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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stuff is too hard to get rid of

738 replies

Clutterbusting · 02/01/2022 23:32

I want to be free of my stuff. I’m drowning in it. My house is a mess and all that happens when I have a sort out is it gets moved about. I spend money on storage solutions when I need to just get rid.
I want to but where to? Charity shops are picky and I have A LOT to shift. Selling takes too long and I can’t be wasteful so a skip is out. What can I do?
AIBU to think this is just too hard?

OP posts:
Pandagirl71 · 04/01/2022 22:27

I have had similar issues and spent lots on storage boxes when I could have just got rid. It's really hard when it's your children's stuff...I got mine to go through boxes of old cards and we had a great evening reminiscing and They chucked stuff away that I thought they would have wanted! Maybe get your DCs to help you sort their stuff out. Good luck x

Trulyhadenough · 04/01/2022 22:35

Charity shops won't refuse clothes with labels still on ! Some take unusable textiles for shredding .Toys need to be in good condition, in a box ( not necessarily original box) no electrical goods.
Nobody takes bedding- bin it.
Salvation Army has collection bins for clothes and shoes in local car park .
Our local recycling centre has a sales area for knick knacks, toys, small items of furniture, table lamps, etc . Local nursery school used to be glad of clean toys and books, may be different with Covid.
Books- Oxfam shop
It does take effort, but I put things in big boxes box under a bed, until there is a carboot full, then take it round to various destinations and gift aid what can go to charity shop.
Bigger things, freecycle.
Residue, bin it.
2 or 3 times a year, feels GREAT when it's all gone . Much better than cupboards full of things you know are not going to be ever used again - been there, done that. It's hard when you've always tried not to throw things away, and takes determination, but since I started doing it regularly a few years ago, it has got easier .

Nanof8 · 04/01/2022 22:39

Do you have a friend who would give you a hand clearing out? I have a friend who comes over once a week or so and helps me go through certain areas. Last week was the kitchen. She takes anything we box up and takes it to the local thrift store for me so I'm not tempted to take it back out of the boxes. I also put things on our local free sites and specify fcfs and quick pickup or will be taken to thrift store on this day. Then I choose a day that's only 1 or 2 days away. I still have tons of stuff to go through but this is helping me get through it.

exaltedwombat · 04/01/2022 22:42

If you don't want the stuff, let go of it.

SoupDragon · 04/01/2022 22:48

Nobody takes bedding- bin it.

Someone should tell my local charity shops that then. 🙄

Cryalot2 · 04/01/2022 22:50

I can't offer any advice.
I am a hoarder, but it's not my fault. It is genetic, my late father and other deceased relatives on both sides were the same.

BluebellsGreenbells · 04/01/2022 23:00

My mother was a hoarder - none of my sisters are - couldn’t stand the mess, or embarrassment of friends round.

You can change.

Seemslikeagoodidea · 04/01/2022 23:08

It might be hard, but it is possible to get rid of stuff, if you apply yourself to the task and work at it bit by bit, so that you gradually have a clutter free home. Use every route possible - charity shops for stuff in reasonable condition that will sell, charity skips for clothing and shoes that may not be good enough for charity shops but might be appreciated by people in third world countries, and bin other stuff gradually (being careful not to overload council wheelie bins or they might refuse to take it - be subtle). Selling online or offering stuff on Freecycle is an option, but takes time and lots of people take the pi** and muck you around, so it can slow the process down.

Once you have the right mindset it can be very liberating as you free up space in your home. Most people have far too much stuff, the trick is to be ruthless and only keep stuff that is useful, or beautiful and on display being enjoyed - don't let sentiment stand in your way. It's fine to keep some small keepsakes, but if they are larger items think carefully about devoting valuable space to them. Good luck OP.

nopuppiesallowed · 04/01/2022 23:11
  1. Earn some money. Take a pitch in a Car Boot sale.
  2. Furniture? Auction.
  3. Women's Refuge.
  4. Toys in good condition? Children's play group or local church for their creche.
  5. Clothes? Ask your local schools (primary or secondary) if they need any for dressing up or drama group.
Best of luck!
naturallyred · 04/01/2022 23:16

The stuff I really struggle with getting rid of is the kids drawings/school books etc. Under my bed is full of boxes of it. I want it gone but the guilt gets to me everytime I try to bin it

YourenutsmiLord · 04/01/2022 23:19

My DCs are adult - they have no interest in their old schoolbooks after a quick flick through. Bin most keep a couple.

Violinist64 · 04/01/2022 23:28

@Cryalot2

I can't offer any advice. I am a hoarder, but it's not my fault. It is genetic, my late father and other deceased relatives on both sides were the same.
Eye colour is hereditary, height is hereditary but hoarding is not. I am sympathetic to you as you obviously grew up in an environment where you were not taught to clean and tidy but the cycle can be broken if you really want it to be. It might mean some counselling and you would probably be an ideal person to have professional declutterers to help you but it is possible to change.
Littlepurpledragon · 04/01/2022 23:28

I have watched alot of decluttering you tube videos. They have been great for motivation and where to start. Also the psychology of stuff and the way we relate to it. I recommend "Dawn from minimal mum" Caz from " clutterbugs" and Dana from " a slob comes clean".
They all recommend you start with the easy stuff, throw out rubbish and broken, ripped, rotten whatever..unusable things.
15 minutes a day to clear out a small space to build up momentum.
If it's toys from the 80's/90s check ebay 'items that have ended prices. Its amazing how sort after some toys are.
I don't have access to a car or someone to do tip runs , I have just taken a shopping bag to the local clothes bin everytime I visit the shop, sold books on "we sell books" (I've found pays out more than other apps and they will send you a address label if you don't have a printer or a hermes pick up close by, all free pick up/collection) other books donated to phone boxes, toys to local preschool or sold on ebay. It has been a year long process and I've donated about 75% of stuff. Out of sight out of mind , once its gone you forget about it and enjoy it not taking up head space . As Dawn from minimal mum says it's "inventory" and there's too much for you to care and negotiate space with then it should go.

