Leaving partner

[jmpt29]

Sorry, this really isn't a AIBU but I just really don't now where to turn.

I want to leave my partner, it is a long time coming and not something I have taken lightly. Things between us have not been great for the last couple of years and I am at the point where I just can't do this any more.

The problem is, I've been in a relationship for such a long time, I'm not quite sure how to cope with being along.

About a year ago I asked him to leave, he did and I found myself apologising and asking him to come back a few days later. It wasn't because I had made a mistake and realised that I loved him and wanted him back, it was because the house felt lonely and quiet and the days were really long and I just felt off.

I have 2 small children under 5, whilst they are awake my time is filled with them so that is fine, it is the evenings, they are both asleep by 7/7.30pm and after that I don't know what to do with myself but I don't want to give in again, I really want to do this.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and felt like this? How did you cope? What can I fill my time with? I've lost myself over the years so I don't have any hobbies or interests, I can't go out because the little ones are in bed. I don't just want to end up watching TV until late and going to bed. I just don't know what to do.

Does this feeling go away? How long does it take?

I'm really sorry for this being such a long read, I just don't have anywhere else to turn.

I'm not experienced with separation but I'm a parent and I know friends who've gone through this. As it sounds as though you're sure about this decision I think you're going to be fine. The children are still young so your mind will be occupied with them even when they're asleep. You will meet other mums and women in the same position as you through play-groups, schools and you will start to be friends and socialise through those circles. Most couples in relationships just slump in front of the telly at the end of the day and there's nothing wrong with that. As you meet more people and when this flipping covid business settles down a bit we'll start going out more. I don't know where your parents are but maybe they can help babysit. Sorry I can't give more detailed help. Just wanted to say that it sounds like you've given it so much thought and you know that sticking together in an unhappy relationship isn't fair to you or your kids. Best wishes :)

What do you do with your evenings now, with your partner in the house?

Op I'm feeling the same way. I've started a thread today about finances. I've never lived independently (apart from in halls as a student).

I was in this position 30 years ago. O family or friends nearby 3 preschool children. I managed to get the 2 older ones places at nursery and started to make friends. I got involved in a local playgroup and built up group of friends. It was hard at first but I was much happier with my ex out of the picture

In all honesty, I’m a single parent and most nights I just watch TV! But that’s no different to what I did when I was with my partner. Most of the people (singles and couples) tend to do that.

I do sometimes do some chores, washing etc. everything ready for the next day. Do some cross stitch, watch a movie, eat cheese.
When it’s not winter and dark at 4pm, we usually go for a walk after dinner, or off to the park or something.
But realistically, you know you’re going to be alone most evenings once the children are asleep. You just need to get used it.

As the children get older you wont always be SAHM... so get your ducks in a row!!
Loads of online courses to polish your skills... think about what you would like to do when you can go back to work....
Futurelearn, Open University, duolingo, You Tube tutorials... the list is endless..
Try something new, challenge yourself or develop a skill you have already.
Also take some time out to look after yourself.. meditate, yoga, pilates etc..
Good Luck!

You will get used to it, I did. After the kids go to bed I read a lot and I chat to my mum on the phone if I feel lonely. It’s tough sometimes but you’ll be ok 🙂. You’ll be busy in the day so relax in a nice bath or have an early night.