?

I also highly doubt they're discussing anything graphic or sexual, people have the sense not to do so

It's easy for you to 'highly doubt' but something has made the person complain.

She is a grown woman and shouldn't be treated like a child just because she's elderly and unwell, I doubt she cares at all what we're discussing if anything.

Why do you 'doubt she cares at all' what's being discussed in front of her?

You sound as though you've made up your mind with very little knowledge of the matter.

Is this the lady with possible dementia that you were rude to?

I would imagine the op is referring to the single cater chatting away to the older lady and the relative has complained about it.

@RJnomore1

I would imagine the op is referring to the single cater chatting away to the older lady and the relative has complained about it.

So if the lady cannot or doesn’t engage, do you mean chattering to fill the air, “so then I said to my friend - go for the short hair, it really suits you” type personal life monologue? That would make sense…

@Letthebodieshitthefloor you need to be clearer about what you mean. Of course carers can and absolutely should talk to the people they are giving care to. But there will be topics of conversation that aren't appropriate.
What do you think is appropriate/ inappropriate?

Why is everyone jumping on the OP? She said this relative has been rude to her before, and is a serial complainer?
Letthebodies I expect your head office realise by now that she's making spurious complaints, so let them deal with it and ignore.

They are jumping on me as they love to do that on this site, and one poster has decided that I was once rude to the client, might have me confused with someone else

@Letthebodieshitthefloor

They are jumping on me as they love to do that on this site, and one poster has decided that I was once rude to the client, might have me confused with someone else

How is it jumping on you to ask to explain something that you haven’t been clear about?

@GreenTeaPingPong

Why is everyone jumping on the OP? She said this relative has been rude to her before, and is a serial complainer? Letthebodies I expect your head office realise by now that she's making spurious complaints, so let them deal with it and ignore.

Who's jumping?

They're asking how the carers are having a conversation with someone who is not there?

It's home care and she has single calls 3 times a day

It's only a single call so one carer goes, so the carer can't be having conversations with other carers at the property

You've posted about your work situations before, and the grand daughter that doesn't like you. You were rude to the client for behaviour you suspect to be due to dementia.

It takes a certain kind of person to be a good carer. You need to be patient but also perceptive, understanding how to relate to the client in an appropriate way. Do you think this is the right career for you?

Odd situation. Why is the family there at same time as carers? I’m guessing she needs least personal care of it’s 3 times a day and hardly something you want an audience for. Can they not make
Cup of tea or wait in another room until you have finished? They must know se times before hand.

Maybe other carers have new people who are shadowing them sometimes or training and these have had odd conversation which has been complained about.

Sounds like however you are stuck with the situation best you can do is be polite, say bare mim to them You can get away with. Make sure you log everything that happens including comments at the time. Accept some people will always find something to complain about and not take it personally.

@CorrBlimeyGG

You've posted about your work situations before, and the grand daughter that doesn't like you. You were rude to the client for behaviour you suspect to be due to dementia.

It takes a certain kind of person to be a good carer. You need to be patient but also perceptive, understanding how to relate to the client in an appropriate way. Do you think this is the right career for you?

I wasn't rude to anybody so I think you're confusing me for somebody else sorry

Depends what the complaint actually is - if it's that the carer is making small talk with the lady about personal issues (of the "took my cat to the vet last night" variety rather than "tried anal sex with my boyfriend") then obviously that's ridiculous.

If the carer is on the phone during the visit telling her friend all about her weekend exploits in front of the lady then that is clearly inappropriate.

Really depends on the "personal" issues.
I've heard carers talking about their sex lives, the massive explosive shit they've had, telling the person they must have been a goer in their younger days etc. Never mind references to death which not all elderly people and their families want to hear.

For the office to raise issues back to carers there must be an issue and considering the visits are sole ones, you cannot really know what others are saying.
If complaints have been made about your areas of conversation, it would help to let us know what you are saying so that you can be helped.

@GreenTeaPingPong

Why is everyone jumping on the OP? She said this relative has been rude to her before, and is a serial complainer? Letthebodies I expect your head office realise by now that she's making spurious complaints, so let them deal with it and ignore.

Being a 'serial complainer' doesn't always make the person unreasonable.

Sometimes what passes as 'care of the elderly' is an absolute disgrace (although I'm not saying that's the case here), and it can take many complaints sometimes before changes are made.

So I wouldn't assume anything about the complainer.

You aren't making sense. How can she complain? That a colleague is having a conversation with another colleague. But you say you attend alone. So it's impossible for you to have a conversation with a colleague. What does your manager say about her complaints.

This resonates with me and my sympathies are with you OP. My very elderly parent lives with one offspring who has both mental health issues and at times an extraordinary sense of entitlement. I spoke to her today and she referred to the carers as "the cleaners". I picked her up on it. Parent does have indications of dementia now so that matches your experience too. What our carers have done is report difficulties to their manager who then contacts me as contract setter-upper with their concerns. I then try to deal because the contract is my responsibility. Is that an option or is there only you, lady and problem-lady in the frame?

I was present when a carer was complaining to my elderly grandmother in law about how rushed, overworked and underpaid they were. I'd call that a personal issue and inappropriate but not graphic or sexual.