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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to abandon potty training after 6 hours?

62 replies

SomebodysMum · 31/12/2021 15:19

She’s just turned 3.

We started this morning, she totally gets the concept but 0 success, many many wet pants and a couple of poops on the kitchen floor. I wasn’t expecting any successes so far but it’s just the frequency of wees that make me think maybe her bladder just isn’t physically ready. 16 or thereabouts so far.

We did have a dry 45 minutes as she hasn’t drunk much for a while but then she had a drink and less than 10 minutes later there was another wee. Is it supposed to go through that quickly?!

She was a late walker, still can’t jump. Has done other stuff like problem solving way way ahead of milestones but I’m wondering if maybe this is just another physical milestone she just is a bit later than others for.

So AIBU-

Yes - 16 wees in 6 hours is normal for the first day, keep at it

No - she might be physically not ready, try again in a month or so.

OP posts:
Ohshittt · 31/12/2021 15:47

We're attempting potty training with a just turned 3 year old here as well. Have him naked below the waist and potty out in the living room for him. If we're upstairs he has steps up to the toilet he uses. I definitely think you need to start with naked on the bottom half and just don't go anywhere for a few days. I did put underpants on on the first day and I think it felt too much like a nappy so he had a wee while wearing them! Hoping to do this a couple of days before moving onto him wearing underpants and learning to pull them down. It will be a slow process I reckon but if she's not ready there's no harm in her staying in nappies a few more months, surely that's better than her having accidents all the time? Don't worry about what society says about potty training ages, she's still little and if she's not quite ready then that's fine! She will get thete, don't worry!

supersonicginandtonic · 31/12/2021 15:50

I've just potty trained my 2.5 year old. She was like your dd the first few days, then the gaps began getting longer, she then started asking. It's taken about 4 weeks now and we're rarely having accidents.

Original poster
SomebodysMum · 31/12/2021 15:51

@Ohshittt

Thanks! Did you have a similar amount/frequency of accidents on day 1?

OP posts:
MajesticallyAwkward · 31/12/2021 15:53

@SomebodysMum my eldest potty trained herself so I have no idea how to start with ds. DD just announced one day about 2y 7/8m that she was a big girl and no more nappies and that was that, out of pull ups a month or so after. DS (2y 2m) keeps telling us when he's going to go, and has the other signs but has such a deep hatred of the potty.

I've left one out just in case he decides to try (perfectly happy to take his nappy off anytime) but not pressuring either of us to crack it yet.... how I long to see the back of nappies though!

I do know plenty of others who potty trained earlier or later and all of the dc eventually got it. I think the latest was 4.5.

Just follow your DDs lead, maybe try rewarding successful potty wees/poos? A chocolate coin, sticker, lots of OTT praise.

BlairWaldorfLovesShopping · 31/12/2021 15:54

Read this and chill:
visiblechild.com/2015/09/20/toilet-training-in-one-simple-step/

My DS is 3y4m and we’d not really been trying yet as we know (and nursery know) he just hasn’t been ready. (He was also a late walker.) We've talked to him about it a lot, but decided it wasn’t worth rushing as I’m due DS2 any day and we thought he might regress once baby is here.

On Christmas Day he asked to use the toilet (!) (we’ve got the ikea seat insert) and since then he has been doing most of his daytime wees on the loo Smile and one poo which we think was a fluke. We’re still not putting pressure, and keeping him in nappies in between in case of poos, but he is getting there by himself. And we’re not having to clean up any mess (I can’t even reach the floor right now). He is doing all of the work and it feels like that’s how it should be if I’m honest 🤣

He does have a potty training book with stickers in that he likes too.

stuntbubbles · 31/12/2021 15:56

And this is exactly why these pull ups and disposable nappies simply delay potty training.
Hmm DD was in pull-ups early as they best fit her shape; potty-trained herself in a day at 2.

