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[yuckihatecheesestrings]

It's complicated, but I'll try and keep it as brief as poss:

MIL has warned me in the past that SIL is a trouble maker. I gave SIL the benefit of the doubt as I always felt I got on well with her.

8 months ago SIL came for lunch. Just after DD2 was born SIL had been working with DP, he gave her a temp office job. DS2 was still v young and I was feeling a bit sensitive about post-baby weight. She started talking about how some of the office girls had "fat" days when they pigged out, which personally I think was a insensitive topic, esp as it was obvious I had put on a bit of weight. It was also the way she said it, not fat but FAT.

SIL then went on to say that DP was always jumping in the work van with a particular office girl and going for lunch. DP can be a complete arse, but that's really not his style. I stupidly believed her, if he had been going for lunch with her as friends he would have mentioned it to me, which he hadn't so he must have been up to no good. I was at that vunerable, extremely tired stage and not feeling particularly great about myself, SIL knew that, it was obvious. In short, it led to major arguments, self-doubt and general misery.

When DP called her for an explanation, she sait "Nothing to do with me, it's your prob, you two have got probs".

(She also behaved as if I was a comlpete madwoman when DD1 had MAJOR tantrum when we were out once, DD2 was 5 weeks old, it was too much to handle, so I decided to take them home. DD1 was being totally out of order, I know it was harsh but she never did it again. One of my oldest friends was there with her parents, they didn't bat an eyelid when I said I was going. They understood, they have been there.)

DP and SIL havn't seen or spoken to each other since.... As it's Christmas, they are meeting today with our DCs, TBH I would like to go and don't want to miss out .... but part of me can't be arsed to make an effort with her anymore, esp when she treats me like that.

AIBU?

For the sake of family peace, should I make the effort and go? Not sure if I'll be able to control myself if she pulls another stunt like that again.

Can you go and just ignore her? Seems a shame to miss out because of her nasty attitude. I take it she's your dp's sister? I feel sorry for her mum if she feels she has to warn you waht she is like!

She doesn't sound very nice, but I would grin and bear it today - for the sake of Christmas goodwill.

Go - sounds like you may be needed to keep the peace!

Breathe deeply and rise above

Last year my MIL made me and dd2 (then 4 1/2 mths) feel so unwelcome I nearly walked out, and didn't go back there for mths.
DH really wants me to go on boxing Day this year, and I will for him, but I really don't want to and will stay as little time as is not rude.

Does your DP care whether you go. If not I wouldn't.

Thanks, I will go, would only be at home thinking too much about it otherwise!

Mazzy, that makes a good mantra, BREATHE DEEPLY AND RISE ABOVE.

There is that old saying about keeping enemies close which I think is very true.

If you don't go, if you are anything like me you'll be wondering what they're all up to and it'll drive you mad. I think you should go, fix a smile on your face and rise above it all. If only to show her that she has not got to you.

DP would like me to go, but does understand if I don't want to. If I don't go it'll be because of her, so she'll know she's been coming between us and might be more likely to do it again (although it won't work if ther is a next time). If I go I suppose it'll show united front!

Yes SLTF, I would only mope around thinking about it all way too much.

Exactly! Not go and make yourself beautiful and practise a serene smile in front of the mirror!

Sorry, meant now go....

I would go and rise above it - don't let her think she has ruined things for you etc.

Thanks guys. Will def go.

Not sure why people behave like that. She's younger than us (24) and at a different stage in her life, v unsettled and hedonistic. I remember what it's like when you're at that stage and you don't know where your life is going. She prob finds it hard to deal with us being so settled (kids, mortgage, careers etc). She'll prob only ever understand what it's like if she ever has kids herself.