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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to text my SiL and tell her….

52 replies

Jensonz · 02/01/2022 01:52

That posting horrendously bad photos of me on social media doesn’t make her look any better! I don’t know what my SiL’s deal is but almost every time we get together she always manages to take the most unflattering pictures of me and then pairs them on Instagram/Facebook. We had her and my nieces over the other night and my dh took some lovely photos of us all. I took (by accident) some not so flattering photos and chose not to upload them to Facebook as my SiL wouldn’t be happy with how she looks. She’s very pretty don’t get me wrong but I’m crap at taking photos and the angles weren’t flattering at all. I just wish my SiL had the same consideration. My dh thinks she has self esteem issues and does it on purpose. I mean would you be annoyed to see photos of yourself in your pjs with your hair scragged back in some really unflattering poses on Facebook or AIBU?

OP posts:
HelloDulling · 02/01/2022 07:34

Text her, yes.

“Why are you deliberately sharing unflattering photographs of me on Facebook? Would you like me to do the same to you?”

Push her to explain why she’s doing it.

HNY2022 · 02/01/2022 07:49

Someone posted about the same thing last week. Sounds like it’s a common problem with jealous SILs!

DrSbaitso · 02/01/2022 07:56

Well it'll be obvious to people what she's doing. Posting streams of bad photos of someone with no context is weird and clearly done with an agenda.

But there's nothing wrong with asking her to stop doing it. If she complains, you can remind her that she's asked you to take pictures of her down in the past. You can even say what you said here, that it won't make her look better in comparison (that's a lie that needs to die. If it were true, pop stars would deliberately choose ugly backing dancers in their videos and performances). She'll deny that's what she's doing, obviously, but you'll both know it's true.

SimpsonsXmasBoogie · 02/01/2022 08:08

I wasn't sure from your OP, but having read your updates I would say YANBU and your SIL is being nasty.

I would directly ask her why she secretly takes photos of you without your knowledge, and then posts them online. See what she says. It's very weird behaviour and the only thing I can think of is that it's done maliciously.

faithfulbird20 · 02/01/2022 08:22

That's what I don't get. If someone takes a photo of you they should ask you before putting that photo up.

Mellowyellow222 · 02/01/2022 08:22

Everyone should stop posting photos of other people on the internet!

I would never do this and I don’t understand why people need to document their life’s like this.

No one wants to see people in matching pjs sitting on a grey sofa living their best life!

Flickflak · 02/01/2022 08:22

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

WindInTheWillows7 · 02/01/2022 08:23

Tell her that you'd like to be consulted before she posts any photos of you online.

EveningOverRooftops · 02/01/2022 08:24

We are now NC

But my own sister would do this and I just fought fire with fire.

I’d purposefully comment on my butt ugly pictures to stop her trying to shame me and make me look bad.

Upload every picture my DC took.

She soon got the message and stopped.

Moolia · 02/01/2022 11:59

Every time she does it you should comment underneath with a list of photography tips taken from somewhere. So every time she does it its like she's just insulting her own photography skills.

BendicksBittermints4Breakfast · 02/01/2022 12:04

Tell her to stop taking photos of you then she can't spray the internet with them. It is utterly abusiver to take photos of someone who has asked you not to do so, I don't allow any photos of me to be taken, I have none with my grandchildren even. A fellow tourist years ago insisted on abusing me in this way and when he went to the loo I deleted them from his camera, along with every other photo he had taken on the trip!

BendicksBittermints4Breakfast · 02/01/2022 12:05

@faithfulbird20

That's what I don't get. If someone takes a photo of you they should ask you before putting that photo up.
They should ask you before even taking it.
Aderyn21 · 02/01/2022 12:13

You need to stop her taking photos of you. And also post all the unflattering ones you have of her.

DrSbaitso · 02/01/2022 12:16

Don't post unflattering ones of her. Anyone who is friends with you both will lose track of who started it and will think much the same of you both.

Quiet word with her off the scenes, and if it persists, comment under

luckylavender · 02/01/2022 12:19

I would ask her to remove them

DrSbaitso · 02/01/2022 12:19

Oops, hit post too soon. Comment under them, saying "You know I don't like being photographed secretly and then having the pictures posted. I've asked you to stop doing it."

It's tempting to mention that she's deliberately doing bad photos, but then she'll just claim that she thinks you look amazing, so you're the vain one and she's the sweet innocent. Just focus on the fact that she's taking the pics secretly and you've asked her to stop.

luckylavender · 02/01/2022 12:21

Or comment 'how do manage to always take such awful photos of me?'

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 02/01/2022 12:23

Just post ones of her. If she asks you to remove them then maybe agree not to post pics of each other at all.

CurbsideProphet · 02/01/2022 12:32

The day after my wedding DH's female friend posted loads of photos from the day on facebook. Of the maybe 15 photos of me not one of them was flattering, all were me talking / mouth open etc. I was really upset as I hadn't even put any photos on myself. I messaged asking her to remove the photos of me. She didn't reply and just removed all of the photos from the day. We used to speak on WhatsApp but haven't done so since that day over 2 years ago.

Sorry long winded there, but I really don't know why women do this. I barely post photos of people and even ask DH if he's happy before I post a photo of him / us.

Decaffe · 02/01/2022 12:38

I have a friend like this. We meet up in a group and she will take/post/share a really unflattering photo of me, every time! I have no idea why she does it.

Orangebonbon · 02/01/2022 12:43

@Jensonz

See in the past she’s messaged me and asked me to take down the odd photo even though I’m really careful what photos I post of people. I of course took them down straight away but in my head I was thinking omg really. So when she’s posted pictures of me I’ve thought sod it she knows what she’s doing and I’m not giving her the satisfaction of me asking her to take the photos done. Still annoying AF though lol.
Well I would post a not so flattering photo of her, if she asks you to take it down say “certainly, after you’ve taken down all the photos of me”. I know it’s petty, but 2 can play that game.
WorraLiberty · 02/01/2022 12:46

It's a bit silly to take to Mumsnet complaining about it rather than just simply ask her to take them down.

Life's too short really.

adreamofspring · 02/01/2022 12:51

@Jensonz

Most of the photos she posted of me on my own was when I wasn’t looking and didn’t know she was taking them. So yeah i didn’t look my best lol.
Was ready to say just ignore it but this comment shows she’s actively seeking out unflattering pics. Post your ones of her. Leave it at that and then call her out at the time she’s sneaking the pics of you so she knows that you see what she’s doing.
Nathlash · 02/01/2022 12:55

Why not tackle her at the time of taking them? I literally can’t think of a single time when I’ve just been hanging around talking to someone and they’ve just started taking photographs of me — if they did, I’d be asking what on earth they were doing, and telling them to stop.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 02/01/2022 12:59

If it's a group shot then I think it's hard to get everyone looking good. If they are just of you, and taken without your knowledge then I think you're being way to soft on her, I think you should always ask before taking a pic of someone, and secretly taking pics of someone when they're not aware, then posting them so that the first time they even know they're having a picture taken is when they're tagged in an unflattering social media pic, so really disrespectful and just downright weird. I'd never be able to relax knowing someone was about to catch me out with random pics of me in my nightwear

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