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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I be expected to do this?

40 replies

Houseofboys2710 · 02/01/2022 14:50

First time poster here..
Just want to get other peoples opinions as I'm not really sure if I'm in the right or wrong to feel how I do.
Ds 7 and 10s dad has recently got into a new relationship (when I say recent I mean about 2 weeks ago). His girlfriend lives an hour away from us, but he also has his own place 10 minutes away. He doesn't drive she does.
Last night he asked if the dc could go and stay with him over at hers. I've met her once. I didn't like the idea but I agreed provided they would pick them up and drop them back, to keep the peace as he has been known to kick off at me if he doesn't get his way and also because I knew dc would appreciate seeing him. I am now worrying this is going to become a regular thing. I am not prepared to do a 2 hour round trip when he has a place of his own 10 minutes away where he could have them, but also feel it isn't his girlfriends responsibility to taxi them around. Would that be really unfair of me? Should I be driving them any distance so they can see him? I do work and have a toddler to consider.
For background, he hasn't been consistent in their lives at all. We broke up 6 years ago after years of emotional abuse. For the first year he was with a new girlfriend and saw them regularly, but when she kicked him out he moved 2 hours away to his mums as he had no where else to go and saw them a handful of times in 4 years. He moved 10 minutes away a year ago and has continued to see then only a handful of times. He has taken a lot more interest in the last couple of weeks since he's been with his girlfriend. Also he doesn't work and never has so not as if he has been too busy with that to see them.

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 02/01/2022 16:43

He's trying to show his new gf that he's a good dad, isn't he? I do hope your kids spill the beans while they're there. I wonder whether she realises he's never worked.

I wouldn't take them or pick them up. He has to live with his own decisions.

TinyTroubleMaker · 02/01/2022 16:44

Thing is, if you do drive to hers you get an opportunity to meet her and make clear this is new behaviour for him, for her benefit. So there is some advantage in doing it at least once.

CriminalOrator · 02/01/2022 16:45

Also he doesn't work and never has so not as if he has been too busy with that to see them

How does this Adonis keep getting women to sleep with him?

Don’t do the journey, it’s not your journey to make. He moved, not you. If the girlfriend is daft enough to do it for him, so be it.

Stop facilitating his sheer ineptitude by picking up the slack. If he’s prepared to not see his kids for ages like before, so be it. I can’t hardly imagine they’ll miss out on much by by not seeing their disinterested, feckless, unemployed father.

takenforgrantednana · 02/01/2022 16:53

@Houseofboys2710

First time poster here.. Just want to get other peoples opinions as I'm not really sure if I'm in the right or wrong to feel how I do. Ds 7 and 10s dad has recently got into a new relationship (when I say recent I mean about 2 weeks ago). His girlfriend lives an hour away from us, but he also has his own place 10 minutes away. He doesn't drive she does. Last night he asked if the dc could go and stay with him over at hers. I've met her once. I didn't like the idea but I agreed provided they would pick them up and drop them back, to keep the peace as he has been known to kick off at me if he doesn't get his way and also because I knew dc would appreciate seeing him. I am now worrying this is going to become a regular thing. I am not prepared to do a 2 hour round trip when he has a place of his own 10 minutes away where he could have them, but also feel it isn't his girlfriends responsibility to taxi them around. Would that be really unfair of me? Should I be driving them any distance so they can see him? I do work and have a toddler to consider. For background, he hasn't been consistent in their lives at all. We broke up 6 years ago after years of emotional abuse. For the first year he was with a new girlfriend and saw them regularly, but when she kicked him out he moved 2 hours away to his mums as he had no where else to go and saw them a handful of times in 4 years. He moved 10 minutes away a year ago and has continued to see then only a handful of times. He has taken a lot more interest in the last couple of weeks since he's been with his girlfriend. Also he doesn't work and never has so not as if he has been too busy with that to see them.

you do what you normally would have done before this girlfriend of 2 weeks came along, i.e. if you dropped them at dads house then you carry on doing that, or if he collected from yours then you do that. whatever he and his girlfriend of 2 weeks decides to do and where they stay is then between them, as long as they inform you before you part with the kids, but you do need contact details and an address for hers in the case of an emergency

Mischance · 02/01/2022 17:00

You shouldn't be asked to do this. Don't do it.

eagerlywaitingfor · 02/01/2022 17:02

I wouldn't worry too much about it - as soon as this other woman realises that he expects her to look after his children as well as her own, she's going to knock it on the head anyway.

PinkSyCo · 02/01/2022 17:05

Let him kick off all he likes. You are not together, he has no control over you. It is not right for your kids to be meeting his partner of only two weeks let alone him expecting you to facilitate it. Stick up for yourself and your children OP.

Brigante9 · 02/01/2022 17:18

New gf of 2 weeks? I’m sorry, I know you said he’d be nasty if you refused, but omg!

Singinghollybob · 02/01/2022 17:21

It's up to him where he wants to take them or spends his time on his contact time. If he wanted to take them to the zoo an hour away surely you'd expect him to make his own travel arrangements, and I'd see this as the same.
He needs to sort out his own travelling and it's up the girlfriend if she wants to do any ferrying on his behalf. Stay well out of it

BoredZelda · 02/01/2022 17:33

Do half of the ferrying

Nope. Tell him the kids are at your place if he wants to see them.

BurntToastAgain · 02/01/2022 17:37

Tell him that you’ll share half the ferrying to and from his house.

What he chooses to do after you drop them off there is up to him.

BurntToastAgain · 02/01/2022 17:51

I wouldn’t worry about the longer term anyway. This is a GF of two weeks.

debwong · 02/01/2022 18:15

We broke up 6 years ago after years of emotional abuse
He moved 2 hours away to his mums as he had no where else to go and saw them a handful of times in 4 years
He moved 10 minutes away a year ago and has continued to see then only a handful of times
He doesn't work and never has

What a catch

I cannot understand how men like this continue to attract women

Cakecakecheese · 02/01/2022 18:28

It sounds like he's attempting to Disney dad thing to impress the new girlfriend. Given what you've said about him I can't imagine it'll last.

BurntO · 02/01/2022 18:32

God he’s a shit dad. YANBU OP. I’d offering to drop them at HIS place, no further

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