Violinist64 · 04/01/2022 23:32

By the way, I think we all have the message now that leaving things outside charity shops is fly tipping. It must have been mentioned about fifteen times on this thread. 😁

Littlepurpledragon · 04/01/2022 23:45

For anyone who's suffering and interested in getting started ..

Minimal mom

TeaAndBiscuitsAndWine · 05/01/2022 00:26

@Anordinarymum

How can a charity shop be picky when you leave the bags of stuff outside?
Charity shops lose a lot of money from people using them as a dumping ground for junk they cannot sell. They then end up wasting staff and volunteers time sorting through it, then have to pay to have it taken away. Not really acceptable to do that to a charity - if you know it’s stuff they won’t want, don’t dump it on them!
Owl55 · 05/01/2022 00:31

Advertise on Facebook market place as free , I’m sure people would collect it but be clear you cannot deliver as some very cheeky people expect it!!!!

cissyandbessy · 05/01/2022 00:35

@Clutterbusting Thanks so much for starting this thread - it's full of brilliant advice and resources (and many many messages about flytipping) Your situation sounds very similar to mine with hoarding unhelpful parents, years of build up of stuff and a feeling of overwhelm/ guilt at all the waste. Good luck with it and well done for making a start - I feel very inspired like a pp said to get this tackled in my life as I have a big birthday coming up and cannot bear the thought of this for the rest of my days! (Also discovered carpet moths under some boxes today 🤢 which made me feel Bleurghhh and angry with myself too)

lonelylou09 · 05/01/2022 00:37

I'm the same! I come from a long line of female family hoarders.
I'm trying my best to declutter and have too found charity shops now won't take a lot of stuff. I had to book to drop items off and they were inspected by the door and I was given books back that 'look like toast' most were brand new but had been sitting on a shelf for over 5 years.
I'd suggest Facebook market place for anything you think you can't sell. Group it together and put photos up for collect for free. We did that recently when we got given a load of clutter a family member had cleared out.. A load of old tools ect.
People are happy to pick up for free.
I think you have to be ruthless and hard on yourself.. If you haven't used it for a year.. Get rid!

WindyState · 05/01/2022 00:46

This thread really does illustrate that people think charity shops are a guilt free alternatives to the bin.

Don't give them your unwanted, unsellable shite. Don't dump it on their doorstep in the middle of the night so they can't refuse any of it. They are there to make money, not to dispose of the crap you don't want to take to landfill yourself.

altiara · 05/01/2022 02:13

Do you know if your local tip is also a recycling site? As you can get rid of a lot of things on one place eg shoes, bedding, clothes, toys, books, small electricals etc.
I find this is good for me as I have to book a slot so I have a definite time slot to work to do even if I don’t do a lot, I will get rid of some stuff.

Also, I did see someone say if you get a skip they will recycle things where possible. This is what I did before moving house but with a Hippo bag. Made it so much easier to chuck things out when you know someone will be recycling some of it. Recommend it.

I still have a garage full of stuff after moving house. Now I’m trying to tackle it, it’s so hard!

Labracadabradoodle · 05/01/2022 02:38

Choose a waste removal firm who don't send anything to landfill.

sue20 · 05/01/2022 04:23

@Anordinarymum

How can a charity shop be picky when you leave the bags of stuff outside?
I hear that they just chuck stuff. Probably unwanted clothes become rags. Charity shops can end up being dumping grounds which means you’re passing the problem on. Personally I think they over select you no longer get the pleasure of something great which just needs repair. Some are just full of last season chain shop rubbish. But they have a space problem too!
sue20 · 05/01/2022 04:47

@Littlepurpledragon

For anyone who's suffering and interested in getting started ..

Minimal mom

Well she’s a bit frantic but cheerful. However it’s all just obvious stuff. I mean “using” books? That old chestnut about chucking stuff you haven’t worn for a year? Oh well I suppose it’s good for energy but no proper helpful advice here.
sue20 · 05/01/2022 04:57

@SeasonFinale

Do it a drawer or cupboard at a time. Say today I will tidy X. And then do it. If you feel like doing another then do so. But set the tasks as very small ones and that way they don't overwhelm you and you get there in the end. I did (and am still doing) my house this way and some days I get through loads more than the one drawer or cupboard I intend to do.

(However I still do have my spare bedroom which is a proper dumping ground to do if someone can give me a kick up the bum for that!!)

I have a timer. Set for 15 minutes clearing then take a break. Then another 15minutes etc. Really helpful for the panicky overwhelm.