To want to leave my partner to protect my daughter

[Tiredofthis1]

Long story short I have been with my partner 7.5 yrs, my daughter is 9 and we have a 1.5 yo DS together, DP brought a house and I gave up my council property (small 2 bed flat) so we could be a family together, however, he doesn’t like my daughter, he has point blank said it out right, he can be so nasty about her and she is now picking up on the fact he can’t stand to be around her, I had her at 17 so we are so close, she tells me everything and she is also going through an autism assessment. She now doesn’t see her dad as he hit her and is hooked on drugs so for her protection I stopped contact which she doesn’t care about as she never liked going to see him. My problem is she is now settled in our house, she loves her room and all of her things here as having potential autism she struggles with big changes (which she has had a lot of over the past couple of years). I want to leave, I almost hit my DP over his comments, they are becoming increasingly more horrible and I cannot take it no more, I’m protecting her from her dad and now I’m protecting her from my partner, I don’t want to take my son away from his dad but I can’t put my daughter through this, the trouble is I’ve given up a council property before and I don’t know if I will be entitled to another one, I kick myself every day and wish I had my little home back, does anyone know of my chances of getting another council property? If I leave I know I will be homeless as my family can’t take me in, I have a disabled sister who lives at my mums and it just wouldn’t be fair, I just don’t know my first step to move forward. Any help or advice would be appreciated, I’m so sorry for the long ‘short’ story xx

You need to leave him for your daughter.

Call the council housing authority and ask? It’s going to be area dependent. Start looking at private rental costs too.

Surely you must go? She can’t live with someone who openly hates her, it will totally mess her up.

Op you are doings the right thing.
It will get worse and worse as he gets more comfortable being rude and you can't trust him when your not there.

I'm hoping someone with proper knowledge comes along to help you.

Could you contact women's aid? This is a horrible situation please don't subject your daughter to any more abuse

I will be leaving, I can’t put her through it, he was never like this but then we never lived together before so I guess you don’t know someone until you’re with them all the time, @Changelingbutonlyforme thank you x I will call council tomorrow and see what they can do x

A horrible situation OP, but yes you really do need to leave for the sake (and safety) of your daughter.

And he isn’t being a good Dad to his own child, behaving like this in the family.

Talk to your council, and Shelter might be able to advise you, too.

I understand about your family not being able to take you in, but if you don’t have savings, would any of them be in a position to lend you a deposit for a private rental? Not sure if you work, but you will be entitled to benefits, maintenance for your little boy, and he is almost at the age for his free nursery hours if that makes working a possibility?

I do work, only part time but I’m fortunate that I work from home, I don’t have a great salary so I have no savings but my family would help as much as they could, we don’t currently receive any form of benefit, would I be entitled to any help like that? Sorry not sure how it all works, I think the council is my first go to and see what they advise, @StrifeOfBath thank you and everyone for your advise xx

Even if your family can't accommodate you long term, if you leave your partner due to relationship breakdown and are effectively homeless then the council will consider you a higher priority than if you were adequately housed and just wanting to move.

I'm not saying that means you will walk straight into a house but if you get enough evidence of your needs, including reports re your daughter then you may get extra points.

You may live in an area where you can access a scheme that helps tenants get into private accomodation. You need to talk to shelter and the cab then use their advice to approach the housing dept at the council and/or your local housing associations.

OP, I am so sorry that you are in this position. My divorce was so long ago that I'm afraid I don't know any modern rules about this sort of thing, but do you think you could find a solicitor who offers a free half hour session?

Please don't leave just yet unless he becomes dangerous, as I am wondering if you are sure that he can't be made to leave as you share a child together, and he is verbally abusive about another child in his household? I wonder if the CAB could give you any advice on this, they were very helpful to me on a different matter. But, yes you do need to stop living with him very soon.

OP, it’s great that you have a job and I suspect that this might make it much easier to get a private rental if LA housing is not an option, because waiting lists are long or whatever.

Having family who can help with a deposit is also good. Are they aware of your situation?

Yes, you would be able to claim benefits to top up your income to provide a home for you and your children. CAB will be able to advise.

I assume your DP bought the house in his name only and you are not on the deeds? In which case it is very unlikely that he could be made to leave the house!

@StrifeOfBath That’s great advise thank you so much, my family don’t know of this yet, they know a few things but I haven’t told them all of it mainly out of fear of them being angry at me for letting this situation happen, I know it’s silly to think but we are going for dinner later so I’m telling them all of it… as for the house it is in his name only, I wouldn’t get anything, I don’t have a great credit history due to my ex when we were together so I’m kinda buggered there but at this point I would rather leave with nothing than stay here.. thank you all again x