To feel annoyed at children's dad!

[Wednesdayafternoon]

I think I just need to rant more then anything. I know many more will be worse off then me!

Ex walked out on me during my second pregnancy m. Whilst he's always seen our DS1 when agreed he's been a nightmare with the youngest. During the first year he put me through hell with emotional abuse. One minute demanding i stop BF and threatening to take him off me 3 nights a week, to the next radio silence. The following moment he'll be respectful and kind and show support, the next he's accusing me of not feeding him so he's unsettled with him and lying about things (absolutely ridiculous).
He's completely up and down and I'm absolutely fed up of it. One minute he's really enthusiastic, overwhelmingly so about DS1. The next he's silent. This Xmas holidays we agreed contact but it's worked out where he had his nights at the start of the holidays and I've done the big bulk of the holidays (absolutely fine with me, I'm not complaining whatsoever). He's text once though. And whilst I don't mind this, it absolutely boils my blood that he just gets to pick and chose when he's dad of the year.
He's never let me down with childcare so I feel like I shouldn't be annoyed with him. But I just wish he'd decided whether he wants to be OTT dad or not because I'm just fed up of him being up and down and I never know what to expect!!!!!!!!
Like I said... I think I'm just ranting.

He's not seen DS for a week now... I text him during the week about a certain matter but other then that nothing. He's due to collect tomorrow when I expect a wave of him being OTT again.

We have 70/30 childcare. 5/2 nights a week.

So does he not bother with your second child at all?. Abusive, manipulative, a liar and a shit dad. What a peach.

When you say he's never let you down with childcare what do you mean exactly? That you've asked him to cover for you on your 5 days so you can work or whatever? Ideally you just need a set pattern of days that you stick to for contact. Unless you are v amicable using each other for effectively babysitting isn't ideal.

He's make an effort with the second when he feels like it. He'll often text asking after the first but not the second. The second doesn't sleep over yet as he's only 1.5 years old.

What I mean by the childcare comment is that he's never said he's not having them when we've agreed and i know that lots of other mums have this issue where the dads don't show up etc.

But that doesn't just make a good dad!!! I feel like I should be great full but I'm not because frankly he's all over the shop and it annoys me!!!

Absolutely you shouldn't be grateful. Does he pay maintenance? The easiest way to do this is to open a case with cms on the basis of 5/2 split and let them contact him, set the maintenance and that gives you the opener to ask for set days

He pays maintenance but it is less than what he should be paying based on his wage. Basically when we were in the height of the emotional abuse he said that if I wanted more money he would take me to court to take them off me more days a week. I know fine well that he would do this and he would succeed because after doing lots of research and talking to solicitors dads almost always get 50-50 in a court. There is no money in the world which would make seen them any less any better so I just haven't pursued it. I have enough money to get by and I've accepted it and would rather try and keep things on an amicable level so I don't really want to bring it up again. He is very secretive about everything with me nowadays. He thinks because he's pleasant in person and sees them when we've arranged he's a good person, but he isn't. He is so up-and-down with all three of us. Like I said in a previous post he doesn't really show much interest in the younger child, I know that he will do when the time comes for him to start sleeping over at his and he's a little bit older. He just puts the effort in when he wants to. And he will become overbearingly overwhelming once again. And I just have to deal with how up-and-down he.

For the sake of the children we get on with each other, and that really is the main thing. They are both fed well healthy and happy and nothing is more important than that. I just have to learn how to manage how he makes me feel. But it just annoys me that he thinks that he is this amazing dad when actually he's just completely all over the place.

Dads don’t “almost always” get 50 50 shared care. It depends on what is best for the children not what dad wants. 50 50 can work well for some families but need excellent communication between both parents (and it sounds like that is not the case here). It also works best if there is little distance between the 2 houses to allow for same friendship groups to be maintained, interests such as clubs etc and to allow for no issue with registered doctors for example. It is very unlikely that it would be decided that it was in the best interest of a 1.5 year old when dad had never had him overnight to stay with him 50% of the time. If the “status quo” was 5/2 the court would be asking why was it in the interest of the children to change now?”