Better school vs ?

[2manycushions]

2 DC aged 13 and 11. DD13 at average state secondary school - doing fine, nice friends but the sport and extra ciricular is non-existent. I feel particularly sad about this as went to a private school and massively benefited from the extra sport.

Looked at better state and private schools at the time but the most suitable one would require moving to another town to buy cheaper house and be a realistic school run distance. I was up for this but DH wasn't.

Now DS11 is due to follow his sister and my feelings of dismay are back. We are now in a better position to afford private school - could manage 1 from salary but 2 would need bigger but doable changes to be made, or to move to better school catchement. Best school for both still the other end of the county so realistically not possible without moving. DD would be happy to go to a new school in theory but feels mad to uproot her when she's doing fine.

I honestly feel I need to reconcile myself with the fact that neither of them are going to go to the best school for them, despite us being in a postion to afford this. How can I do this??

They already do any out of school clubs they want to, but imagine enthusiasm for this will wane as they get older and school friends become more important. We also have a maths tutor for DD but again, tutoring for both kids in all subjects isn't realistic!

My DH thinks I'm worrying unnecesarily, but I feel a tremendous guilt that we are letting our DC down by not making any sacrifices for their eduction and settling with a school that we know isn't the best for them.

Do I push again for moving or do something else to help me feel we are best using our available resources to give them the best chances in life?

I think you are overthinking this. Moving house and making sacrifices is a lot of pressure when things are ok at the moment. What if your DD (or DS) struggles with the change? Can you reframe things? If you are currently in a position to pay a set of fees, then that's a big sum of money you could save for their futures.

Did your DH go to state school? In my experience, people who have been to private schools often feel guilty at not providing that experience for their children. But it's not the only way. Personally I would only consider uprooting the family if things were bad, not just 'could be better', because where do you draw the line?

@BendingSpoons - thanks for responding. Yes, my DH went to a state school, an excellent one that his DPs moved house specifically to get him into. I absolutely feel guilty that I'm not offering my DC the same experience that I (or DH) had

But sport and extra curricular activities are something you can provide outside of school?

If your daughter is doing fine at school and has nice friends and is happy, I wouldn't risk moving her. She could go to a "better" school, not make any nice friends and be deeply miserable.

Just sign them up for whatever sports/music/drama/art classes you think they are missing.

State schools are on tight budgets - schools with higher exam results might not even provide these extra curricular sessions you want.

Use the money for student fees and a house deposit for them. A much better investment than a mediocre private school.

I looked at my children’s needs. One went to private school and the other state. Both did sport at school and went to out of school clubs. Both have done really well and I don’t regret that I took their individual needs into account on choosing such different schools for them.