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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New year's eve man

11 replies

Mufasa1118 · 01/01/2022 13:42

Can I have a little hand hold please.

I had not a great year like everyone else. I had planned a nice new years eve to treat myself.

I went to Galway in the west of Ireland for new years eve. Bars and clubs are closed at 8pm but there is a big central town square and alot of us gathered there to say happy new year.

It was lovely. Fireworks were let off. Everyone was happy.

It was the first good night I had in ages. I felt so happy.
I was walking back to my hotel alone as it was a five minute walk away.

I decided to turn around and look at the fireworks one more time. I was standing at a railing at the park, I was so happy.

A man then came over to me. He was really drunk and he said "do you have a name". I said "yeh I'm Anne". Normally I would have walked away but everyone was in a good New year eve mood in the park, and I mistakenly decided to talk to him for a while because of this.

Everyone had been friendly and nice in the park as it was New years eve, which I why I talked to him for a bit. I wish I hadn't!

He was very drunk and nasty. He tried to kiss me and I ducked it and we ended up in a small hug and I said "no I'll give you hug".

He said to me "you are a real negative bitch Arent you ".

He said "you look like the kind of girl who looks like she likes hugs".
I feel like because I said no to a kiss he was angry and then tried to imply that I was a slut

I then said something like "how is your week/life" and he said "that's a really fucking deep question to ask a man " and glared at me.

He was so nasty. He called me a bitch again.

I said "if you're going to be angry leave me alone. You came over to me".

I walked away. He followed me and slurred "what do you mean". I said "leave me alone"
I walked away again, and he followed me again until i joined a group of women and lost him in the crowd.

It really upset me. I was having such a nice night and I feel like he ruined my Nye.

He basically came over to me and called me a
bitch.

That made me cry as i didn't deserve it.

I actually went back to my hotel last night and
I was upset, and i was tossing and turning over this guy

I hate how much this kind of thing affects me

It makes me upset for hours/days
.
I know thinks like this can happen but I hate being upset for days after. It really ruins my day. How do you guys get over something like this quickly? It really shakes me up

OP posts:
Pucarbuile · 01/01/2022 13:49

He sounds like a drunk asshole. I'm sorry that happened to you. As my nan used to say, "may the harm of the year go with it". I hope the rest of your year is lovely. Flowers

Mufasa1118 · 01/01/2022 13:49

Just him saying to me "you are a real negative bitch arent you"

Really upset me.

How do some men think it's ok to go over and talk to a woman, and say that to her!

Like he approached me and then he insulted me! How does that make sense?

It would be like me going over to a man I'm attracted to and saying to him "you are a real ugly prick". I cannot understand what goes through these men's minds.

They must just be that abusive in general to everyone

OP posts:
Mufasa1118 · 01/01/2022 13:51

Oh thanks so much pucarbuille , that is such a lovely saying. :)
I hope that your year will be lovely too ❤️

I love a good fresh new year

OP posts:
AuntieDolly · 01/01/2022 13:59

Would this have been a good use of "thank you for your comments random man". What a twat. Nothing to do with you as a person - forget it.

bumblingbovine49 · 01/01/2022 13:59

Look this guy was drunk and saw a lone dale and thought he'd try it on. He got angry because you wouldn't cooperate. Life is not something you can always control and I am really sorry that he already made the end of a lovely evening difficult. However why allow him to affect several more days? This latter question is definitely in your control .

I would focus on the parts of the evening I enjoyed and think of reasons why the arsehole might have acted like he did and make up a really sad life for him in my head. Eg no-one likes him and he can't get a girlfriend, has a crap job and spends his days lonely and sad. I'd convince myself he is a loser who is unable to have meaningful relationships and I had the bad luck to cross paths with him. I'd congratulate myself on having a good life where I can enjoy myself and be happy and thank my lucky stars I am not like that man.

None of this may actually be true of course but I'd convince myself it is and then forget about him and focus on getting on with my life

Alternatively some people prefer to set a timer to allow them to think about what happened and to get upset. Then once the time has run out , do something to distract yourself and don't think about it any more , keep busy. This doesn't work as well for me but may for you

Sn0tnose · 01/01/2022 14:51

I think you just have to try and remember that it had nothing to do with you. He could have picked on any lone woman that night, and would have said the same things to any of them. The problem lays with him, not you. He’s just a drunken dickhead. He doesn’t know you or anything about you, so his opinion of you is completely irrelevant to your life. He’s a nothing. He just doesn’t matter.

Letitsnoooow · 01/01/2022 14:54

You were unlucky to come across him but it wasn’t personal. He didn’t even know you.

CagneyNYPD1 · 01/01/2022 14:57

He's a horrible man. You had a lovely night out, don't let this horrible man spoil it for you. Try looking at it this way...this horrible man does not know you. The crap he spouted was his crap. His character flaws. His aggression. It had nothing to do with you. He could easily have said those things to a brick wall. Or a door. They are his words to own. Nothing to do with you. Do not give this man and his words another thought.

5keletor · 01/01/2022 14:58

He showed himself up as a petulant man who was annoyed that you didn't fall at his feet. He would have been like that with any woman, it's nothing personal and you absolutely shouldn't let it have any bearing on your feelings (although I can see why you're upset, it's a horrible thing to happen). As all the replies here show, though, you've done nothing wrong and I think you handled the situation very calmly, it must have been scary.

TheLeadbetterLife · 01/01/2022 14:59

You bruised his pathetic, misogynist, fragile ego and he lashed out in response, in the way that pillocks like him always do. The type of man who approaches a woman like that is always an entitled, sexist arsehole. What he said had nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. He was projecting. He's a useless worm, don't let him burrow into your head.

Imagine the kind of person who does stuff like this to feel better about themselves, because they are just that insecure. It's utterly pitiful. That man will never, ever be truly happy.

ANameChangeAgain · 01/01/2022 15:12

I think you handled the situation well, it sounds like you were trying to keep the situation under control until you could escape, which you did.
Remember it wasn't you doing anything wrong, it was him.

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