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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hurting

17 replies

Lea376 · 06/01/2022 12:18

Hi, I live with my partner and son. my son is 17 has autism, partner is 59 there is a 21 year age gap between myself and oh.
I work part-time as I have been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Due to this, my finances are a lot lower than before. My oh, and myself are not getting on,as he thinks am not contributing enough towards bills. I pay £250 each month for bills. There is no mortgage. an then pay £700 a month towards the debt I owe him for bills when I couldn't work for a year. I was trying to get benefits so he helped me financially. I owe him £5000. Each month I'm left with just enough to buy petrol. I can't afford nights out and if we do have a night out I would have to borrow money to cover it.
Due to me not being able to contribute more, I do all the cooking cleaning washing and making his packed lunches. Doing this with a part-time job and looking after my son. (Not his son) my ms constantly flares and I'm burnt out. I'v been so sick over Christmas, I couldn't physically get out of bed for 3 weeks. Today we have fallen out because I said we could do with a new duvet and pillows. He flipped and said I need to buy them, he buys everything. The thing is he doesn't he just banks all his money and waits till I end up just buying what we need, or asking to borrow money to pay for said items. I feel used and as I have no money I'm dependent on him. I feel like a failure I would do more if I could, I just physically can't. He will now blank me for a couple of days or tell me to get out. I don't no what to do as I have no money to move

OP posts:
RosettaPebble · 06/01/2022 12:50

This is financial abuse my love.

IcicleIcicle · 06/01/2022 12:55

Is the house solely his OP?

scorpiogirly · 06/01/2022 12:56

He sounds disgusting.

Tinitiny · 06/01/2022 13:00

Goodness OP, this is financial abuse. Nobody should put up with that.

Speak to Womens’ Aid or similar, they will advise you on how to get out if that situation.

Fatgalslim · 06/01/2022 13:02

Whose house is it?

TheVolturi · 06/01/2022 13:04

He sounds awful. Does your son qualify for dla? You could be getting carers allowance if you are caring for him. I would get away from your so called partner though.

Lea376 · 06/01/2022 13:08

It's like living in hell. I have no idea how things got this bad. I think speaking out means I'm recognising this toxic behaviour. I'm going to look online for help. As iv been off work completely for 3 weeks my finances are going to be even more strained. Thank you for the comments I wasn't sure if I was being ungrateful xx

OP posts:
Lea376 · 06/01/2022 13:10

He owns the house, I have lived here for 14 years an until last year I was paying half the bills.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 06/01/2022 13:10

Would you get more universal credit if you moved out? Your son is still a dependent. I’d look into that urgently and contact woman’s aid. This is hardcore financial abuse. It’s painful to acknowledge how bad things are so you’ve been brave to take this first step.

rainbowstardrops · 06/01/2022 13:17

Move out. Honestly, move out and claim any benefits you can because he's vile and he's abusing you. Don't allow it.

KO81 · 06/01/2022 13:21

He’s an abusive cunt. You have MS and when you weren’t able to work he actually made you rack up ‘debt’ to him for bills? Jesus fucking Christ. You’ve been living there since you were 24 and he was 45? He’s a financially abusive predator, and I dare say, controlling too.

Leave.

DontWantTheRivalry · 06/01/2022 13:28

Get away from him OP.

I agree with the above poster about his controlling sense…..and the fact you were young when you met and he was a lot older…

It stinks of predatory and controlling abuse.

Just get rid of him - he sounds vile!!

gobbynorthernbird · 06/01/2022 13:29

Stop paying him the £700 for a few months until you have a rental deposit.

Greenrubber · 06/01/2022 13:44

You need to leave him!

BashfulClam · 06/01/2022 13:50

You are being abused. Leave and don’t look back. He makes you think you can’t afford it but you will manage. If either me or my
Husband were I. Your shoes we would help the other one financially and with housework as a team, my father had ms and I know that you feel awful sometimes and that has made you feel dependent on this utter arsehole of a man.

OnaBegonia · 06/01/2022 14:06

Very rarely am I shocked on MN, but JFC he has you in debt to him for being unable to work due to MS?
Get away from this disgusting waste of oxygen.

Namelesss · 06/01/2022 15:26

Leave him.

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