AIBU to not want partner to vape?

[lbsnsp12]

Ok so myself and DP have been together 5 years. Before we met he smoked and quit soon before we got together. He went through a stressful time about 6 months ago and picked the habit back up again. He's always known I'm really against smoking as I'm quite health conscious and especially when it comes to us having kids etc, I want a smoke free house. He also wanted to stop and he has stopped for about a month now. Today he asked me if it would bother me him having a vape. Obviously I would prefer this to smoking, but he managed to go all these years without cigarettes or any substitute (he went cold turkey last time) and he did get on just fine. I'd personally just prefer my partner not to be addicted to/reliant on anything.. does that make sense or am I being totally unreasonable? I'm also worried that nobody really knows the long term effects of vaping so whilst we currently think it's less harmful than smoking, is it really?

I will add that I grew up with an alcoholic mother and so addiction in general is a bit of a sensitive topic to me. I appreciate I could be making this into a bigger deal than it is but I wanted some perspective? The last thing I want to do is dictate to him what he should/shouldn't do or come across controlling, but how can I help that it bothers me a bit?

He asked your opinion so be honest.

I agree with you completely on the unknown effects of vaping.

I vape. I was in hospital recently and they asked if I smoked, I said no.

I snuck the vape into the hospital and chugged away. I am not in UK and had a private room and bathroom, where I did the deed. No one commented on any smell or anything. I had a chest Xray as part of the battery of tests given and lungs were completely clear, no plaque in the arteries either, and they said that was because I neither vaped nor smoked. Go figure.

I smoked tobacco for 20 years non stop until 8 years ago and vaped since. It is a wonderful thing for those like me who tried and failed many a time with gum and patches.

I would explain my position to your DP and let him decide. He does not need your permission.

I've managed to quit smoking after about 20 years with a vape ! It's the only thing stopping me going back to fags, I think they're a great NRT for some

DH first used vaping as a substitute for cigarettes when he first quit.

It was fantastic- he noticed an improvement in his health straight away. No more waking up coughing, getting out of breath, yellowed fingers and clothes smelling of stale smoke.

Six years on, he hasn’t fallen off the wagon, BUT the fucking vape pen is never of out his hand. Because there’s no limitations on using them, they don’t smell or bother other people, he is constantly using it. When our 2 year old comes to wake us in the morning, he hands me my glasses and DH his vape

I really want him to reduce his usage but it’s a sore point.

Today he asked me if it would bother me him having a vape.

What was your reply?

Thanks for your replies. I was honest with him and told him I would prefer he didn't and it would upset me to some degree. He said he didn't want to feel like he was being told what to do and that if he felt it would help him he would. He did say he wouldn't do it in the house if I'd prefer him not to which I suppose is something.

My DP is a vaper. Its pretty much his hobby. He doesn't vape in the house, he goes outside the back door. I would prefer that he didn't vape, tbh, but its far better than smoking.

Think of it this way OP. Look what's happening now. Elderly people who gave up smoking, because they were told it shortened their lives, being killed off by Covid. And we have a care home funding crisis.

I think it's perfectly reasonable asking him to do it outside if you prefer though.

Obviously we don't yet know all potential long-term effects but so far studies suggest it's much less harmful than smoking.

And at the end of the day, as Covid reminds us, we all have to live with some risks.

I’m interested in this
I gave up smoking 15+ years ago DP gave up about 2 years later (we lived together at the time)
We no longer live together but are still close
6 months ago he started smoking again but soon realised he couldn’t afford it so switched to vaping
I hate it - it’s constant - like having a dummy
I know there is no real evidence for this but I feel it affects my asthma - I can smell and taste the chemicals and it makes me feel short of breath
I won’t let him vape in my car, sitting room or bedroom which he respects but now means I can’t stay at his house anymore as obviously I can’t dictate what he does there
I don’t think it’s in my imagination even as I was out without him today in a local cafe and started experiencing similar feeling of struggling to breathe and looked round to see some random person having a sneaky vape

I've vaped six years & while it hasn't affected my health I wish I could stop, it leaves a greasy film over everything that dust clings to. This year I'm going to do my best to stop.

Hubby used a vape after giving up smoking.
It has totally fucked his lungs up. His breathing is dreadful, far far worse than when he smoked.
I know the stop smoking clinics promote them these days, but there isn’t enough research around yet, and seeing the state of hubby, I would not advise anyone to vape.