Is it the pregnancy hormones or do I have a point?

[jujumm]

About to give birth to my second. We have a 3 bed house - mine/DH's room, DD's room and a guest bedroom which will be the new nursery. With 12 days to go before a planned c-section, I asked DH to please finally take down the guest double bed, so we can set up at least the nursing chair and changing table in the nursery for when the baby comes home.
It happens that MIL offered to sleep at ours while we are in hospital to look after our eldest. Now there is a "question" of where she will sleep if we take down the guest bedroom to set up the nursery. I was naturally thinking she was going to sleep in my bedroom, it's just for a couple of nights. And she will go back to her own house once we are back from hospital. But apparently I am being asked to not set up the nursery because MIL is more "comfortable" (?) sleeping in the "guest" bedroom, and we should set up the nursery AFTER baby is home. Am I missing something here? Is it unreasonable to ask that she sleeps in our bedroom for 1 or 2 nights so we can have the nursery set up and ready for when we come home? DD can't go stay at MIL's house at she has school. This would never have been an issue with my mother so I am very confused. My mother is ready to step in, but we thought we would let MIL have a role as she asked to help. Am I being oversensitive about wanting the baby's room to be somewhat ready for when I get home? Maybe my nesting instinct is clouding my judgement lol!

Do you plan on using the nursery straight away?

YABU. You’ll be in bed with baby for a few days after a c section, or at least on the sofa. You won’t be sat up in a chair and standing for ages at the changing mat.

Pregnancy hormones

Won’t the baby be sleeping in your room initially?

I appreciate it would be nice to have it set up early but is it crucial?

We may have different perspectives here though because I’d totally keep a spare double bed over a nursing chair because it’s so useful to have a second bed for uninterrupted sleep so at least one parent can escape!

Gently, YABU.
I get the whole nesting thing. I do. But it doesn’t need to be set up immediately, especially when someone is staying there to do you a favour.

We never had a nursery. So imo yabu. Let mil sleep in guestroom, I so wouldn't want to sleep in my son/dil bed.

Surely you won't be using the nursery for a few months? She's doing you a massive favour and should be comfortable whilst doing it!

YANBU

You are being very unreasonable. Where will your husband sleep?

How big is the room? It can be very handy to have an extra bed available with small dc.
If not enough room, I (if it was me, which it isn't) would swap it for a day bed that could double as a sofa, and be used at night when you needed the space/dc sick etc

I would get the nursery as ready as you can, whilst still leaving the big bed in it! Definitely more useful than a nursing chair, and as others have said it gives one of you somewhere to decamp to if you need to get a block of uninterrupted sleep. Then take it down just before baby neeeds to move in to the room!

Where will your husband sleep if MIL is in your bed and guest bed is gone?

I think you’re being a little unreasonable, you don’t need those things right away. Is the baby staying in your room at first? If so will a nursing chair get used right away? Mine never did, I stayed in bed and fed sitting up under a nice warm duvet rather than going to another room to sit on a chair there.

I panicked when i realised our ds room wouldn't be ready for his birth as we struggled to get a plasterer before the birth, but as he was in with us for 2 months it didnt really matter.

I still set up the changing table in his room (changing mat on chest of drawers) and had the nursing chair in our room until ds room was ready so is that an option for you?

Baby doesn't need their own room straight away. It's easier to let MIL stat in spare room and put the change table & feeding chair elsewhere for now.
I hope all goes smoothly for you

You're never getting to use a changing table upstairs with a toddler in the house....you change wherever you have the toddler in your line of sight. Feed baby in your bedroom at night....and again, you're not getting to sit peacefully in that nursing chair....ever. Sorry OP!

I would absolutely hate for MIL to sleep in my bed in those circumstances, I'd want the privacy and comfort of my own room.

How big is the changing station? Is there no room for it in your room for a few days, or somewhere else.

Ok....not a toddler....but still....second babies are different. You use the sh*t you used first time far less because you realise its all just a faff

Also gently, you're being unreasonable. Baby will be in your room to begin with. You can sit in your bed / the sofa to feed them & you can put a change mat anywhere.

A changing table takes half hour to build if you really want it up as soon as you're home.

Relax & keep the peace. Your days old newborn doesn't need a bedroom & your MIL is helping you out.

It's pregnancy hormones x

Depending on where the new baby is going to sleep I'd be leaving it set up as a guest room until he is actually going to sleep in there.

Sorry, but you're being silly. You will in no way need the nursery to be ready, not for ages. You can change a nappy anywhere.

Thanks all, I did have a feeling I was being too hormonal! Can't help it sometimes lol! Very helpful to get your views. My husband will sleep in hospital with me, so MIL offered to stay with our daughter for those couple of nights.Our bedrooms are small unfortunately so I can't have it all!

Why do you need the nursery set up?? They baby should stay with you for 6 months 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ Tbh I would want it all fresh for when the baby moves in.

@jujumm

Thanks all, I did have a feeling I was being too hormonal! Can't help it sometimes lol! Very helpful to get your views. My husband will sleep in hospital with me, so MIL offered to stay with our daughter for those couple of nights.Our bedrooms are small unfortunately so I can't have it all!

Are you not in the UK?

Are you having the c section in a private hospital/outside of the UK? I didn't think dads were allowed to sleep over at the hospital after birth? Especially with covid restrictions at the moment. Dads weren't even allowed on the beds when I had mine. Where is your husband going to sleep in the hospital? Does he need to be staying with you all the time you're there? I'd leave the bed in the baby's room, it'll be more useful than a nursing chair and changing station. Are you really going to want to travel upstairs 10-15 times a day to feed and change the baby when you could just do it on the sofa/in bed just after major abdominal surgery?

I'm surprised at the responses, I think YANBU in the slightest. In your situation I'd just ask your mum to help out instead if she is happy with sleeping in your room for a night or 2. However if MIL does help out, we preferred to have our nursery ready before our first, but he did sleep in our room until he was 1 so it didn't need to be ready beforehand.

Also with your husband staying over in hospital - I've had one baby pre-pandemic and one during lockdown. Pre-pandemic I had to stay overnight and some of the following day and he was allowed to stay with me the entire time.
For our lockdown baby, he was only allowed to stay overnight once baby arrived and had to leave the following morning after breakfast. We were discharged a few hours later, but if you do need to stay in longer, he might need somewhere to sleep at home if restrictions are still as tight (although I know my hospital now allows dads to stay as long as they like again, so I suppose it'll vary).