OP, is she in nursery or other childcare ever? I think for DD, though we’d had the potties and potty books around at home for a while, it was seeing the big girls use potties and the loo at nursery that inspired her to want to wee and poo like them.

Cornishbelle · 31/12/2021 15:56

@SomebodysMum I worried so much with this and felt that as she was 3 she should get it. Looking back she was not ready, we persevered for a few weeks on the second (failed) attempt so she was well aware of no nappy etc and the accidents started to upset her. Then at 3yrs 4 months she decided she was ready and that was it. So I firmly believe that in a NT child they will let you know when it's time. I feel for you OP but hang in there and try to let it happen naturally of you can. Fwiw we used pull ups too and it did not cause problems for us, many a tale of older generations "training" but then telling tales of soaking wet shoes due to accidents and so much washing. I think personally it's good we have the choice to wait until the child is fully ready.

JudesBiggestFan · 31/12/2021 15:56

Give it another couple of months. Tried my elder two boys at 2.5 and similar happened. Tried them both a few days before they were 3...a couple of accidents hours apart on the first day for each, sorted by day 2. With ds 3 tried him just before he was three, thought he'd get it straight away...loads of accidents, increasing distress. Gave up after two days...tried again at three years 3 months, got it completely, dry day and night within three days. Never had to carry a potty around, all could travel hours in the car with no problem once they cracked it. They've never had a an accident in public or at school. A little bit of patience solves most parenting problems I find!

Soubriquet · 31/12/2021 15:56

Just wait until summer and let her go around naked. Leave a potty close by and have the mop ready.

I did this with dd and she was dry in 3 days. She was 3.4 years

Ds was a bit more difficult. He was older if I remember correctly. More like 3.6/3.8 but he got there eventually

Woodlandwater · 31/12/2021 15:57

Send her to nursery for a few weeks Grin

pantsandpringles · 31/12/2021 16:02

Leave it for a month or so then try again. My 2yr 11 month old is showing interest but has zero desire to be out of nappies yet. I'm just going to wait until she's ready, while continuing to discuss using the big toilet. I know she'll let me know when she is ready.

Normski67 · 31/12/2021 16:03

You need to give it more time - 6 hours is virtually no time at all.
Yes it’s messy, annoying and you have to clean up but you need to give it a decent go at least. I do think in some respects it’s easier to start it early as some children become more resistant if you leave them and prefer nappies.

Yulelogsyum · 31/12/2021 16:07

I potty trained dd so she was dry during the day at about 20 months…she was also late to walk…I think by 3 your dd should be ready but they are all different.

In the couple of months leading up to potty training I kept potty in bathroom so dd could see it
and I explained what it was and encouraged her to use it around bedtime / bath time.

Once I’d got her to do the odd wee / poo in it a few times at bedtime I went cold turkey with nappies. Covered sofa in bin bags and dressed her fully but with normal pants instead of pull ups / nappies. I think it’s important to keep them dressed as it teaches them that they will mess up their clothes and constantly need changing if they don’t use the potty and helps create that association.

I gave her a choc button when she used it and reminded her frequently.

So on day 1 we had a lot of accidents and clothes changes….by day 3 the whole thing had completely clicked and she was totally dry in the day. For long car journeys i still put her in pull ups but found this didn’t confuse her.

shouldistop · 31/12/2021 16:09

Put her on the potty every 20 minutes and give huge praise and a chocolate button for any wee in it.

simonisnotme · 31/12/2021 16:14

every child is different
6 hours is a short time but so many wees in that time shows shes not ready, have another bash in a month or so
'poo goes to poo land' book ive heard is good
at the end of the day are you training her or you

NeverDropYourMooncup · 31/12/2021 16:19

@maddiemookins16mum

And this is exactly why these pull ups and disposable nappies simply delay potty training. It was very unusual for 3 year olds not to be toilet trained 35 years ago (I know this as I nannied throughout 1984-1990 and looked after 6 different little girls all under 4). But this is MN, it’s normal for wains to be in nappies until 4.
Not true. I had one in terries and one in disposables (pull ups fitted her better, so she was in those from very early on - in a tiny flat with no area for drying the things, so the terries had been passed on to somebody else). Both became clean and dry of their own accord, day and night at almost exactly the same ages (two and three quarters and three respectively) - which was also almost exactly the same age as the five of us had some 25-40 years earlier.

