AIBU to ask if you're the "organiser" then tell me your secrets!

[NewwYearNewME]

My DS's bf mother is always organising trips out, days out, surprises, celebrations and I don't know how she does it. End of term this, party for this, bowling, laser tag, ice-skating, ceramic painting, Go Ape, swimming, football masterclass, mudruns high ropes the list goes on and on and on not to mention the season celebrations - Halloween parties, Christmas party, summer BBQs, Easter trials it makes my head spin. Some of it must be booked up months in advance. Preparations made months in advance. Money - the money it must all cost is probably unbelievable.

She is the social organiser, if that's a thing, and is frequently messaging - can DS come to a sleepover, can DS go camping with them, see this show, do this - do that. AIBU to wonder how people have the time or energy to constantly book things up?

Of course we do things and go out but nowhere near the amount DS's friends mum does and I sometimes feel abit shit that we do not have the money or the time to be doing this constantly.

Is this a rich person's hobby? She does work full time so I do not know where she gets the energy from tbh.

I don't want to ask her as it's embarrassing and I although the boys are best friends I do not know her well enough - she also seems lovely - and she might think I'm being snarky or ungrateful.

AIBU to ask if you are one of these "organiser parents" how do you find the time, money or energy to be constantly on the go?

She's really lovely and kind and not pushy or horrible so it's not a problem that she likes to organise things. But I would like to know how she manages to do it? Logistically, financially, the mental strain.

Also - tell me what I need to be doing to be one of these organiser parents - I feel so inadequate sometimes and want to make the most of this year (COVID allowing).

Do you plan ahead all the time? Is that the secret?

Please excuse all my typos /mistakes!

I feel the same as you! We are all sat about here, wasting the day, asking each other what we should do! I don’t want to spend loads of money and quite frankly the house needs some attention after hosting the world and his dog for 5 days over Xmas…

Is her DS an only child? I think if you work FT, and have only 1 child (so less competing needs for attention/time/activities) then if you can afford to organise fun stuff it’s easier to do that as it makes the time off from work more structured and a lot of people really thrive off that.

There’s no shame in not being that financially able or planning as far ahead.

My best friend is like this but in her case a lot of it comes from her own childhood being pretty rubbish (alcoholic parent) so she worries a lot about giving her children the right kind of childhood & them never missing out on anything.

She’s also super organised and loves hosting.

You need to make a list of the dated.items.eg easter, Halloween, Christmas and birthdays and then infill what you want to do between the dates. So say DC birthday is June and you list the months as numbers. You have 6=birthday, 10=halloween, 12 = christmas, 4=easter so 4/6/10/12 so that really gives you 2 (feb)and 8 (august). If you plan something for those 2 months eg feb show, aug camping) theres your year planned based on bi-momthly events. Knowing what you want to do is your starting point.

If you’re a planner-type you always have ideas or something bubbling away, I’ve always been captain admin so I just see things and think ‘that’ll be good’. I have loads of ideas running at any one time and have a Filofax section devoted to things like that!

It’s anal but I enjoy it! I’m 99% happy to do it and it’s not a stress but occasionally someone will push it.

I’ve have lists of stuff for various things, walks, restaurants to try, small not detailed itineraries for stuff, all noted down, otherwise yes we spend so long talking about what to do nothing gets done.

I generally just like planning and lists!

I'm now a grandmother who does this. I like things to look forward to. I've added everything that I'm interested in on FB and set up alerts, so I book things as they are first advertised. I've booked events for the February half term and I'm planning a break with my GC in the June.
I enjoy the mental load and pick up stuff for two of my DD's. I'm like a PA to a few people.
I am constantly planning, I've already got an idea what Easter crafts I will be doing with my GC and other children who I babysit.

Ooh yes, I love my lists. I have lists for everything. I don't understand when phones make organising yourself so easy, why people forget things.

One of my friends is like this. She can feel anxious if she doesn't know what she is doing and likes to be busy. For me it's too much stuff, but she also gets to do things I miss out on, like theatre trips and Christmas light trails, that were booked up by the time I went to book (even though that was months in advance!).

My DC however thrive from knowing what we're doing on any given day so my goal for this year is to plan more, both on a daily basis and longer term.

It's not actually much work booking things (if there are tickets left!), but the cost really adds up.

I have a list for everything and plan ahead months in advance. Makes me happy

A lot of this sort of thing is anxiety driven. The need to have something planned, to feel that the child's needs and interests are being met etc. it actually takes a lot of confidence to be at ease with having no plans which is a shame because it's so good for kids to learn to entertain themselves.

