To pull out of summer holiday?

[babybrain77]

Group of school friends (known each other since primary) planning a week away next summer to celebrate big birthdays for everyone. Group is made up of:
4 couples
1 single
1 couple who will have a new baby (hopefully)
Us (couple plus 2 children under 3)
I've expressed concern right from the initial musing of the idea that it would be difficult with the mixed group. But the others are all super keen to spend some "quality time" together (completely oblivious to the fact that I won't have any quality time to spend during the days).
I'm finding it all incredibly stressful already. We had agreed to split the cost between the adults (although I offered to pay more since we'll need 2 rooms) but had been shouted down. Now when it comes to booking, there are conversations being had separately (not in our holiday group chat) about preferring to pay by room. We could afford to do so but it would screw the single over.

I've really tried to stay in touch with these friends but am finding the different life stages very difficult. I worry that it will be torture on a week away together and realistically we'll get no time together anyway.
Pulling out will cause upset, but I just don't want to go. AIBU?

YADNBU. No way in hell would I go on this holiday. Get out while you still can. You don’t have to say yes to things you don’t want to do.

As a parent of two young children, I cannot imagine a holiday with 4 childless couples and a singleton working. They’re very different holiday styles with and without children. I would be stressed trying to deal with naps and bedtimes while the child free don’t have to factor it in. I would find it tedious as the child free to deal with naps and bedtimes as part of our holiday. That’s the reality.

I think per room is generally the fairest way but that said unless you are all incredibly close it sounds like a potential disaster! I do think as a couple though you should be able to give each other a bit of quality alone time during the day here and there

Is it feasible to book individually to the same location? So the same area but your family staying in child friendly accomodation and the childfree nearby in more adult centred accomodation? That way you could meet for meals or hanging out by a pool but your naptimes won't impact them and their late night drinking won't impact your DC.
All in the same accomodation is not going to be much of a holiday for you, minding your children while watching them have your pre-dc style holiday.
My Dsis did it with one two year old, she said never again!

Are the couples all people who were at school with you? I wouldn’t take my partner on something like this, he’d hate it! Not a chance I’d take the DC too

We've done it and it was fibe. We just treated it as our own holiday and stuck with the routine we needed for our dd, and we saw our friends throughout the day and evening.

In the day, we would all be by the pool anyway, and dd woulf nap in the pushchair. Then after dinner in the evening, again she would fall asleep in the pushchair (after a few laps of the hotel) so we ould stay down and drink for a abit, then when she woke we went to bed.

2nd holiday we did whrn dd was 18 months we booked swim up rooms next to our friends so whrn kids were sleeping we could still be by the pool

Follow your gut feeling and pull out. Sounds like a nightmare and you will be left with the kids.

Could you leave DC at home and enjoy the holiday as a couple. We got married abroad with our friends and a 3 year old, it was amazing we did separate things some of the time but also spent loads of time together, we made use of the kids club then when they head out on a night we took a bottle of wine to the room

We do it. Mix of kids (5 year age range), couples, singles and a dog. It does work. It does end up with the ones with kids doing kid things while the ones without get merrily drunk in the afternoon, but not every day. It's worked well enough that we all keep going back. Follow your instinct, if you don't think the group will work, run like hell, it could be horrendous, but if you do all get on and recognise that you'll need to do different things sometimes, it can be great fun.

Could just the actual school friends go? Ie no partners or children?

Follow your gut though. If you don't think it will work pull out now. Just say you'll cramp everyone's style needing set meal times, early to bed and early up

I went away with mostly adults when my dc were young but I had the philosophy of making the dc fit in rather than pandering to them (I admit I took a 6 month old to a jazz club ) so I would not worry about that aspect as to the pricing, depends if the food is being split the same way, not fair for the single to pay double, but unless there's a single room then paying per room seems fair enough. If you don't fancy it though just pull out

Trust your gut

Sounds awful. Can you not just go with your actual friends and leave partners and kids at home?

Don't go .... sounds an absolute nightmare

You know your friends best, but it can work. You end up doing more things without the group, and you can't both go out in the evening, but that's not a bad thing.

My worst holidays weren't with childless people, but with other families - children with different sleep schedules, mine want to go swimming but theirs can't spend too long in the sun, theirs want to go to a theme park but mine don't, mine want icecream but theirs aren't allowed - that sort of thing. Like herding cats.

I think just the actual school friends should have a trip - so whether it’s you or DH with the other ones who went to your school.

I would really hate this. How can a group, in such different circumstances, find activities that everyone will enjoy?

A weekend away with just the friends without partners or children would really have been the best option.

They are my friends. The arrival of the new baby made a girls only trip impossible. I've made rumblings on the group chat about it being too hard, and it has gone down like a lead balloon.