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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to prefer my own company more than ever in my 50s

49 replies

whatisforteamum · 31/12/2021 13:36

I don't know why but I'm increasingly preferring my own company now that I am older and menopausal.
Admittedly I've just worked a ridiculous amount of hours over December but even before that people are getting on my nerves.
My tolerance for bullshit has gone and much as I'm more than happy to chat away at work and positively engage with colleagues I love my alone time with music and baking.
No one I really know adds any thing to my life they just drain me with their pointless rants.
Surely I can't be the only crazy cat lady.😂

OP posts:

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 31/12/2021 21:45

Janis Joplin I hope you find some like minded people in 2022.😊

OP posts:

JanisMoplin · 01/01/2022 09:11

And I hope you find solitude and peace, OP:)

Headwhirling · 01/01/2022 09:33

@Whattochoosenow

I’m with you OP. I’ve realised I’m actually an introvert.I’m mot particularly shy or quiet but I find groups of people exhausting and need time to myself to recharge my batteries.

Yes this describes me I think. Lockdown made me realise that I don’t need lots of people and constant socialising.

I’ve got my partner and our families and one or two friends that I stay in touch with but that’s it.
Previously I surrounded myself with people as much as I could.

Moonface123 · 01/01/2022 09:44

Yes, exactly the same.
Nothing wrong in enjoying your own company.
Its a wonderful time your 50' s because you give yourself permission to live how you want to live.

thereisonlyoneofme · 01/01/2022 10:36

Ive been constantly bombarded with invites over Christmas from well meaning friends who think Im going to be sitting sadly at home alone. I LOVE being alove, except for dog. The thought of a party fills me with horror. I was an only child so quite used to being alone.

thereisonlyoneofme · 01/01/2022 10:37

that should be alone, not alove !

Someonemustknowtheanswer · 01/01/2022 10:55

I've always been like this. Cannot relate to extroverts at all. Can't imagine ever living with anyone either, it would be my personal hell.

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 02/01/2022 11:09

Yes living with others can be comforting and annoying in equal measures someonemustknowtheanswers.🤣

OP posts:

Malariahilaria · 02/01/2022 12:15

Given enough money I would have 3 houses in a compound. One family home, one for me and one for DH to trash. Then I would fill my little house with nice things and cats. The children could come and visits but never eat there. I could then pop to my zen den and play classical music and read books every now and again.

SirChenjins · 02/01/2022 12:25

I would do the same - although maybe not in a compound. I’d like a lovely old little cottage in the country with room to grow veg and fruit and for my dog to run around. DH and the DC can live next to each other in their respective chaos, and I will pop in and see them when I can be bothered.

vastgrandupgrade · 02/01/2022 12:27

Most people are really annoying

Hbh17 · 02/01/2022 12:30

The great joy of being over 50 is that we no longer have to pretend and can be honest about the fact that we are anti-social and proud of it. Solitude rules!

SirChenjins · 02/01/2022 12:36

Sadly I have to go to work, lead a team and pretend to be enthusiastic for the latest stupid idea my boss has thought up. The urge to tell her to fuck off and to tell my team that I really don’t care what they do is growing stronger by the day - I’m going to be in front of HR one of these days.

cortex10 · 02/01/2022 12:53

I have always loved my own company. DH and I were recently talking about retirement. His plans were full of doing his hobbies with others, travel and socialising with other retired friends. My ideal will be spending time alone pottering around the house and garden, listening to audiobooks and walking. No more full on days of Teams calls - although that beats having to be in the office all day. And COVID has already given me an excuse to stop hugging and to duck out of socialising.

thepeopleversuswork · 02/01/2022 12:54

Totally. One of the best things about being older is learning to really love being on your own.

I also used to be very extrovert and struggled with being on my own. Nowadays I crave it. I have a small group of people who I love seeing in limited doses but I am always relieved to be able to get away from them.

I’m also increasingly relieved that I am no longer in a nuclear family setup. I found living with a man so draining and stifling. My life has improved so much by not cohabiting.

CaliforniaDrumming · 02/01/2022 12:55

DH and I are planning to down size and set up two separate homes in our retirement. WFH in lockdown has taught us we will not get along if we are both at home all day.

OhamIreally · 02/01/2022 12:58

@SirChenjins

Oh god so much this

thepeopleversuswork · 02/01/2022 13:16

@CaliforniaDrumming

DH and I are planning to down size and set up two separate homes in our retirement. WFH in lockdown has taught us we will not get along if we are both at home all day.

This is exactly what I'm looking at doing: I don't live with my boyfriend and don't want to.

Looking at buying a bigger house near where I currently live -- I like the area and my DD needs to be here for school but we need more space. I'm thinking of renting my current flat out to my boyfriend and upsizing around the corner.

This is the ideal setup for us: I want to be near him without a hassle and for him to be able to stay over when it suits me but not to have to deal with his football habits and for me to have my own space uncluttered by man shit.

Tolkienista · 06/08/2022 23:17

I've just come across this post and subsequent replies and having read each one I'm saying yes that's me to many of them. I really do love people and interacting with them too at work, socially and in my family, but I equally love my own company and doing my own thing. Lockdown made me realise how much I enjoyed being away from the constant "We must meet up" from colleagues and not close friends which drives me mad........I have one ex colleague who constantly messages me and constantly wants to meet up too, there's honestly nothing more to say to him in person than he's said in a text. It's pretty frustrating.

Anyway it's good to see it's not just me, I'm among like minded people here.

toffeechai · 06/08/2022 23:24

You’ve all made me feel so much better about my hermit tendencies!

DH works away a lot and I do make some plans with friends and family but I spend a lot of time
on my own and I worry that I’m weird.

toffeechai · 06/08/2022 23:25

(I’m 41)

Mary46 · 07/08/2022 10:01

Yes enjoy doing my own thing too. 48. Either nobody in touch these days or vague yeh we must meet up. Always chasing people. I gave up.

Tolkienista · 07/08/2022 11:44

I've had the most relaxing morning on my own. Meeting up with family around 1.30 back here around 6 then an evening catching up with things I've recorded on TV and general jobs. Feeling totally de-stressed.

Tolkienista · 07/08/2022 11:49

Ps .........my ex colleague who is in constant touch by text, "we must meet up, do you fancy a coffe in town" etc etc etc should realise by now that its always him asking for the meet ups, not me. Anyway I know it's going a bit off track from the OP but it's just another example of people not getting others needs for living their life how they want to.

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