Or arrogant (Catfishing) - MNHQ EDIT, SWEET BOBBY SPOILERS

[RoyKent]

Like many others I have spent the festive period listening to the podcast, "Sweet Bobby" where a woman is tricked and coerced by a cousin catfishhing as a friend of friend. The woman truly believed she was in a relationship with this man for years through various strokes, bouts of cancer, cardiac arrests and even witness protection.
This reminded me of this more tragic story:
www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2015/sep/18/mother-and-daughter-killed-themselves-after-being-targeted-in-elaborate-scam
Am I being unduly arrogant to think the majority of people wouldn't fall for this elaborate cat fishing scams?

Yes.
There was a lot of effort involved and no one is going to think anyone is sick enough to make that shit up.

The majority of people aren't in a very vulnerable state at a particular given time, nor do they have anyone close to them who is prepared to put this much effort into fabricating a person. There was a real Bobby and she met him at one point; he didn't act the way she expected, obviously, but she put it down to nerves.

It's dangerous to assume things could never happen to us because we are too clever.

I think you're both right- much safer and sensible to maintain an "it could happen here" attitude.

"Am I being unduly arrogant to think the majority of people wouldn't fall for this elaborate cat fishing scams?"

Yes you are. There's a variety of reasons why people trust what's being presented to them.
Do you also think that strong women don't suffer from DV? It's the same thinking.

I have only read the guardian article, but it sounds like it was all very bit by bit.

Cotton had 15 different personas on the go. Wow. With such an elaborate construction of characters, my 'gut' reaction to this is that even intelligent people could be taken in because they'd have had to be suspicious of 15 different characters.

Maybe it's because I'm old, but I still don't understand why anyone would consider themselves to be "in a relationship" with someone they only ever interacted with online.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I've had online friends since the last century, but the people who got into relationships that way only considered them to be relationships after they'd met IRL. Not because of catfishing - we didn't call it that but were well aware of the possibility - but simply because, well, what would be the point?

A life-partner intimate relationship is just that - intimate, and a partnership. If you don't share anything and have never so much as touched, it's neither of those things.

I had to stop listening. Why would you ever believe anyone was in witness protection? But they would tell you using their social media account. It is terrifying tbe amount of control "Bobby" had considering they had never met.

It's a.desperately sad story and I think they were very naive. I always find it surprising how many intelligent women fall for the online "romance scams" despite all the well publicised warnings , and end up losing 100s of thousands to a fake lover
Very sad

I always find it surprising how many intelligent women fall for the online "romance scams" despite all the well publicised warnings

When you hear some of the tales of online dating and relationships, I suppose you can see why people might be very receptive to something that seems better, and where hard reality doesn't ever dash the fantasy.

I agree OP. However elaborate the scam, I don't understand how people fall for online relationships where you've never ever met the person in real life. I wouldn't be handing over money or time in that scenario and it confuses me that some people do

You can't post like this without warning you have said who did it. If anyone clicks on this who doesn't know it yet you've ruined it for them!

There's a thread on mn today, a woman in her 50s approached by a man in his 30s and there is discussion about whether it was a scam, he was flirting or being friendly and practicing his English. It's interesting I think. Opinion is divided. I think the number of mumsnetters who think it's ludicrous to suspect a scan and their willingness to give the absolute benefit of the doubt to a total stranger shows that many people could be taken in. Especially by a con with 15 identities all supporting the same narrative. God, the mind boggles at the subterfuge there.