AIBU to remain uninvolved?

[teleskopregel]

My parents, who are in their mid-70s, have recently split up. They have been unhappy for decades, and separated after a big argument. Dad moved in with my sister, and my brother moved into the family house with mum. I am overseas for the near forseeable future. My relationships with both parents and siblings is distant, due to a dysfunctional up-bringing.

Things are now acrimonious between my parents, with both alleging physical, financial and emotional abuse. Both have also said they have filed reports with the police. It is messy, but I doubt very much they have been to the police. It seems they are treating each other how they have treated other people throughout their marriage, which is to say they are not nice, nurturing people but rather dishonest and somewhat greedy. As a result, I have no idea what is going on and what the truth is.

My siblings are also now over-involved. One in particular has been contacting me with increasing regularity and pressure to take sides and support one parent over the other. I said definitely not, and suggested a visit to a lawyer or some sort of mediator if my parents cannot be civil. I am having some doubts, however, due to the age of my parents. Both are not in great health, and the stress of separation and potential divorce could be deadly.

My question is, AIBU to remain uninvolved or should I step in and attempt to mediate? Has anyone had experience of older parents divorcing, and how involved were you?

Definitely stay uninvolved. I initially got dragged in during my parents divorce, but have found its easier and calmer for everyone now that I remain impartial, uninvolved and see them both separately. It's hard to put those boundaries in place though initially

Keep well clear of it all is my advice

If they’ve always been like this, then how they treat each other is a habit. You need to stay natural and not comment because they will tell each other what if anything you’ve said and likely to twist it and turn them against you. No good will come of getting involved.

Stick with a standard ‘well I’m sure the police will look into it, oh right we’ll they need to inform the lawyers’ ‘oh that’s a shame perhaps they shouldn’t communicate’

The flying monkeys will stop when you don’t give them any fuel for their fire.

Mine divorced when I was 35 and pregnant. They'd been very unhappy for at least 15 years (right when I was doing my a-levels, it was vicious).
I'm abroad. They'd both ring me up to whine and slag off the other. Made me I'll, thought I was going to lose the baby. Told them both to back off - talk to a friend, a sibling, a councillor. My dad totally got, was beside himself with apologies, we have a fantastic relationship. Mother is a narcissist who couldn't give a fig about what anyone else feels. It's been 10+ years and she still makes acidic comments, so I keep her at arm's length. She didn't like being told not to offload on me, so poured her poison in my sister's ear instead.

Their divorce was nothing to do with me. They're both welcome to visit, I'll visit them individually. But any comments from my mum I shut that shit down.

Your siblings have put themselves in the middle and taken sides. Be Switzerland.

Keep out of it. Nothing good will come of your involvement. It will just drag you down. If your siblings want to get involved, on their heads so be it.

Thanks, everyone. I will remain quite happily uninvolved. I just wish they had done it sooner and at least had a couple of retirement years to enjoy. Why do people leave it so long?

It's incredibly hard to stay uninvolved, though it might be worth Influencing them to mediation. The sooner it is all settled the better for the wider family.