Very sad but none of my business (TW within)

[LoveMyPiano]

TW - death.

After drama with one neighbour ("friend") just before the clock struck (Police, Ambulance - and my assistance needed), I spent 1January feeling on edge (no celebrations or me anyway, which is usual). But on the evening of NYD, many Police and Paramedic, and eventually SOC turned up, with a remaining Patrol vehicle staying through the night.

Having been broken into myself, I have always been twitchy living here, and so ys, I did try to keep an eye of wh the possile casue might have been I did think it was a bit much (arrived with lights on but no siren - I didn't see them all arrive, my other neighbour rang me to ask if I knew what was "happening"....) for a break-in, unless someone badly hurt/attacked, but the Paramedic was first to leave.

I had been sitting out chatting to my neighbour (the one with issues) for a bit,after I had come back in my car, at about 8pm - and then all the upset started at about 10pm. I had such a bad feeling about it all.

In short - and obviously from my TW, I was told the neighbour had taken her own life that evening. So very sad. I didn't know them beyond a nod Hello, and taking in parcels etc., so it is not, as I have said, my business at all really - BUT it is weighing heavily on my mind, and I feel so awful for the partner left behind.

I cannot and will not "gossip" locally, so here I am - just talking about it, to get it straight in my mind. Even though I didn't know her/them, their relationship seemed happy, and they only got married a year or so ago, just before the pandemic. Because the houses face one another, I am thinking about it more each time I step out of the door - and I certainly don't know if I should send a card or something....... (not yet).

I will probably be told I am abormal to let it make me sad, but I can't help but wish she hadn't felt so bad that that was all she could do.... I saw a visitor leave when friend/NDN and I were chatting, so all must have been "well" or OK at that time. But such a short time later..... That was all it took.

Just very down about it today (and personally I usually avoid talk about suicide and self-harm, as I am perpetually close to the edge myself) - but if she wanted the endless peace, then it is such a sad thing.

Her poor family and friends.

New year is a trigger for many unfortunately.

You are perfectly entitled to feel sad about this. It would be a bit odd if you didn't?
I'm sorry, any loss to suicide is especially painful if you have suffered with those thoughts yourself. Do you think it might be helpful to find some counselling perhaps online?

@WorraLiberty

Her poor family and friends.

New year is a trigger for many unfortunately.

Yes, it must have been a thousand times more of a shock to them......

I think another person has done similar on NYE or NYD at a nearby beauty spot/SSSI - which is visited by alot of families.

I alway wonder - after watching The Bridge [documentary] - how many change ther minds, but it was just too late.

I'm sorry you've been so upset by this, but it's okay and normal that you are. Even just knowing her to say hello it's still normal to be affected. I think it would be lovely if you sent a card, just say something along the lines of "No pressure to reply, but if there's anything I can do I'm just across the road". Don't do it if you don't have the capacity to support, a simple condolence message would be just as nice.

Please reach out for support if you need it, Samaritans are great if you need to get this off your chest to someone who can offer more support than we can on here.

@sundaydayisnotmyfundayday

You are perfectly entitled to feel sad about this. It would be a bit odd if you didn't? I'm sorry, any loss to suicide is especially painful if you have suffered with those thoughts yourself. Do you think it might be helpful to find some counselling perhaps online?

Thank you. I tell myself that it is acceptable, but am sure someone will say I am just nosey...

I personally am beyond help too - but carry on, for some reason. Getting through the Holiday time is always a challenge - am just sorry she couldn't manage it.

Exactly the same thing happened to me, 3 years ago on New Year’s Eve. Like you I didn’t know my neighbour very well. We’d stop for a chat in the street if we we’re both passing and take in parcels for them.

Like you my house was directly opposite so we saw everything going on. It really did affect me and stayed with me for many weeks afterwards. I couldn’t understand why as we weren’t close but I couldn’t stop thinking about it and family left behind.

To this day I regret not offering to help more afterwards and checking in on them.

It does get easier over time but I will never forget.

I think it’s very normal to feel sad and effected by it when something like this happens so close to home. A colleague of mine committed suicide, we are part of a fairly big organisation and I had only spoken to her a handful of times about work related things but it really effected me, I saw her and nodded hello as she was leaving work that day and that evening she took her life. My mental health wasn’t great at the time and I think that made it more difficult in many ways as suicide was something I had been contemplating myself.

Hope you are able to take some time to yourself and process what has happened.

Your feelings are very normal and valid, it affects me deeply just hearing or reading sad things in the news so i can only imagine if i had known the person. I would post a card to let the family know you are sorry for their loss and thinking of them at this sad time. Take care of yourself

Oh my goodness that is awful!
You are not abnormal to feel sad, I felt sad just reading it!

I’m thinking about my neighbours and in some ways it would feel worse if it was someone who I didn’t speak to as much as you don’t know if you should have made more of an effort or something.

But unfortunately nothing you or anyone else could have done would have changed their minds. There are celebs that are surrounded by people, money and fancy things but still take their own lives.

You never know what someone is truly going through 💔

Thank you Thank you for kind replies and understanding... So awful that this has happened, and for others who have also felt bit guilty (if that's the right word). Facing facts, I am sure I personally could not have made a scrap of difference...
But the night before (NYE) when I had helped the Ambulance crew with my other neighbour (friend, sort of), I felt SO SO much better when, after their failed attempts, it seemed that it was only my (calm?) presence that helped her to see a way forward, and then they could help her (she had been seriously hysterical until that point).
Not that I am at all powerful, but I just wish I could have done.... SOMEthing for the neighbour over the road.

So SO true that we never know someone else's story, or reasons for what they may do.

Thank you so much again lovely people xx

YANBU. One of the mums from school committed suicide a few years back and I was really affected by it. I knew her but not really well, our DDs were friends and she was always such a chatty, cheerful, kind person. I was so shocked and saddened by it to think that someone was in that dark a place and nobody had any idea.

It is sad, someone my husband knew when younger moved onto our street a few years ago, he killed himself fairly soon into lockdown and i felt awful that someone had felt so desperate so close by and we didn’t know.

That's really sad OP.
There is a saying that suicide occurs when pain exceeds coping for pain. I find that in a weird way, this helps me to process why people take their own life even though we, as people left behind, find it utterly tragic.

On another note to some posters (and with no criticism intended- it's so much part of common parlance) we try to avoid saying 'committed suicide' now because 'committed' harks back to when suicide was a crime. It's considered better to say 'took their own life', 'ended their life' or 'completed suicide'

@JanetandJohn500, many feel that completed suicide also perpetuates stigma. When you complete something it is a success, dying prematurely is a tragedy. It could also suggest that there's been previous attempts.