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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Gendered/Sex based insults

75 replies

lucillelarusso · 04/01/2022 12:42

For the last 6 months every time I hear someone use 'bitch', 'slag', 'Karen' etc rather than preach feminism I have asked them if there are any insults there are specifically for men. It has worked well in so far as all my siblings and colleagues have stopped using misogynist slurs and justifying them. No one has come back to me me with any insults for all men though - homophobic slurs and racist slurs specifically for men yes but not for all men, or straight white men.

AIBU to think that there aren't any sex based or gendered insults for men?

OP posts:

DrSbaitso · 04/01/2022 14:04

@DickMabutt73962

I can't really think of any insult for men that carries the connotation of promiscuity

Playboy or player, at least in American phrases. But it of course isn't demeaning in the way that slut or whore is. Playboy is seen as something to aspire to.

Exactly. It's not an insult.

Original poster

lucillelarusso · 04/01/2022 14:07

@DickMabutt73962 My brothers use 'cunt' as a term of endearment for each other - classic banter eh? Same with knobhead... there are a lot of class and regional variations. My SIL was horrifically offended to hear my DB be called a 'smarmy cunt' by his brother - she thought he was being described as (in her words) 'pussy-whipped' which is an insult for men that I had forgotten until now

OP posts:

CatsArePeople · 04/01/2022 14:08

Scrote

Original poster

lucillelarusso · 04/01/2022 14:17

@CatsArePeople

Scrote

I can't believe I didn't think of this as my dad refers to various family members as 'little scrotes' with horrifying regularity, all male

OP posts:

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 04/01/2022 14:19

Even the ones, like bellend, that are more often reserved for men, aren’t used to criticise behaviour that women would not be called names over.
Eh?

HPLikecraft · 04/01/2022 14:22

@EmpressCixi

It’s wrong to require that a man must behave in exact same way as a woman for the slur to count as gendered. Slurs are used on men and women equally when we do gender noncomforming actions. The point is that gender roles and expectations are based in our sex, and so are different. That’s why non-masculine men get called sissy or pussy...because they’re not being masculine, and a woman is called nasty or a bitch because she’s not being appeasing and nice as is expected by female gender expectations.

So you are never going to see a gendered slur applied for exact same behaviour by both genders/sexes because we have very different gender roles and expectations. Gendered slurs are specifically to punish those who are being gender nonconforming.

Excellent post, far more eloquent than I could manage and I agree with it entirely.

NumberTheory · 04/01/2022 14:56

@daimbarsatemydogsbone

Even the ones, like bellend, that are more often reserved for men, aren’t used to criticise behaviour that women would not be called names over. Eh?

Whatever a man does to be called a bellend would, if done by a woman, also result in name calling, it would just be a different insult used.

Whereas what women do to be called, for instance, a slut, would not, if done by a man, result in name calling.

Bananasaur · 04/01/2022 15:04

This article is good at summarizing some of the issues with female-directed insults, e.g. how "women are insulted through references to sexual morals or being compared to sub-human entities, while men are insulted by being associated with women and weakness/femininity" - it's significant that slurs like bastard, son of a bitch etc insult the mother rather than the man. It also references a wider study. daily.jstor.org/the-language-of-nasty-women-and-other-gendered-insults/

The disproportionate nature of the amount and type of female-directed insults is staggering (and of course damaging) but I find the 'compliments' side interesting too in terms of how language is used to condition (or patronise).... so common to see terms such as bright, bubbly, feisty, whip-smart (bleurgh) used for women or sometimes children. I haven't often heard a male CEO described as bubbly. In my involvement as a manager in recruitment and career discussions etc I also often hear men described as driven and women as pushy. I challenge it!

Original poster

lucillelarusso · 04/01/2022 15:07

@Bananasaur thanks for sharing, really interesting study attached to the article as well

OP posts:

Melroses · 04/01/2022 15:13

@lucillelarusso

Cuck is definitely an insult for men only, of all races. Thanks no one said this so far, I suspect due to being more Americanised.

Yet it is attacking the man by inferring that his wife sexually promiscuous 🤷‍♀️

Ijustreallywantacat · 04/01/2022 16:11

Yet it is attacking the man by inferring that his wife sexually promiscuous 🤷‍♀️

It's attacking the man by inferring he is too weak/pathetic to satisfy his wife.

NumberTheory · 04/01/2022 16:19

@Ijustreallywantacat

Yet it is attacking the man by inferring that his wife sexually promiscuous 🤷‍♀️

It's attacking the man by inferring he is too weak/pathetic to satisfy his wife.

