It feels like every time I hang out with certain friends, there’s an issue!
One of my best friends has a genetic, chronic illness. She has a feeding pump and tube attached to her and it’s a lot easier to go to hers than for her to come to me. We’ve been friends for a long time (longer than I’ve even known DH) and we arranged to meet up fortnightly on a Friday evening. I usually go to hers, maybe have 2 or 3 glasses, then get a taxi back before 12. I make sure DS is fed, bathed, changed, etc., and I always ask DH if it’s okay or I check he hasn’t made other plans. He usually says it’s fine, but the way he acts says otherwise. He makes digs all the time. Says I’d rather hang out with friends than him (I see him 7 days a week!). We were in the shop and he asked me if I wanted to have a drink with him that night, I told him I couldn’t manage 2 days in a row (because I’m on Mirtazapine) and he said, “It’s like that, it is. You’ll have a drink with friends, but not with me.” Then stormed off. He’s told
me, in front of his mother, that I’m always at the pub or out on the piss! 😂 This simply isn’t true! I’ve been to the pub three times this year. Once for my father’s wake. The other time was a birthday meal with the girls, and the last time was for a meal with said friend (her Christmas present to me). I’m hardly out on benders every week. Likewise, I can count on one hand how many times I actually got drunk last year. I was a bit upset he said that to his mother, but now he denies saying it or says he can’t remember.
I have invited him to social events but he’s not interested and says they’re my friends, not his. He isn’t keen on the friend in question because of her lifestyle. She got out of a violent relationship a few years ago and has had a few failed relationships and one night stands since. He actually called her a slag which annoyed me (not to her face, obviously). She also smokes cannabis for her chronic pain and he hates the stuff! I borrowed her handbag to go out and there was a condom in one of the compartments, he was convinced it was mine even though it’s obviously her handbag.
Before Christmas, we were close to breaking up as I was sick of feeling like I do everything and pay for everything. We managed to resolve things and had a lovely Christmas together. I didn’t see any of my family over Christmas (as my mum and siblings all had Covid) so we’ve sort of been in our own bubble and I thought things were improving. My old friend from school texted me to ask what I was doing for New Year’s. Before replying, I asked DH if he wanted to do anything together or had anything planned. He said no because he doesn’t see the point in celebrating New Year’s. I do like to celebrate New Year so I asked him if it were okay for me to go a friend’s house and he reluctantly agreed. He told me not to get too high or drunk though as he wants to start the new year on the right foot. (He knew my cannabis smoking friend would be there as her and my other friend are sisters in law). Before going out, I cooked for DH and DS, changed his nappy, and got him ready for bed, so DH could have a relaxing evening.
I came home at half 12 and said hello to DH who was sat in the front room. He muttered something back then I went to lie down because I was drunk 😂. Next thing I know, he walked into the bedroom and told me I was taking the piss by not even asking him how his evening went. And it’s one thing to piss off out all night, but another to not even stay downstairs and talk to him. It’s a joke. Then he stormed downstairs. I messaged him to see if he was okay (as I didn’t fancy coming down to a confrontation) and he replied that he’s tried to be okay with me going out and stuff, even though it makes him feel lonely and out of the loop. I told him that I felt he was guilt tripping me for going out and he said that I glaze over the fact he feels lonely because I make everything about myself. I was so upset I couldn’t asleep as I felt it ruined a good night. He later came to bed and tried to initiate sex but I refused and went downstairs. The following day, he wrote a Facebook status about how 2022 is “out with the old and in with the new” and how his only regret is not telling enough people to f* off. I sent the screenshots to a friend and she went mad. Told me he’s a controlling man-baby, etc.
He did apologise later, but told me he’s in a no win situation as he can’t tell me not to go out, even though it makes him feel like crap. I told him it’s his issue, not mine, and he’s going to have to deal with it. I have kept all the screenshots though because I don’t like him implying I’m a drunk, etc., to his mother.
Is he being controlling?