AIBU to ask DH to recognise when DS 6 and 5 need downtime

[addsugartotaste]

DH is a wonderful hands-on Dad. Works from home and gives the kids plenty of love and attention.
However, we argue about how to recognise when the DCs have had too much stimulation and the subsequent behaviour without a breather between activities. A weekend morning would go like this:
TV for breakfast time (7-9)
Quickly get dressed
Straight on iPad
Wii games (gets competitive)
Football games in the garden with Daddy (also gets competitive)
All of this by 11am. DS1 (5) and I are barely awake.
DH then wonders why there are tantrums/tears/awful shouting from DS 6. DH then comforts them and asks them to try and control their emotions and goes on to talk to them at length about not whinging. I feel like it's all a recipe for a meltdown.
I feel like he still can't recognise when they have had enough play and they need some quiet/free time or for him to just sit and watch them play. I ask him to step back a little between each activity as they are still little and need a mental breather. I realise I am in the minority as some Dads are not very involved so we are very lucky but this argument keeps repeating itself. He says I'm always on at him as if he's always the one who's doing it all wrong but I'm exhausted by all the drama from the kids which could have been avoided if they weren't going at 100mph.

2 hours of tv, immediately followed by iPad, and then wii?

How is that a hands on dad?

Sounds like they need to run off some steam at the park.

My DS2 was exactly the same with competitive games at that age. Utter nightmare for all concerned. Of course, kids need to learn to deal with these things - but deliberately winding them up and then tutting at them when they get upset, seems more like setting them up to fail.

YANBU basically.

This can't be real. Why so much screen time? Thats not hands on.

Huh- isn’t tv down time?

Sounds more like too much screen time. TV, iPad and Wii all before 11am 🤷‍♀️

I'd be inclined to think it was linked to the 3 hours of screens combined with the competitiveness of the football.

Jumping on the bandwagon - but surely the TV and IPad are downtime? What else would you count as such - meditation?

When you said hands on, I assumed you meant he was organising to many activities and not allowing them enough of a break in between. Screen time and a bit of football isn't what I would call 'involved' and I think you're setting your standards too low if you're excusing him ignoring their emotional needs on the basis that he lets them watch TV and play on screens all morning.

Sounds like they desperately need more fresh air. I'm a bit out of touch with younger kids' activities, are football clubs running?

Yes I'm also confused as to what counts as downtime?

They seem to have plenty of downtime with all the tv and iPad time.

Sounds like the issue is too much screen time and too much focus on competition.

😂

2 hours of tv, immediately followed by iPad, and then wii? confused

Im confused too. This would be a lazy morning in my house.

A "busy/ott morning in our house might be:

Downstairs by 7am having a battle with the stomp rocket and the velcro ball/target vest tag game
8am breakfast
8.30 build a huge fort with sofa cushions
9am bike ride
10am football competition in garden
11am scooter obstacle course on drive

Neither of my DS are good with competitive games and they usually end in tears and tantrums. I think laying off the competitive element will help.

Screens are ok for my two if the sessions are spread out and with other activities in between. It does count as their downtime but it does wind my 6 year old up and get him very emotional.

My issue is the one screen pretty much straight after the other that hypes them up in the morning. It’s a lot of gaming in a short space of time with not much opportunity to rumble around the house amuse themselves in between.

Wow that’s a lot of screen time in one go, my 8yr old can’t cope with that much and will end up extremely emotional. I would set some limits on that first.

4 hours straight of screen time from when they get up?? Did I read that right? Don’t they have any toys? What about a bike ride or playing in the garden? Park?

Even my 13 year old wouldn’t be allowed 4 solid hours of screen time.

Sri king your kids I front of screens for that length of time is the opposite of being ‘hands-on’.
If he wants to be hands-on then take them out for the morning so where.

I agree with you. It’s too much. It’s only been on the last couple of weekend mornings but DH can’t see the correlation between the screen time and the emotional outbursts. He does play with their toys with them but mostly loves playing football in the garden no matter what time of day which by nature is very competitive with two. When the tears and strops start, I think they need some headspace.
His own Dad was absent so he has found it hard to say no in the past.

Yeah after the 7-9 tv (fine, not ideal but I don't like playing with my kids that early either!), go out and do an activity. Then have lunch and have quiet time (no screens, book in bed or similar) for an hour, or let them play quietly in their rooms, then do the soccer after that, then maybe iPad OR WIi before dinner, then after dinner, bath, bed stories. I don't think just your DH is the issue, you are both the issue if you sanction that Much screen time in one massive block.

You’re focussing on the wrong thing. How’s he hands on if they’re parked in front of devices? Do they read? Play my themselves outside? Go to the park? Draw? Where are you in all this, it’s not up to just him?

We normally 'kick around the house' til lunch but that includes TV time, drawing, playdoh, den building, colouring in etc...

Your DH needs to engage in other activities with them, whether he finds it fun or not.

We’ve had a chat and are not going to sanction all of those things in one morning. They ask DH for these things and he says yes. We will spread them out over the weekend. The boys get lots of walks, Lego, park time and drawing etc as well. I think DH’s timings are all out. My issue was that when I approached DH with my concerns about it, he didn’t have a clue that the meltdowns were linked and just thought I was telling him his parenting is wrong and that I was telling him when to play with them.
Thanks for all your helpful replies x