Husband's "depression"

[GrapplingWithIt]

Just looking to hear from other people who might have an idea of what's going on or been through something similar? To clarify I do not put " round depression because I do not believe it, just because he hasn't been diagnosed by the GP yet, I do absolutely believe that something is going on.

My husband has had this issue for a while. He will be absolutely fine all week when he's in work (loves his job) but then at weekend or when he has time off like now over Christmas will spiral really badly into what presents like depression. Low mood, crying, can be snappy and just generally not very nice to be around. It's like he's another person. He can even joke about it when he's okay in the week.

This is not a LTB thread. I love him and he's willing to speak to someone (he was hesitant before) and I do genuinely believe there is something up as he is not a crier and has been in tears to me this evening about it.

Has anyone been through this? Where depression only happens some times and not others? I'm thinking (although I appreciate it's not helpful to armchair diagnose) that it could be something else? He says often that it's when his brain has got nothing to occupy it (like work), that's when it happens.

Sorry yes I'm posting for traffic but this is really affecting our life. We're calling the doctor on Monday. I'm going to go with him as he finds it hard to explain. But just looking for a bit of solidarity if anything? A discussion with people going through similar? Can it even be depression if it's start and stop like this? I just don't know what's going on or how to help.

I went through a really bad patch and was crying all the time (I'm not usually a crier!) at the weekends and mornings and evenings. I was fine at work, would feel ok then it would just hit me when sat down at night or the weekends. I felt suicidal. Made me snappy too, I just wanted to be left alone. Really that would have been the worse thing , doctor offered to sign me off work but I carried on as I knew I would just spiral even further down. I didn't start the Setraline I was prescribed because i was so scared of having a few weeks of it being worse before it got better. It did gradually lift but I'm still not right. I'm going to try the medication in the new year.

Does he drink more than usual around the times?

Posted too soon- so yes it can definitely be like that with depression. The best thing I can do for myself is keep busy and not think too much. I hope things get better for you both soon. See the doctor as soon as you can x

Meant to include link sorry www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/a/alcohol-and-mental-health

I am diagnosed with anxiety & depression and this has been my pattern over the last 6 months. The days I am in work, I am motivated and happy. My days at home are spent sleeping or doom scrolling. Tried a change in meds to no avail.

Yeah it’s definitely a case for me, that when I’m busy and don’t have time to think, I am ok. Once there is nothing to do I crash.

Yes it can, when he’s at work his mind is occupied, perhaps feels a sense of purpose but then when not there and he has free time
it allows space for him to engage with negative thoughts and feelings that can spiral/impact mood.

Its common for depression to feel patchy and not constant, it can make it harder as it feels so unpredictable and out the blue and that element of not having control over your mood can make it worse.

It’s common in men as they get older, they’re a higher risk group for depression. Glad that he’s open to help- the sooner he addresses it the better.

Look after yourself as well, it can be hard supporting a partner with depression

@TyneTeas

Does he drink more than usual around the times?

No he never drinks during these times or any other time. He's not a drinker.

It's not even like it happens when he gets home from work. So long as he's done something that day, he's fine. Even when he gets home from work later on he's okay because he's been there throughout the day if that makes sense. It's when nothing at all is going on.

Thanks so much for the replies and link x

The black dog film (or book) can be very helpful for understanding

@GrapplingWithIt

That is so me at the moment.

I've been like this for nearly 45 years, unless I'm occupied 20 hours out of 24 and have constant plans and things to look forward to I will sink into suicidal depression. I think mine is linked to ADHD, have been trying to get a diagnosis for nearly a year but obviously Covid has kiboshed that which is completely understandable. I treat myself as if I have ADHD and it is helping.

Yes that’s pretty much my pattern. I’m ok as long as I’m occupied, and I’m much better on my work days. Time off work is a danger zone for me, I can spiral down pretty quickly. The Christmas holidays have been very hard.

Sounds like depression. My DH suffered from it for some time, although it presented very suddenly in his case. Weekends were just awful - he was like his old self Mon-Fri, busy and engaged with work but weekends were unbearable and I would be walking on eggshells around him. Even when we went out with friends he would be joking and the life and soul, but when we got home he would weep and say how much he hated the evening and how our friends just pitied him (not true). Meds helped a lot. But the damage to our marriage took longer to heal. It’s a really tough time for both of you, but it can be solved. I wish you luck.