to reduce my days at work

[ICSI]

I have a stressful job with management responsibilities and have really struggled with the stress from it in recent years. At the beginning of the year I always head in thinking I will not let the stress get to me, but inevitably it does and I’m left feeling like my job takes up all of my life and saps my energy for anything else. I find I argue with DH more and have less patience in general as the stress levels build up.

I feel like something needs to change and have considered changing career, reducing my responsibilities at work and reducing my working days.

DH and I have recently had a failed round of IVF and are waiting for our next try and I’m concerned about the impact of stress on our success.

I feel the least impact overall would be to reduce my working days as a new career would mean a period of retraining while having IVF. I am worried that reducing my responsibilities at work will impact on my future earning potential if I am staying in my current career and will also mean a potential move away from the only part of my job I enjoy.

I think maybe I’m a bit mad to consider reducing from working full time when really there is no need to in terms of childcare etc. I would go from working 5 days to working 4.

So my AIBU is:

YABU: you should work full time of you can

YANBU: it’s reasonable to work part time to reduce stress levels

I reduced my hours and honestly I am less stressed than I was when I worked full time. Yes I miss the money but to be honest I should have done it a long time ago and at the end of the day you are just a number and if something happens to you , your work would find someone to replace you quick enough,no job is worth a load of stress.

Beat of luck with the ivf

Reduced hours pre kids from FT to 3 days. Better for me and could give a flying F what anyone else thought of it - were not robots, FT isn't for everyone. Wary of doing the same job and reducing though the prospect of then doing it all in 4 days. Life is more important at this point x

Yanbu but I have worked 4 days previously and found it just as stressful, if not more so, and the loss of pay, holidays and development opportunities were quite significant. By dropping only one day I seemed to be expected to pick up the same amount of work. I often ended up working on my day off with no pay. Are you able to drop to 3 or even 2.5 days and do a job share? Good luck with the IVF.

PT is fantastic

If you think it will help, I’d be all for it and I think with the amount of people re-evaluating work choices at the moment there will be plenty making the same choice.

However, I’d be really sure that the role can actually be reduced in scope before making the request. My experience of working four days was awful - basically it was close enough to full time that nothing was taken away from me and I ended up trying to do all my work in not enough time, often working lots of extra hours, and taking a financial hit too. I went back to full time in the end. I know there are plenty of people / roles where 4 days can work but I’ve decided that if I go part time with my current employer again I’d want to do 2 or 3 days so they have to split the role not count on me to keep doing it all.

I think it depends on whether you will actually have 80% of the responsibility and hours. I have a professional career and am mid-level with some responsibility for management. I do 4 days a week.

What it can mean in practice is that I do the same number of hours as I would do if I were fulltime, but compressed into 4 days (or 4 days plus a weekend), and it annoys clients if I can't do a call or a deadline falls on my non-working day, and I think people do see me as on the "mummy track". All this on 80% pay.

For me it's kind of worth it to have a day midweek when I don't check emails or have calls and can spend time with my toddler and save on childcare. If I didn't have DC I definitely wouldn't do it.

However, these problems might be fairly specific to my role and industry. Is there anyone in your team who does PT hours, who you could have an honest chat with about how it works for them? Or anyone else you know professionally?

Part time is great. Until you realise the hit you take on your pension.

If you can afford not to, why work full time?
I work three days a week, which is a good balance for me.

If you reduce your hours in your current job (rather than start a new one that is part time from the outset) do male sure that your role is adjusted appropriately - otherwise you'll be left expected to cover the same resposibiities in less time and with less pay.

YANBU in principle at all provided you can afford it.

My concern would be that if you go to working 4 days you may well end up doing a full time job in that 80% time and for 80% of the money. Therefore defeating the whole object.

In my experience PT doesn't really mean less stress. It means doing the job across compressed days.

Also you need to plan for all eventualitiesincludong future and pension so I am not sure I'd pack it in yet.

I do think a change may suit - rather than retrain could you do an internal move into a different role? This would mean you retain employment history/rights and any enhanced mat leave

I know two people who did this - one went from working on commercials on pitches (real peaks and throughs) to working on uk accounts (totally 9-5) and also a woman with two kids who basically moved out of client director role into being a reasonably senior EA (again very 9-5) worked really well for them

YANBU - reduced hours have really helped me.

Do it if you can reduce your responsibility by 20% and can afford it. When I went PT after having DC, about half the people at my level (middle management) were already part time and most were childless. Some had a specific reason (eg to do a course, or spend day with elderly parent), most because it was less stressful and they had reached a pay level that meant they could afford to. It probably prevented them from getting yo partner level but still enabled career progression. I wished I’d done it before and have no intention of ever going back to FT despite the DC being teenagers now.

Have you considered staying in the same career but changing employers? I've worked in more stressful places than my current job even though it was the same kind of work, the key difference is that I currently have an amazing line manager.

Do it but do not then get paid for 80% and then do same hours. Do not work on days off. Do not work over your hours.

I work 4 days. As pp I have that 1 day with my toddler and don't check emails. I keep weekends clear completely. I will sometimes do some extra hours in the evenings but I write it down and add it to my TOIL. I'm mid senior now and still working the same hours.

Over time as word spread I'm on 4 days some colleagues take it as a personal insult and like to schedule important meetings on my non working day. This in an organisation where 35% of staff work fewer than 5 days. There is a definite "us and them" from the full timers. I've made my peace with it, though it has been a bumpy road to get here.

Some places have moved all staff to a 4 day week, interestingly the banking/finance sector are leading this. It's a progressive path forward IMO.

Do what works for you. There is more to life than work. Ultimately they would sack you in a heartbeat if they wanted to, don't waste loyalty on employers.

Could you go for 3? 4 tends to be more a full time job shoved in to 4 days but paid less, 3 is enough of a difference to NEED to change responsibilities.

I have reduced my hours and my quality of home life has improved so much. It's really lovely!

However, my workload at work was never adjusted, I have also lost the respect of some colleagues and my boss who joke around about me being PT now so not as committed of one of the full team.

I am now quite unhappy at work.

Could you speak to your manager about the possibility of reducing your hours, with a trial? It might be you find it makes no difference to your stress levels.

Over time as word spread I'm on 4 days some colleagues take it as a personal insult and like to schedule important meetings on my non working day.

Gosh, @Wotsitsits I’m so glad to read this to realise it wasn’t just me - I went from 5 days to four, and was subsequently put on a project where the weekly meeting was on my non-working day! It was a deliberate choice to “keep me on my toes” apparently 🙄. So yes OP, do it, but be prepared for subtle and not so subtle bouts of nonsense from certain quarters.

Would reducing a day reduce your stress? Or would you try and squeeze same amount of work in less days?

The idea of still having 100% to do in 80% of the time is a worry, and I think I would have to have very firm boundaries in place to not work on the day off. My role is customer facing for 7 hours a day so my time to get my paperwork side of things completed, which is the part that builds up, is in the evenings which is what I am already doing for around 3/4 hours each day.

My other worry is about fairness with DH. He would still be working full time. Is it fair that I take a cut to my wage and have time away from working while he is not?

I work 24 hours and luckily can be very clear with what I can do in the time. I've been part time for about 9 years & same role for over 15 so it is easier for me to manage. I am part time for childcare though so there is a tangible financial benefit (ie not paying for wrap around/as much holiday club etc)

Re: pension, I pay about 15% into mine and am on track to have a decent enough income, paying that much is a conscious decision.

Re: your DH, does he have any desire to work PT? Or expressed concerns? Mine wasn't interested in part time and luckily earns enough that we can afford it