To not want to sell on a pram that was gifted to me

[Matwood]

My cousin very kindly gave me her old Bugaboo pram when I was pregnant (she and her husband had been given it by a colleague of her husband). I only used it a few times with my little boy - found wearing him in a carrier much easier, and now I occasionally use a collapsible stroller. Although we're hoping to have another baby I just don't see myself using the pram, so decided to get rid of it.

My partner assumed I would try to sell it but I told him I don't feel right selling it, I was planning on giving it away. He became quite cross and said it just shows that I assume he will always provide money and that I'm not careful enough with it and I need to think about providing for my family more.

For context, he has his own business and earns approx. £50000 a year, I work 30 hours a week as a nurse and earn about £23000/year. We split bills and childcare (not half and half, he does pay more) and I pay something towards the mortgage but not a great deal, as I'm not on it. We are engaged.

AIBU to want to give the pram away, as it was gifted to me? It's in fairly decent condition but was well used by my cousin.

I don't know where to start. Firstly stop paying into the mortgage. Secondly don't even consider another baby until you're married. Thirdly.. yanbu to not want to sell a third hand pram.

I'm glad that people seem to agree that there's something very unsavoury about trying to profit off something that was given freely. I'd feel different if it was something that was given as a birthday/Christmas gift etc. thought it's hard to explain exactly why.

Do not have another baby with a man who tells you you are “assuming he will provide for you” and tells you to think about financing your family better.

I’d definitely pass it along to someone else who could get use out of it

You, a female cocklodger? Don't be ridiculous. You work, you're the mother of his child, and I'd bet my house you do the vast majority of the childcare, cooking, cleaning, and admin work. Your partner has a very ugly, greedy, selfish side. You've been warned.

I think it’s lovely to pay it forward when you get something for free - but I don’t see a moral obligation to do so.
Your cousin also had it for free - I don’t think you owe anything back up the chain to the person who gave it to her.
I do think it would be good manners to say to cousin, “I’m thinking of selling on the pram - what do you think? Half each?”
And as the cousin I’d say, “it cost me nothing and you’ve got the hassle of selling - you keep it all.”
I don’t see any issue with selling it if that conversation takes place.
I also don’t see any issue with your boyfriend being the sort of person who always sells on instead of gifting. I’m like you, but my daughter’s stepmother is always selling - just different.

If (if if if!) money was tight and especially if he had the main financial burden, I do think it would be fair enough to ask you to sell not gift - again, subject to checking with your cousin.

What’s not acceptable is the shitty comments with that.

I think you should offer the pram back to your cousin - if I was her I would expect this and would be really unimpressed if you sold it.

And as lots of PPs have said, you need to sort finances/status with your partner, and you need to consider your different approaches to money and decide if you do want to marry him.

You sound lovely and decent and hardworking. I too, bet the majority of the domestic drudgery falls to you.

Your husband on the other handed sounds like a sanctimonious prick.

OP,

I think he sounds awful and you sound vulnerable.

Do not get pregnant again with this man.

Stop paying towards a house you don't own.
You need to be saving some money so you have some emergency funds.

Please be careful.

I know I’m sort of missing the point here (everyone else has pointed out the red flags already), but:

“He became quite cross and said it just shows that I assume he will always provide money and that I'm not careful enough with it and I need to think about providing for my family more.”

Yet the provenance of the pram, which is the item in question, had literally nothing to do with him.

A very good point @neatlittlerows. He provided fuck all in the way of perambulation.

My sister gave us a lot of quality items. I asked her and it was agreed that I either pass items on to whoever I know who could use them, or, if I choose to sell, I keep half and give her half.