Help!

[Sherylxxl]

Tonight had a scenario where my son (17) started accusing his step dad and myself of raking through his drawers. Neither of us had and were defending ourselves. My son was shouting and calling me all The lying c×nts under the sun and when my husband shouted back that we aren't liars my son jumped at my husband and started hitting him. I've had to chuck my son out but I'm breaking my heart at what's right. My son is at his dads. My son is also my main babysitter for his younger brother. His dad's side of the family and my family all say that I have to protect my youngest which I know but I feel like an a××hole.

In more context my son had been hiding weed and thought we had been in his drawers raking through it.

Is it drugs? Was he scared of you finding them?
At least his dad and the other family agree with you.
To be honest, he’s lucky you didn’t call the police for assault.

I’d phone the police and report the whole thing, hopefully they will speak to him and caution him, he needs to learn accountability and you need to ensure your home is safe for your younger child, you can’t allow drugs in the house or violence, simple.

My husband did call the police and hung up. They came out but my husband told them everything was OK. We tried talking with my son after he left but he isn't interested and isn't sorry. Which for me hurts more. This is obviously effecting my husband and I tonight. My husband has told me it's my son or him but both cannot be in the same house.

You can still phone the police back. What does his dad say about his drug taking?

It was his grandparent that I spoke to as his dad is at work. None of us like him smoking weed but seen it as his choice as long as he wasn't doing it infront of us or under influence when babysitting. He is out working 36hours a week then was helping with childcare.

Weed makes you paranoid. If you smoke too much and are young with a still developing brain.

Violence is never acceptable. Even if someone did take through his drawers. Who else had access as it could have been them? Wee brother? One of his mates?

If neither I’d suggest paranoia.

You can't have him as childcare if he is violent

It was only my husband and I that had been home. We had contacted my son earlier to say we were going to fix his TV unit. He has just done up all his bedroom and broke his TV unit a week after it was built. He was fine with this and the rest of day we spent painting our bathroom. My husband wasn't in his room alone and neither of us went through his drawers, even if we did we wouldn't have denied it. I'm just so upset that it's come to this. My son has stood up to me during arguments before but never threw punches. Think it's just going to take me some time to process everything. I feel like such a failure. My husband had been saving to buy my son his first car as he is learning to drive and its just not appreciated. Obviously the car won't be happening anymore

You’re not a failure. Your son wanted to illegally experiment with drugs the way most young lads do.

He’s found out the hard way that it’s not a case of smoke some shit and it won’t do any harm. It can impair your brain waves and stuff

This is the result of his actions. And actions have consequences. He’s learning what these are now.

Perhaps his dad can have a man to man chat about parental expectations and things. It’s a difficult time for all concerned.

To be honest... I'd phone the police and report it. You can't trust him as babysitter if he's that easy to snap and be violent and you also can't have that behaviour or drug taking under your roof. He needs a dose of harsh reality now and real consequences for his actions.

Just be relieved that he has a second home/place to stay - so that in (quite rightly) making him leave as a result of his violence, you know that he is at his fathers and not sleeping on the streets.

Why such a reaction if there’s nothing to hide? Horrendous behaviour to witness, very upsetting. But I assume your house is a drug free zone and he knows that.. now I’d really want to know if there were drugs on your property…

I am so sorry you are in this situation.

As others have said, weed makes you paranoid and that might be that was behind the extremity of your son's outburst. Or, if he knows that you know he smokes weed, then I can't help but think he might have been hiding something else in his room he didn't want you to see... I don't want to put ideas into your head, but given his huge overreaction it might be a possibility.

The most disturbing thing about it is he isn't remorseful or sorry. Sounds like he needs some tough love, it is one thing to behave like that but another to not be sorry or want to discuss it afterwards. As harsh as it sounds, maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to contact the police. Cruel to be kind and all that... Good luck.

Will you be able to speak to his father about it tonight?
You both need to sort it and come up with something.

You are only half of the parents.

You are not a bad mother at all. Sorry you're having this trouble op

@Knockmealdowns

Why such a reaction if there’s nothing to hide? Horrendous behaviour to witness, very upsetting. But I assume your house is a drug free zone and he knows that.. now I’d really want to know if there were drugs on your property…

She’s already said it was drugs and whilst she doesn’t like it, she allows it.