Women are also insulted by men when their husbands sleep around, though. Cold/frigid/many versions of unattractive/etc. all code for - “no wonder he looks elsewhere when you’re like this”

CounsellorTroi · 04/01/2022 16:28

@EmpressCixi

An example I discussed with a colleague was that a woman might be a fat old cow, a sow, a bitch etc but I do not hear the male version used as in insult

Never called a man a dirty, disgusting pig then? Or said a man is an utter beast? Or a cold hearted snake? Or a lazy sloth? Or a freeloading leech?

Lounge lizard?

DrSbaitso · 04/01/2022 16:29

Lounge lizard?

That's very dated, I think.

beachyandswimmy · 04/01/2022 16:32

@skybluee

Chad

Chad isn't offensive, it's typically aimed at popular men. It's not even an insult, really. Basically just calling some popular, or cocky maybe

CounsellorTroi · 04/01/2022 16:32

Office wolf? Or is that dated too?

Player is a term I’ve heard directed at men. Not sure what the female equivalent would be

Ijustreallywantacat · 04/01/2022 16:34

Women are also insulted by men when their husbands sleep around, though. Cold/frigid/many versions of unattractive/etc. all code for - “no wonder he looks elsewhere when you’re like this”

Sure. I was specifically talking about the term 'cuck' which is definitely used as insult to 'weak/pathetic' men.

So to answer the OPs question, men have plenty of sex/gender based insults of their own. Neither are acceptable.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 04/01/2022 16:38

@CounsellorTroi

Office wolf? Or is that dated too?

Player is a term I’ve heard directed at men. Not sure what the female equivalent would be

Player isn't generally used as an insult, it's in the same lane as 'playboy' IMO - men being patted on the back for having lots of sex. Which is culturally celebrated in men while being used as an insult for women (names like slut / slag / whore are used instead). It's so depressing.

DrSbaitso · 04/01/2022 16:41

@CounsellorTroi

Office wolf? Or is that dated too?

Player is a term I’ve heard directed at men. Not sure what the female equivalent would be

Not heard of that one.

A female player? Slut, slag, skank, trollop, cocktease, whore, tramp...how long have you got?

Maybe "man eater" if we're being chivalrous. Still very different connotations to "womaniser" or "ladykiller".

Notthemessiah · 04/01/2022 16:43

Yet it is attacking the man by inferring that his wife sexually promiscuous

Just to agree with a PP who already replied, no it definitely doesn't - it's deriding a man for being unable to satisfy his wife sexually so that she has to look outside the marriage.

CounsellorTroi · 04/01/2022 16:45

Player specifically means a man who feigns romantic interest in a woman while simultaneously pursuing other women. While many men would see that as praiseworthy behaviour, not all would.

Playboy means a wealthy man who spends his time enjoying himself, especially one who behaves irresponsibly or has many casual sexual relationships. So although they are similar they are not quite the same.

I think “womaniser” is generally an insult isn’t it?

Melroses · 04/01/2022 23:21

@Notthemessiah

Yet it is attacking the man by inferring that his wife sexually promiscuous

Just to agree with a PP who already replied, no it definitely doesn't - it's deriding a man for being unable to satisfy his wife sexually so that she has to look outside the marriage.

It is used in terms of other men - the man is cuckolded by another man. Usually a baby is involved.

It comes from an old word for cuckoo - has allowed another to lay an egg in his nest.

It would be nice if men were ashamed of not satisfying their wives sexually though.

ITISIMSMANLO · 19/03/2025 19:00

(clears throut) small dick ,man whore ,virgin, gay, pig,leech,prick, dick, dickhead, scrote, cock, penis, bawbag, wankshaft, bellend, ponce ,tosser, bellend,cuck

Giggorata · 19/03/2025 19:21

What I'm missing here is the element of pure venom in insults directed at men, nothing like as full on as those directed at women.
Some of yours are getting there, ITISIMSMANLO.

I am using wankstain, ballbag and scrotum at present.
I might select a word implying a small penis, only with a British slant, as wiener is used in the States, I believe. How about twiglet,

Butchyrestingface · 19/03/2025 19:27

I can't really think of any insult for men that carries the connotation of promiscuity. Don't even know where to start with the ones for women.

Rake. Libertine. Never heard them applied to women. Granted, I may be in a minority of one in using libertine, but it's a good 'un, imo.

I quite like 'fornicatrix' for a woman, saw someone use it with such venom about another woman in a period movie and I was instantly very taken with it.

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