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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I threw her books on the floor

22 replies

Teeandmoismyfave · 05/01/2022 16:32

Sat crying as I feel so guilty and upset with myself.
Dd, 3.5 is very high energy and intense and demands every minute from me.
I’m currently a Sahm until she goes to preschool school in September (in another country)
I’m generally patient, but haven’t been feeling very well and just don’t have a minute to breathe.
This morning the day began with her opening all her wardrobe and throwing all the clothes out, in order to get the jumper she wanted. That was a half hour job to tidy back up, then she’s been throwing pens out of pots and shouting lots.
I was trying to quickly pay bills on my phone and she was crawling over me asking again and again to play with her wipe away books. I was saying to her to wait a moment, repeating this. In the meantime the dog is barking and grabbing her teddies to rip up. Just the constant noise, the mess, the lack of space was too much and I threw her books out of the way onto the carpet. She immediately went onto the carpet put her head down and really cried.
I felt so awful, cuddled her lots and said sorry.
I can’t stop thinking about it and crying

OP posts:

foxgoosefinch · 05/01/2022 16:34

It’s okay - cut yourself some slack! It’s really had work and sometimes these things happen after a bad day. Give her a cuddle and tell her sometimes mummy has a hard day too. They are only books.

JuneOsborne · 05/01/2022 16:36

Ah, toddlers are pretty resilient. Like @foxgoosefinch says, a good time to teach her that adults have hard day's too.

StrangerThanSpring · 05/01/2022 16:36

I think most parents have moments when they run out of patience. I know I have. Draw a line under it and don't worry about it. your daughter is fine. These things happen.

duvetdayforeveryone · 05/01/2022 16:40

@StrangerThanSpring

I think most parents have moments when they run out of patience. I know I have. Draw a line under it and don't worry about it. your daughter is fine. These things happen.

This.

My DC1 went to nursery aged 3 years 1 month, and my DC2 went to nursery aged 2 years 8 months. They had to go to nursery as my patience had run out.
Could a childminder watch your daughter for a few hours to give you a break?

Snoken · 05/01/2022 16:45

Just keep in mind toddlers are really dramatic. Their reactions are often completely out of portportion, so even though she seemed devestated, chances are she was over it 10 minutes later and you have definitely not scarred her for life, or even an hour.

marykitty · 05/01/2022 16:47

I am currently in maternity leave with a 2.5 yo and a 2 months old.
My 2.5 yo is driving me insane some days, it's taking me all the energy i have to keep calm and not shout at him.
We all have times when we just...explode!
Apologize to her, spend the rest of the evening in a sweet normal mood. Tomorrow is a new day :)

Original poster

Teeandmoismyfave · 05/01/2022 16:58

I feel like I’ve spent the whole day shouting, which rarely happens, she just looked so shocked and her face 😞

OP posts:

eagerlywaitingfor · 05/01/2022 17:00

Maybe she will have learned that it's not nice if things get thrown on the floor, and stop doing it herself.

Don't beat yourself up over it.

Stormwhale · 05/01/2022 17:01

It sounds like you had a stress induced sensory overload. I know how that feels. You apologised, you cuddled her and made things right. You are not an awful person, you are just human. She won't be damaged by this, she won't even remember it. If anything you have modelled to her how to apologise when you treat someone else badly.

Daenerys77 · 05/01/2022 17:02

I don't think you did anything very terrible. But if it takes half an hour to re-pack her wardrobe, she has far too much stuff.

girlmom21 · 05/01/2022 17:03

I bet she's forgotten about it.

FriendshipsAreHardForMe · 05/01/2022 17:04

I've been telling my 3 year old that if they keep turning the room upside down I'll send a toy back to Santa 🤭 it's working and I don't even feel guilty.

No one's perfect.

PotteringAlong · 05/01/2022 17:07

Cause and effect. Chuck stuff on the floor and behave badly = negative consequences. It’s not a bad life lesson to learn!

She will be fine.

JasmineGarden · 05/01/2022 17:09

She wouldn't have got pandering to, she'd have been told to stop being a little Drama Queen, you out/threw them into the floor, not into the river!!

I'd have made her out the stuff back in her wardrobe (yes I'd need to do it properly later, but not the point)

I'd have taken the pens off her if she did it again after being asked what she thought she was doing.

You're not being 'patient' you're just allowing her to rule the roost!

She's not a baby & she needs some boundaries!

I think you need to stop shouting and work on your 'tone' of voice & 'not taking any crap' look.

I do think it's a little harsh to send her to another country to go to pre school though! (Even if it's understandable!!)

😂😂

Porcupineintherough · 05/01/2022 17:13

Well emptying all your clothes onto the floor isnt ok, is it? Nor is some of her other behaviour, cause toddlers are rely hard work and like to push boundaries. So whilst shouting all day isnt wonderful you are perfectly entitled to be cross sometimes and let her know it. She's also old enough to start help tidying up after herself (obviously with plenty of supervision and help).

Georgeskitchen · 05/01/2022 17:16

Don't beat yourself up. We all have limits. Pretty sure your daughter is absolutely fine. A cuddle and a small piece of chocolate usually fixes it 😋

Fraternaltwin · 05/01/2022 17:58

@JasmineGarden

She wouldn't have got pandering to, she'd have been told to stop being a little Drama Queen, you out/threw them into the floor, not into the river!!

I'd have made her out the stuff back in her wardrobe (yes I'd need to do it properly later, but not the point)

I'd have taken the pens off her if she did it again after being asked what she thought she was doing.

You're not being 'patient' you're just allowing her to rule the roost!

She's not a baby & she needs some boundaries!

I think you need to stop shouting and work on your 'tone' of voice & 'not taking any crap' look.

I do think it's a little harsh to send her to another country to go to pre school though! (Even if it's understandable!!)

😂😂

This.

ThinWomansBrain · 05/01/2022 18:02

sending her to preschool in another country will help

sorry, it was the way I read the OP; made me laugh!

FlasherMcGruff · 05/01/2022 21:53

It’s really not terrible of you.

StrifeOfBath · 05/01/2022 21:59

Adults are people too!

So, your Dd saw you reach the end of your tether after you had asked her to wait?

No great trauma.

Cam2020 · 05/01/2022 22:06

She wouldn't have got pandering to, she'd have been told to stop being a little Drama Queen

That's horrible and undermining her feelings even if they do seem dramatic to an adult.

The rest I agree with though. At 3.5, she's seeing how far she could push you and today she found out! I know it feels awful, but you're human - you apologised and cuddled and, that's all you can do. Your daughter is old enough to learn that actions have consequences and picking up after herself.

StepAwayFromGoogling · 05/01/2022 22:51

If it helps at all, OP, I was so fed up tidying up after my 6 and 3 year olds earlier this week - and the whining that I wasn't clearing the table fast enough - that I swept my arm across the table and put the whole lot on the floor. They both stood there looking at me like I'd grown two heads. More shocked than upset. I still don't feel great about it now but, bah, everyone has a day when it all gets too much. Don't beat yourself up.

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