Naturally, if you asked the exMIL when hers were clean and dry, she claimed 8 months I was mildly surprised that her son hadn't come out of the womb shouting No Nappy, to be honest , but I know damn well that her version of 'clean and dry' was 'almost permanently soaked in urine day and night for years' and dismissed as 'just accidents'.

If they are physically able, they do it naturally - and if they aren't ready, they won't.

Ilovechocolatetoomuch · 31/12/2021 16:24

I did my Ds last year when he was 2year 8 months. He showed zero sign of readiness and neither did his older brother both had awful first few days and dry within a week.
No pants or trousers on first couple of days and stay near the potty, as soon as she starts pop her on it even if you miss it all then give a sticker if any goes in. They soon get the idea. I would say 6 hours is too short too give up although I know it's tough.

HappyMeal564 · 31/12/2021 16:27

I did pants, frequent potty/toilet trips and bribing with marshmallows. Two weeks later and 1000000000 loads of wet pants and trousers through the washing machine and we'd cracked it. I'd say stick at it, don't bother with pull ups and it will happen, good luck!

3mealsaday · 31/12/2021 16:29

Mine did it at 3.4. Very few accidents after that. But we had the potty out from around 3 and gave a choice of nappy or (very exciting character) pants for a couple of months before. He just gradually transitioned himself - first, pants in the house, then at nursery, then at our local park as he gained confidence, then places where we could be sure where the loo was and finally long drives and unfamiliar days out. It has been very non-stressful. Still wears a pull up at night but that's it.

If you want to continue but limit the mess, could you try putting pants on and then a nappy over them?

TheGoogleMum · 31/12/2021 16:40

We're similar. DD didn't walk until 21 months I think in the end and still can't jump as a little over 3. We have a potty that she sometimes sits on but doesn't really understand and never actually uses it. We tried once to see if what would happen if we tried pants bit it was a total failure. I am currently thinking maybe try again in the summer when it'll be warm enough to try the no bottoms method unless she seems ready sooner

Kitkatchunkyplease · 31/12/2021 16:46

Don't give up. My dd was like this day one. I basically followed this and made a huge fuss about still being 'clean and dry' and not just about sitting on the potty going a pee. She cracked it quickly at 2.5 and was straight into knickers and we didn't look back. www.somuchhope.com/parenting/potty-training

BreasticlesNotTesticles · 31/12/2021 16:51

At aged 3 I'd forget the potty and use the toilet - otherwise you've got another stage to get her over.

I'd also try again in a couple of weeks, buy new pants and big it up a bit about how exciting it'll be to wear pretty pants.

But my third refused to use the loo at all until I stopped the use of tech and she learnt instantly! So maybe ignore me 🤣

LittleBearPad · 31/12/2021 16:58

It’s a pain in the ass which I dealt with through bribery (chocolate coins as after Christmas and haribo) and sitting them on the potty every single time it was possible they might need a wee - including to watch TV. Huge amounts of praise whenever they successfully went in the potty.

MrsJBaptiste · 31/12/2021 16:58

I tried DS1 at 2yrs 3months and we got through 4 pairs of trousers and 6 pairs of pants in a few hours. I abandoned it and tried when he was 2.5 and he cracked it straight away 👍

We never used a potty though, just the toilet which made things 100 times easier.

Roomarmoset · 31/12/2021 17:09

I'll join you - we're on day 4. DD turned 3 in December and I felt we'd left it late. Let's just say I've had a gin every night for the last few nights 🙈

I was warned it would be tough, we're persevering x