Treating adult DS like a child

[Sandra2010]

My DS(19) lives at home, which is fine. However, I noticed an unpleasant smell in our home and when I went into his room, which I don't usually do because, privacy, it is pretty much a health hazard. I'd already been annoyed and getting nowhere about him taking cutlery and crockery to his room and not returning it, but he has fast food packaging everywhere, literal piles of if, dozens of empty cans, plates with leftovers lying around. I almost vomited. If their rooms are messy, I just leave them to it, they're living in it after all, but this is honesty disgusting. However, despite being forceful, appealing to his better nature, descending into full blown shouting arguments, he won't clean it. I've now digitally confiscated his xbox by changing our wifi password. I'm treating him the way I used to when he was 14, but am I wrong?

You need to reset the rules. He's now an adult and is sharing your home, he is no longer entitled to a pass because of immaturity, teenage woes etc.
My adult DD, 23 lives with me and we have gone over things a few times as she's grown older.

I think you're well within your rights to do this! He's acting like a child in being so staunch in not cleaning his room, so therefore he can be treated like one. It's still your house, and I expect you have standards you keep for the rest of the rooms, so he should do his part and tidy up. At the very, very least he can put rubbish in a bin!

If he's acting like a kid, he deserves to be treated like one. My DS is untidy, but if I have a word he will sort it straight away.

My DC are messy too but I could never allow rubbish or old food plates lying around - it's unhygienic as could grow mould!!

If what you smelt wasn't just teenage boy BO then I would suggest that's probably what he's got?! Which could attract flies and maggots...

The only mess I can really stand is clothes on the floor, my DC frequently forget they have a wardrobe, rubbish can be so easily taken care of with a black bin bag. We also don't allow food upstairs (snacks are fine just not meals) to stop that exact problem of crockery being taken up there and left.

YANBU for punishing him he still lives in your house

Not unreasonable at all.

If his room is now such a health hazard then that has an unpleasant effect on the rest of the house (smell etc.).

Insist that smelly rubbish is put out in the bins and crockery etc. brought down to the dishwasher.

Perhaps make it a rule that meals are not eaten in bedrooms at all. I've always said this, so only a few cups or glasses end up upstairs in the bedrooms. My DDs generally bring those down fairly often anyway.

I wouldn't allow him to eat meals in his bedroom if he can't clear up after himself. We have that rule in our house with teens.

I see it as the same as a roommate in terms of their room. So messy but only affecting him, crack on. Smelly and potentially attracting pests that will affect everyone, absolutely not on.
Do what you need to get him to comply. You know this cant carry on.

House rules of being basically sanitary equals a use of the wifi

Thanks everyone, I'm glad you all think I'm on the right track. I was beginning to wonder if I was cracking up. Treating him like a child it is, then!

I had to do this with 1 of mine although I went in and started bin bagging crap, it worked they still live here but with a nicer smelling bedroom.

I would say YABU for treating him like a child and turning off the wifi. He's not a child. You wouldn't do that to another adult you lived with no matter how disgusting their room was.

But also YWNBU to tell him that if he's causing a hygiene problem and won't address it (general untidiness in his own room isn't a problem, rotten food is) then he needs to find somewhere else to live.

He behaves like a child, he gets treated like one. If he doesn't like it, he can find somewhere else to live.

Yup, I’d add in that he can leave if he won’t abide by your rules.

YANBU OP, if this was a lodger or roommate you would be seeking to kick them out. He is an adult and needs to put in the effort and if he doesn't he loses the privileges of living at home.