So if I start by looking at the school year and terms and inset days and see what we could book for those then I guess that's a start? We are pretty easy going and i think as a family we've gone with the flow with other people (as you can see from my post). @Kshhuxnxk I'm a bit stupid - can you explain what you mean a bit more please? Do you mean you list the months as numbers then book two events in each month? Or did I read that wrong! Thanks for all the replies so far. @Maunderingdrunkenly sounds like you list what you want to do then go do it as and when? So you have a master list then you pick things off the master list?
@Mouthfulofquiz I totally hear you!

Maundering Sounds great, but does everyone else go along with it without question? Or do you find you have booked a thing for 4 people and as the day gets closer you don't have enough people to go?

I mean, sometimes DH and I can't even agree where to go for a walk. If I have a notion for a place, he'll inevitably suggest somewhere else.

There was a thread on here ages ago about how you are either a planner or a go-with-the-flow-er and it was very funny listening to how the non-planners could never spend time with the people they wanted to over the holidays as they had already planned to be out/away/with other people. I think I would like a balance if that's possible? I do think COVID has changed how I feel about these things. Part of me wants to be busy in case our freedom is restricted again and part of me feels that going out and doing things is the problem! How do you decide what to do? I always think oh, that will be weather dependent etc too.

How do you decide what to do? I always think oh, that will be weather dependent etc too.

I'm an optimist so I plan for the best case scenario and it usually works out. If it rains we put our waterproofs on

@sweetbellyhigh

A lot of this sort of thing is anxiety driven. The need to have something planned, to feel that the child's needs and interests are being met etc. it actually takes a lot of confidence to be at ease with having no plans which is a shame because it's so good for kids to learn to entertain themselves.

Planners don't necessarily have every minute booked up. Plenty of hours in the week for kids to entertain themselves.

The big caveat would be I don’t have children, just my partners teen, so I just pitch stuff to them both that I think will work. When we’re on our own, my partner is v malleable and easy going which is great, but I am decision maker so if (as on a recent city break) I hadn’t had time due to work to plan stuff it was hugely annoying being asked what we’re doing or where we’re having dinner. Made a rod for my own back there I guess!

And yup I have broad categories and then pull one out when required. In terms of booking stuff It will be my family group (and I’m basically captain admin then too, organised all via family group chat) or just my partner and me.

If you use the booked events as intermittent through the year then infill will less planned stuff (like family walk and pub lunch kind of thing). I’ve never lost money on something I can always find someone to go or sell the tickets. WhatsApp groups specific to the event always work for me.

I like to think I have good ideas so people are generally up for it, rather than me being an out of control megalomaniac

For me it’s relaxing doing all my ‘thinking’ in one batch rather than fire fighting. That’s the root of it for me.

Not so much now as our kids are teens but when younger I was similar to your friend but I worked part time, liked things to look forward to so I was always thinking ahead about days out, weekends away and holidays etc. We had two DC close in age so we rarely felt the need to invite other friends along for an expensive day out, weekend away etc but did have various friends round to the house for different things, birthdays and sleepover etc.

We did a combination of fairly low cost activities like camping, beach days, day out in Lakes with picnic combined with City Breaks, theatre visits, Escape Rooms, Theme parks etc etc etc.

For me it wasn’t hard work as it came fairly natural to me as I like to be organised and mostly know what I am doing ahead of time and like to get up and go and get set off early etc. Whereas, I used to find it more wearying without a plan and nothing booked in and spending ages discussing what to do with DH (who had little imagination) and setting off late in a mood and stressed (when couldn’t get parked, things too busy, had to rush around, didn’t have things in everyone liked for a picnic etc.)

Ahhh @Maunderingdrunkenly I see. I think it helps if you aren't exhausted from your own job, too. My job is very draining so I think finding the energy to book things and organise things is probably easier if you are just trying to get through the week.

I also do feel a stab of regret when others are going away with vouchers or tokens and we can't because we haven't saved or been organised etc so I am starting to see how planning ahead and organising would relieve stress and anxiety rather than encourage it so fair points well made @NinaProudman2022.

Also depends on the age of your DC but when ours were younger the things they most enjoyed and remembered where never the most expensive things.

For example, we once rented a caravan fairly locally Mon to Fri in school hols (between home and where DH worked) while we got the bathroom done and the following year when we were talking about which holiday abroad the kids had enjoyed the most and they both picked the holiday at the local caravan park.

Yes - no point in organising stuff unless you think they'll enjoy it and the most expensive isn't always the most memorable or enjoyable. Children are funny like that sometimes...

ooohhh I LOVE organising things to do and always have done. including all the holiday planning, picking the accommodation, booking trips out etc. I have learnt over the years what my family do and dont enjoy and also to make sure I regularly send things out to them just to check its what they want to do before booking. I like to find unusual things to do as well. have just finished the menu plan for the next 7 days and booking up 5 things to do as well as picking some walks and national trust places (my kids are older teens/twenties). I am not thick skinned though and if they dont want to do something I dont just ride roughshod over their views and ideas.

Was thinking about NT membership because that might help with what we can do ..