5 year old scared to be alone in a room

[AliveAndSleeping]

Posting here for traffic.

DD has recently she has stopped being able to be in a room on her own for even a short length of time, eg she wants someone to accompany her to the toilet or when she goes to another room to get something. In the night every time she wakes us she calls one of us and we need to stay in her room till she falls asleep again (sometimes she is awake for hours but that's maybe another thread...). She's also never been able to fall asleep on her own. One of us needs to stay with her till she falls asleep.

When we ask her she just says she is scared. Sometimes she tells us what she is scared of (usually a kid's TV show or book character) and sometimes she isn't sure. I wouldn't say that she watches anything age inappropriate. Even shows like paw patrol usually have something to scare her. The villain in the play her school took her class to really freaked her out for a month or so.

We have recently had a baby and she has changed school this year but I'm not sure if this fear of being alone doesn't pre date these events. She has always been a bit on the timid side in everything.

We try not to make a big deal of it and usually just accompany her (or sometimes when I'm feeding the baby in one room I keep calling out to her if she quickly wants to get something from another room, which she finds reassuring). We have told her that it's ok to be scared and try to explain to her that her fear is unfounded but it doesn't really make s difference.

Is this normal at this age? She is fine in every other way and is a happy cheerful little girl. Maybe white sensitive and s bit intense. Is this just a phase that she will grow out of or is there anything we can do to help her?

[quote rrhuth]@AliveAndSleeping

What have you read to help you with this problem? I was trying to help by pointing out that what you are doing is not in line with psychologist advice on how to help kids when they are scared.

You have to stop being too rational and start looking at this problem as a five year old would, really.

There is loads of info out there - but the main thing is to accept that the fear is real and whatever is scary is also real, to them.

So if a kid said to me they are scared of a monster, I would say - that's OK, because if the monster came, you would shout me and I would come and scare it away. I would accept the possibility of a monster. At age five you can't ask a child to not believe in monsters.

Your child has had a lot of change and has lost their security of being the only/youngest child in your house. They just want you to be there to scare the bad stuff away I would imagine.[/quote]
I don't labour on it but eg yesterday I said that as a kid I was scared of zombies in the dark as well and now that I'm older I am not because I know now that there are no zombies or when she got scared of blue whales after reading about them in a book I explained that they only live in deep oceans and she won't encounter one here.

I like your example with the monster. I think you are right that it's mainly about letting her know that I'm there to deal with whatever scares her. Thanks for explaining that!!

@BlueShirtGuy

Get a night light that isn't too bright. Or move the one she has to the other end of her room.

I would try to cut down on accompanying her to other rooms in your own house. I'd say 'after you have been to the toilet and washed your hands we will go and refill the bird feeder/get out the play doh'

There were plenty of innocuous programmes my dd couldn't manage to watch. It was the moral peril she hated. Like when Bing goes in the back room in the shop. She ran out of the room. We had to stick to older tv programmes or more non-fiction stuff.

Yes I try to encourage her to stuff herself and I've noticed that in the morning she's actually ok with s bit of encouragement. It's quite stark in the evening. We keep the lights on so I'm not sure why. Could tiredness play a role?

When she was younger I used to let her watch only strictly age appropriate stuff like in the night garden or psppa pig. A lot of my friends' sons used to watch marvel movies, Star wars, etc from early on so I wonder if maybe they've kind of just grown thicker skin to it and I've over protected her? They all co sleep though so maybe that's why it's not so much of an issue. I'm not sure

Thanks so much everyone for your inputs, advice Bd sharing your experiences. It's good to know that this is fairly normal. Hopefully she'll grow out of it.

The main problem really is in the night (but maybe that's another thread). We really need to find a solution for that because 1. She isn't getting enough sleep with all the disruptions and 2. We are absolutely shattered with two kids who keep waking up in the night. Funnily enough the baby sleeps almost better than her and after feeding happily goes back to bed again ..

yesterday I said that as a kid I was scared of zombies in the dark as well and now that I'm older I am not because I know now that there are no zombies

I would go with something like 'when I was little I was scared of X, but I knew my mum would come if I needed anything, just like I would do for you' as she is too young for 'there are no x'.

@Riverlee

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Maybe get this book, or something similar?

Thanks. Hsbe you tried this book? It looks good but I wonder if it will put more ideas in her head?.I'll give it a shot I think. Does it have scary (even slightly creepy) illustrations?

Any other book recommendations would be much recommended as well.

@rrhuth

yesterday I said that as a kid I was scared of zombies in the dark as well and now that I'm older I am not because I know now that there are no zombies

I would go with something like 'when I was little I was scared of X, but I knew my mum would come if I needed anything, just like I would do for you' as she is too young for 'there are no x'.

I'll try that. Thanks.

I Don't it's too unusual. I remember some of the kids programs on TV used to really scare me aged about 6/7 ish

Hi OP, in terms of books, this book by Cathy Cresswell is one of the core texts recommended for parents of children with anxiety in CAMHS- it’s a parent-led CBT approach and works well but you need to really do the exercises chapter by chapter rather than just read it, if you see what I mean. www.amazon.co.uk/Helping-Your-Child-Fears-Worries-ebook/dp/B06XGJ17SL/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=2TJEHYU2SP4ES&keywords=helping+your+child+with+fears+and+worries&sprefix=helping+your%2Caps%2C57&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1640960287&sr=8-1

I also liked the book ‘what to do if you dread your bed’ for my DS. Good luck!

@shivermetimbers77

Hi OP, in terms of books, this book by Cathy Cresswell is one of the core texts recommended for parents of children with anxiety in CAMHS- it’s a parent-led CBT approach and works well but you need to really do the exercises chapter by chapter rather than just read it, if you see what I mean. ]]

I also liked the book ‘what to do if you dread your bed’ for my DS. Good luck!

Thanks. I've bought the book.