Washing up

[Nosetickle]

AIBU to be getting seriously annoyed and wound up about this. MIL is absolutely awful at washing up, she doesn’t think it’s important to use hot soapy water, she doesn’t rinse anything after she’s washed it, she will put things in the dishwasher that shouldn’t go in there. At first I would politely say you don’t have to do that when she starts washing up, but she’d insist. I’ve now got to the point where I’ve asked DH to ask her to stop doing it and gently point out that we have to rewash everything after she’s left so it doesn’t actually help us. She just laughed and said we’re too fussy about it and it doesn’t matter if things are not washed to our perfect standards. I know she wants to be helpful but it’s the opposite, it really stresses me out. Otherwise she’s lovely and we love having her over but when she was staying with us over Christmas I have found it so annoying! Should I just let it go? Let her do it even though I know we’ll only have to do it all again. DH agrees she is terrible at it but he’s also at a loss as to how to stop her.

My mil does this every week when she’s at ours; I’ve tried to say leave it or put it in the dishwasher but she continues so I’ve reluctantly made peace with it now

"We prefer to do our own washing up, please sit down and relax" or "We prefer...............please can you make tea"

DH is not at a loss, he just doesn’t want to tackle it.

Tell him that as he won’t tell his mum that she’s making more work and needs to stop then he needs to re-do all the washing every single time.

Make it his problem, not a joint one.

To be fair I can’t fault him in the way he’s handled it. I’ve been there when he’s told her not to do it and he’s even shown her things she’s washed up that aren’t clean and practically begged her to leave it alone, she just laughs at him and says his standards are too high. She makes him feel like he’s in the wrong for not letting her wash up.

Keep a soapy cup for her next visit.
Frothy tea may see her change her ways.

Your tactic of saying "you don't have to do that" wasn't very clear but it sounds like your dh is very clear and direct with his wishes. So refreshing to hear .

Your MIL sounds very strange - to just laugh in your faces and to carry on against your wishes!

Can you distract her with other tasks?! Ones that she is actually capable of doing, I mean?

She is actually just generally not very helpful in the kitchen as a whole. Just very irritating and gets in the way. I’d much rather she just relaxed or played with and entertained our DC so we could just get on with stuff, we’ve both said this to her so so many times. She often complains that she was left on her own in the kitchen a lot when younger and how much she hated it, so I know it comes from a good place. I’d welcome the help if it was actually helpful!

You or DH need to beat her to the kitchen and then say 'no, we'll do that'. Each and every time. Or, follow her in if neither of you can get there first.

I had the same problem. I just had to bluntly tell her she was totally wasting her time as we have to rewash every single item. So it's actually annoying and not in anyway helping us. She's stopped doing it now.

Mine saves a sink of soapy water for the whole morning . After half an hour it’s cold, no bubbles and has stuff floating in it. The dish washer is next door for crying out loud. It’s just gross and unhygienic.
It’s one thing in her own house, but I hate seeing it in my own kitchen

You’re obviously too polite. Shout at her next time. If that doesn’t work, push her face into the greasy lukewarm water. She’s no right to be doing the washing up in your house if you don’t want her to.