Helping with bereavement

[troobleflooble]

Not really an aibu but I just need some advice about the best thing to do in this scenario.

DP has found out that his nan is very unwell and unlikely to survive for long. The whole family is travelling to where she lives (a few hours' drive away) tonight/tomorrow to be with her. It's possible she might pull through but it doesn't look hopeful unfortunately. She has a DNR and from things he has said it seems that she is ready to go.

I don't have a very large or close knit family/friend group and I've been very lucky that I've never lost anyone close to me. I have absolutely no idea how to cope with grief/bereavement and even less idea how to support someone that I love with his. I want to help him but I have no clue what to say or do and I'm really worried about doing the wrong thing. I know she hasn't actually passed yet but I just want to be prepared for when/if the time comes.

I'm sure that there is nothing I can say or do to actually make it better or take his pain away, but does anyone have any advice at all? TIA.

I’m sorry for your DH that this is happening. You sound really caring and empathetic.

The best advice I can give is to take your lead from him. If he wants space, give him space, if he wants you just to sit with him, just be there.

Avoid trite phrases like “she had a good life” or “at least she’s not suffering”. I hated those kinds of things when my mum died.

One family friend came and had coffee with my dad and I after my mum died and just gently got us reminiscing about her. It was extremely cathartic to talk in a positive way about her.

Have a look on whatsyourgrief.com.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that when my DH's mum recently died, he appreciated me giving him space for his thoughts.
And he told me that he liked it when I held his hand while sitting side by side on the sofa in the evenings. That seemed to relax him enough to be able to talk freely.
Keeping him fed and watered, when he didn't remember to himself.
One thing he said annoyed him a little was me keep asking "are you ok" or "how are you feeling".
But everyone's different and need different support
I'm sure you'll find the right way to let him know he can rely on your support.

Ok thank you all. He's just messaged me from work and he's coming home early which is very unusual for him. I think she's gone 😞