Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Did I say anything wrong?

35 replies

RainbowBriteUk · 02/01/2022 18:04

My ex got in touch with me out of the blue a few weeks back. We were together for ten years and lived together for eight.

When we broke up it was very fraught and we ended up not speaking until last year when we spoke again. We ended up having sex a few times but I feel he used me during that time.

I told him I felt used and he took offence and blocked me. All fine by me.

Then a few weeks ago he unblocked me. When we were still living together, he came home very inebriated one night and told me he was gay. It was the early hours, we were separated by that point and I told him I'd always support him but to go to bed and we'd talk about when he sobered up. He wasn't upset, he just said it matter of factly.

After that, things went downhill, he was treating and speaking to me badly, going out every night and we didn't get to spend time together so it was never mentioned again.

Since our break up a few years ago he hasn't dated anyone else as far as i'm aware.

Last night we were texting. He was drunk again and he was talking about a friend who I've met and how they were going on a break soon which they do every few weeks (both earn a fair amount). His very close friends, who I still speak to sometimes have all said he's gay. I then said that he and this friend spend a lot of time together (every night to be exact), frequent gay venues together, and I asked if he is gay. He went off on one at me so I said I just wanted to offer support if he was and that's why I was asking. It's always something I've wondered about since.

He's gone mad and I guess that's that again, no more communication for us, but was I unreasonable to bring it up?

OP posts:
Hunderland · 02/01/2022 21:52

Op this is you talking about your ex:
When we were still living together, he came home very inebriated one night and told me he was gay.

YES HE IS GAY

NO HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU

As I said, probably a waste of breath. Your ex is gay. Your ex bf is gay. Neither want to be in a relationship / have a relationship with you.

I'm going to make a suggestion here... could be that you don't ever listen?

Hunderland · 02/01/2022 21:53

(bf - that's ex best friend)

Newbabynewhouse · 02/01/2022 21:58

It doesnt matter at all unless you're not over him and want to know if you stand a cha ce getring back together? Thats the only reason you need to ask..if not.. then dont bother...

HestersSamplerofCarrots · 02/01/2022 22:11

I cannot tell from your OP which ‘he’ you were talking about: your ex or his new friend. (It also seems - somewhat confusingly that you have an ex-‘friend’ who is also gay.)

But it doesn’t really matter.

He’s your ex. So’s the ex-friend. Your ex’s friend is nothing to do with you. Delete his number, block him on everything and STOP TALKING TO HIM (and that goes double for anyone and everyone who you’ve slept with/have feelings for but who seems to be gay. Move on from all of them and find someone who is a) available and b) interested in you.)

Georgeskitchen · 02/01/2022 22:19

I think you need to block both of them and move on

SweetPotatoDumpling · 02/01/2022 22:27

Goodness this is confusing! I have no idea who is/isn't/might be gay 🤦‍♀️🤯

Hunderland · 02/01/2022 23:14

@RainbowBriteUk apologies for my tone earlier. I hope you do have other support IRL. Maybe AIBU not the best place for this though, possibly move to relationships?

Namechangehereandnow · 03/01/2022 10:52

OP you seem to be shouting at people to read your post properly - you need to write it properly. It is literally as clear as mud.

But now we know - your ex is gay, he has a new friend who others say is gay, you’ve asked your ex if his new friend is gay? …. WHY are you bothered and WHAT has it got to fo with you? - NOTHING. Leave them both be, block your ex and get on with your own life!

HTH1 · 04/01/2022 16:25

I think OP is torturing herself about her ex almost certainly being in a gay relationship with his new ‘special friend’.

OP, you need to let it go. Even if they are not in a relationship, your ex will still be gay and therefore you won’t get back together. The quicker you move on, the happier you will be.

VelvetChairGirl · 04/01/2022 16:28

The whole thing sounds odd, why are you talking to him, he's your ex move on and cut him out your life.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page