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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider withdrawing from my masters

23 replies

smallappletree · 31/12/2021 21:40

I am currently studying for a masters degree. I'm young, graduated from undergraduate degree this past year. Throughout the pandemic, but particularly at the beginning, I've experienced a lot of stress (as we all have in some way!) with losses, isolation and pressure and as a result my mental health has taken a big hit. Currently on antidepressants and in therapy.

I was excited to do my masters when I first decided to apply for it about a year ago. But now that I'm actually doing it, my heart isn't in it. I am emotionally and physically exhausted, burnt out from trying to balance getting through each day, working, studying, caring commitments and housework. The masters has taken the back seat in terms of not having enough time or energy dedicated to it. I have essays to write at the minute, and I just can't. I don't have enough energy to do them. I already have my degree so can live with not completing a masters. I chose to do it because I love learning and my subject, not because I needed it for a particular career path.

WIBU to drop out to give myself a breather? Just so, so tired and although I hate the idea of dropping out of something without completing it, I really feel like I need to prioritise myself and my mental health. I can manage my job because while I am on my feet all day, it doesn't require the same amount of emotional energy or capacity to think clearly like the masters does.

OP posts:

Didiusfalco · 31/12/2021 21:42

Could you go part-time? This is how I did mine and I think it was less intense. Also meant I worked virtually full time, so no worries about money either.

elelel · 31/12/2021 21:47

Why are you doing it?

That's a genuine question, I dropped out of my degree because I felt similar. I wasn't enjoying it, and it took much longer then it should have for me to realise it was ok to stop.

thistimelastweek · 31/12/2021 21:52

You have made a very good case for discontinuing your masters.
Give yourself permission. You don't need anyone else's.

mdh2020 · 31/12/2021 21:54

Do you have to drop out? Can you take a year off? You should speak to your tutor and student support.

hotchocandtwosmokybacon · 31/12/2021 22:04

Prioritise yourself. You can always do a masters degree later anyway. Maybe as a start, see if you can suspend it for a year and see how things go.

helterskelter3 · 31/12/2021 22:16

Can you take a break? I did that with mine as I wasn’t going to finish it with everything I had on at the time and I had constant dread of everything I needed to do for it. Any moment of peace I had was ruined with worry about the looming essay.

I got to the end of the break and thought “I might as well” and had loads more enthusiasm for it. It cost me no more to extend. Could you look into converting any existing credits to a diploma so you have something if you do decide to leave it?

That said, it doesn’t sound like it’s essential, so just do what’s best for you. Good luck.

Obsidiansphere · 31/12/2021 22:17

Can you defer for a year?

ShottaSheriff · 31/12/2021 22:22

It sounds sensible to pause if you can. I’d ask them what you can feasibly do that wouldn’t mean you lose the effort you’ve already put in and the investment you’ve made.
Masters are not cheap. There may be an option to bank any credits you’ve already earned and then restart next year?

A masters should be manageable if you’re young and have only just graduated. I did mine whilst working 60 hours a week. It was stressful but I managed it. It does sound like you’re depressed and maybe need some extra help and support.

Deedee248 · 31/12/2021 22:23

Definitely take a break. My daughter is in just the same position and has just applied to take a break from it. She has had various stresses and decided to take a six month break back in October. Her tutor has been really supportive about it. I would really recommend you do a similar thing. With any luck, things will be a bit easier six months down the line, and you can start it afresh. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

BigYellowHat · 31/12/2021 22:24

DH’s cohort had to postpone for a year due to Covid and he was so pleased. He’s just about to start again and is so much more enthusiastic. Is there any chance you could postpone?

Bralessandfree · 31/12/2021 22:24

It sounds like you know what you want to do. Have you spoken to your academic advisors? I'm doing my Masters now and I'm in my 40s...take a break if you need it, you don't need to punish yourself, you're young like you said. Take time to heal.

