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AIBU?

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Original poster

Will I have to pay for divorce twice?

16 replies

1smallhamsterfoot · 02/01/2022 19:39

Sorry, posting for traffic. I’ve had to change my number as despite doing a moonlight flit over a year ago, my abusive husband will not leave me alone. I desperately want to file for divorce but I’m worried if I file as unreasonable behaviour he will contest it just to piss me off. I know no-fault comes in in April (hopefully). If I file for grounds and pay now and he contests will I have to pay again to file no-fault?
I know I should just wait it out and be grateful this new legislation even exists as otherwise it would be five years but I’m so so scared and tired of it all.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
1smallhamsterfoot · 02/01/2022 20:07

Bump

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 02/01/2022 20:58

Sorry I don’t have any experience myself with divorce.

What is the reason you want a divorce?

My friend’s mum separated from her ex over 30 years ago and they’re still married. She’s always said that it’s never caused her any problems.

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 02/01/2022 21:07

Contested divorce is vanishingly rare since the law changed in 1974. He will have to pay a lot to retain a lawyer with the required knowledge - or he could make an idiot of himself and try to do it himself. Whatever he does he’s pissing in the wind.

Lasvegas · 02/01/2022 23:00

He can sign the divorce form to say he does not agree that he is unreasonable but that he is ok with the divorce proceeding.

Hankunamatata · 02/01/2022 23:05

Id get legal advice

Firstworlddilemma · 02/01/2022 23:10

If you make an application for divorce based upon his unreasonable behaviour then you have to demonstrate to the court that he has received the paperwork not that he agrees with the reason for the divorce. It is extremely rare for anyone to contest/defend a divorce and even rarer for the court to refuse a divorce.

I am not certain how the new system will work however I would expect that you would simply pay an amendment fee rather than a new application fee (the amendment fee is around 25% of the application fee).

The current online system is significantly quicker than the new system is going to be.

gogohm · 02/01/2022 23:13

If it's only April to file for irretrievable breakdown, that might be quicker as there's less to prove

StripeyDeckchair · 02/01/2022 23:15

Yes

My wanker ex did this to me. Claimed he thought we could reconcile.
Then bribed me - pay all the debts & I'll give you a divorce. I agreed because he was shit with money, spent every penny he had & then some - I was scared of being landed with his debts.

Cost me a fucking fortune

Keepempeeled · 02/01/2022 23:21

Solicitors will give you 30 minutes free advice, which I highly recommend.
Just got through this and divorce finalised although not physical abuse, he argued my reasons for divorce and cost money in the back and forth until he was happy with wording. Be very clear with legal team that mediation isn’t an option because it is very much favoured these days. Stay strong OP, things will get better xxx

Original poster
1smallhamsterfoot · 02/01/2022 23:23

Thank you all. So even if I file for unreasonable behaviour now he can drag it out past April anyway?

OP posts:
PurpleStripyScarf · 02/01/2022 23:33

@1smallhamsterfoot

Thank you all. So even if I file for unreasonable behaviour now he can drag it out past April anyway?
Oh yes
Serendipity79 · 02/01/2022 23:36

I filed for unreasonable behaviour. Ex didnt contest, but did mess about ignoring paperwork so i had to get a process server to hand serve them at his office. The advantage with UB is you can ask for an order for costs, I have one (not that my ex has actually paid me but thats another story)

You can file online, and you only need one angry text from him saying "why have you filed for divorce" and then you can apply for deemed service and it will all go through whether he wants it to or not. Contested divorces are really uncommon, as no one can tell you that his behaviour is reasonable if you think it isnt. You only need a few grounds and they dont need to be awful e.g. "Mr X has spent a lot of time with people outside the marriage and therefore intimacy has declined to a low level"

TheHoptimist · 02/01/2022 23:43

@WonderfulYou

Sorry I don’t have any experience myself with divorce.

What is the reason you want a divorce?

My friend’s mum separated from her ex over 30 years ago and they’re still married. She’s always said that it’s never caused her any problems.

Wait until one of them dies
TheHoptimist · 02/01/2022 23:48

@WonderfulYou

Sorry I don’t have any experience myself with divorce.

What is the reason you want a divorce?

My friend’s mum separated from her ex over 30 years ago and they’re still married. She’s always said that it’s never caused her any problems.

Your friends mum dies Her husband inherits everything Your friend inherits nothing-she doesn’t even get her mum’s jewellery

He remarries and gives it all to his 18 year old Russian bride (or just doesn’t remarry but doesn’t leave it to your friend)

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