Taking away mobile phone from teen at night

[Wildernesswandering]

I would really appreciate advice on what is considered normal for teenagers and access to their phones. My 16 year old son gets very upset if we take his phone away from him over night. However last night he was still up chatting at 2am. I think I need to take his phone away from him at night but he insists that all his friends have access to their phones! His mocks start tomorrow and I want to enforce the ‘new rule’. He has ADHD and I think that even adults have problems controlling screen time, I need to do this to help him as executive functioning is problematic for him. AIBU?

I agree with PP 16 is too old to be starting to implement boundaries with the phone. He needs to learn for himself.

Thanks so much everyone. I will be reinstating the lapsed rule and continue to help him develops better executive functioning skills to prepare him for university/adult life. I guess achieving optimum GCSE results is part of that preparation!
Thank you so much, it’s been interesting to hear how other parents manage it!

Mine are allowed their phones in their rooms 9, 12 and 14, but with the knowledge that if they use them when they should be sleeping then they'll lose the phones for days. It's happened once with DS(9) and he got such a bollocking that he didn't do it again.
However, we have been very, very lucky that the kids are usually extremely well behaved and responsible. The eldest two have been getting themselves up and ready for school since primary age before I am even awake. Because they like to get up at 7am they make sure they get to sleep at a decent time themselves. Seems odd to me because at that age there's no way I would have been mature enough to act that way. I'm waiting for the day things change and they become horrors. Eeek!

I think it depends on the kids. Some are naturally goody two shoes and some need parents to step in because their kids are just normal everyday kids who push boundaries. You need to do what is right for your child. Sounds like you may need to step in if your DS is on his phone at 2am when he should be sleeping. Screw what his mates parents allow their kids to do. Remind your DS that only one of those kids came out of you and that is him.

I have set DD's phone so that all the apps can't be used after a certain time. She can then ask for an extension on certain things and I can approve it, say she wants to listen to music to get to sleep I can approve Spotify only. This way it doesn't matter where her phone is, she can't use it for anything

Best of luck @Wildernesswandering!

Drives me mad to see parents say 'kids need to learn self regulation around their phones'. Many adults struggle with this too!

Kids (and adults) shouldn't have their phones in their bedrooms at night. Lots of research to show that it disturbs sleep.

Many children don't 'want' to lose their phones at night (FOMO) but are actually quite grateful that they are 'forced' to as they know it's not actually good to be up at 2am.

What type of phone is it? If it an iPhone you can set him up a supervised account so the phone will be locked from say 11pm at night and unlocked again at 7am.

My 15 year old has to leave his phone with me at bedtime.
He's allowed it on a weekend but when it's school it's bed at 11pm at the latest and definitely no phone.

@LondonQueen

What type of phone is it? If it an iPhone you can set him up a supervised account so the phone will be locked from say 11pm at night and unlocked again at 7am.

Thanks - I’ll look into that. Sounds a great solution!

@noblegiraffe

Drives me mad to see parents say 'kids need to learn self regulation around their phones'. Many adults struggle with this too!

Kids (and adults) shouldn't have their phones in their bedrooms at night. Lots of research to show that it disturbs sleep.

Many children don't 'want' to lose their phones at night (FOMO) but are actually quite grateful that they are 'forced' to as they know it's not actually good to be up at 2am.

^this!

Most of us didn’t have smartphones as teenagers. I dread to think what I would have been like if I did.

Our child is 16 but because of ADHD we have rules which we didnt have for other child. We found this book useful for doing what you feel is right even for teens; Calmer Easier Screen Time Noel Janis Norton.

Yes son 16 and devices out of room at 10:30pm.