Does anyone else's DH go through phases of asking "what are you doing?" while you're doing something perfectly obvious like cleaning the bathroom or putting up Christmas decorations in a tone of faux polite bafflement meaning (and I really don't think I'm reading too much into this, but maybe I am!), "what this imbecile is doing is completely incomprehensible and ridiculous but I'd better not say so..."?
Every now and then conversations will start like that and progress like this:
"pause ... I don't understand what you're trying to achieve" [calm, reasonable explanation] "baffled pause... I'm just trying to understand what you're doing... I don't get what you're trying to do" [slightly testier response, trying desperately to hang onto reason in the face of the inevitable continuation] "no, it's just that usually you'd do x before y so that z... so I'm just trying to understand what you're doing. Where are you in the process?" [possibly a few more rounds of this followed by a testier response and attempted calm suggestion that he do it himself if he thinks it's being done incorrectly] "I'm just trying to understand what you're doing so that z doesn't happen! Why are you jumping down my throat and going on the defensive?!" [Because you're being rude and a bit of a dick]"stomp off, huff, possibly slam door"
And scene.
I'm someone who is perfectly happy completing a task alone and in my own way. He likes company with most tasks he does, which may be where this clash is coming from but this, where I have requested no input, or have asked him to do one very specific task just drives me absolutely batshit (petty as it is) - I find it so undermining, rude (questioning my competence) and patronising but he just can't or won't see it. It pushes me to the edge of my sanity to be required to explain every bit of my reasoning involved in a task so that he can stress test it. I think he thinks he's trying to avoid an argument by not simply saying, "why the fuck are you doing it like that, are you mad?!" but to be honest I expect I'd find that marginally less provoking in the long run! The alternative is that he genuinely thinks he is helping.
I know I'm only telling it from my side but please tell me honestly, AIBU, oversensitive and too proud or would this drive everyone insane?!
I hate the falling out but I know that I will be told that the problem is that I am defensive and he "can't say anything" but I honestly don't know how to get out of the loop without doing a giggling airhead routine of some sort and asking him to show me or help me do something I'm perfectly capable of doing, or it ending like this.
AIBU?