HoneyFlowers · 31/12/2021 22:24

Masters is not easy!!! I started one 15 years ago and totally had to give it up. I've started a different masters and struggling again, they are very intense and a lot of work. You have a lot on your plate. Maybe draw up a timetable of seeing whether you have enough time?

I failed my first masters as it was also so poorly organised that it was only possible to do if you lived on 3 hours of sleep a day.

grey12 · 31/12/2021 22:27

@Didiusfalco

Could you go part-time? This is how I did mine and I think it was less intense. Also meant I worked virtually full time, so no worries about money either.

I wouldn't advise parttime. DH did his PT and he said it was much tougher working and doing the masters than the people doing it FT

I would ask the Uni if you can take a sabbatical. You can still give up afterwards

Vapeyvapevape · 31/12/2021 22:28

There is no point in carrying on if it makes you stressed and unhappy, I would definitely defer or give up altogether. The only person who cares if you do it or not is you, so don’t make yourself miserable, there’s always another day xx

Poppiesway1 · 31/12/2021 22:30

Definitely ask to defer. It’s hard to do under normal circumstances let alone if your stressed and your not enjoying it.
I’m In the last module of mine (although I did a pgdip in 2009, I had to redo a module to be able to do the final research project to gain the Msc).
I extended the initial module earlier In the year as working 60+ hours in nhs, I’m a lone parent and just couldn’t do it all. You have to do what’s best for you at the time. And if that’s deferring, defer!

AlwaysColdHands · 31/12/2021 22:32

Suspend/ interrupt study in the first instance and then think about it
Best wishes

LessTime · 31/12/2021 22:33

Check the details of what money you can and can’t get back. What’s your housing situation? Will you be stuck paying accommodation somewhere you don’t want to live. Is your masters essential for your future career plans?

It’s ok to drop out of things. There is no need to be embarrassed about it. If you are asked about it then own the decision. It the type of thing that you might be asked about in interviews but as long as you have good answers it’s the type,of thing that can be perfectly ok.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

JennyForeigner · 31/12/2021 22:36

Defer, don't cancel. I dropped out of a masters when I got a bigger job involving 50% national travel, a friend died and I became ill and moved house all in about a week.

I deferred for a year and then dropped out properly because I just couldn't see my circumstances changing again. Two years later, I was back to being very settled and content, and realised how much I wanted that masters.

I started again this sept - another £10k, and they did try so hard to persuade me to look at open ended deferral, transfer or even course change - none of which would have cost me a penny. They couldn't have been nicer and I really regret just wanting to be done with it at the time.

ErmineAndPearls · 31/12/2021 22:43

You’re not being U at all, but you’ve come so far. I would be concerned that you’ll regret it later if you drop out altogether. As PPs have said, speak to your advisor. He or she will have seen this before. They don’t want to lose you. I did a post graduate degree between the ages of 21 and 25. I had a little part time job and tremendous support from my qualifications-mad parents. It is still the most stressful thing I’ve ever done.

littleowls83 · 31/12/2021 22:46

I'm just finishing 2 years out in the middle of my masters - I finished the taught part before the break and just have the dissertation to do. I was doing it part time and started a new job so decided to take a year out, then COVID happened so I took another year. By the time I'm done it will have taken 4 years 3 months!

I also work in a university. Can you take a lower qualification like a PG certificate if you finish now? Could you do an open ended interruption to see if your circumstances change? Find out about fees - where I work you would get some fees back but there is another deadline in early Jan which would tip you into the next band so you might need to make a decision quick.

massiveblob · 31/12/2021 23:51

I've done two post grad courses. I hated the first but decided to finish it once started. Second time was for work. Finished it but didn't enjoy. I loved the learning but not the revision and exams and essays etc

massiveblob · 31/12/2021 23:54

I'd say evaluate why you are doing it and if short term pain is worth it. Or delay it. But absolutely no need to feel guilty. You have your whole life ahead of you

TortillaTot · 01/01/2022 01:58

Defer and see how you feel in a year’s time. No loss, no regret either, as it will give you the time and the mental space to decide. Good luck and Happy 2022 xx

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