I don't recognise myself in the mirror

[Womaninthemirror2]

Hi. I've name-changed.

As the title suggests, I don't recognise myself in the mirror, never have been able to.

As a child, I often used to look in the mirror and wonder who that person was looking back at me. Obviously, I know it's me, but I don't recognise the person looking back, does that make sense

For some context, I had a lot of trauma as a very young child, in the form of bullying/physical assault, at the hands of older school kids, on the school bus. At one point, they tried to set fire to me.

There were also other things going on at home, but that's a whole other thread!

Having spoken to friends etc, they think that perhaps I have disassociated from the trauma to protect myself, hence not being able to recognise. That is just their theory, though.

I have had counselling which has really helped, emotionally.

I often feel that life doesn't seem real. In fact, I've always felt that it hasn't seemed real and that I am on the outside looking in.

I'm not necessarily troubled by it, but the more I think about it, the more troubling it becomes.

I just wondered if anyone else has had experience of this?

I can definitely recognize not feeling life is real, and feeling I'm looking on. I spent a lot of time in teens thinking it was a dream and I'd wake up... Never said that to anyone and no idea why. If you're more troubled than you were is more counselling an option? Can't think of anything else, sorry

Hi OP. Look up Depersonalisation Disorder. It happens to me sometimes when I get anxiety episodes. It's hard to explain it isn't it? But I do know what you mean. It doesn't bother me as it doesn't happen frequently and I know it's nothing to worry about. I usually avoid googling conditions as they can make you worry more but if you take a look, you'll find it's actually quite common.

saoirse31

Yes, I think I will opt for more counselling in the New Year. The more I think about it, the more bizarre it seems (to me).

spent a lot of time in teens thinking it was a dream and I'd wake up..

Yes, I can relate to that. Almost as if I am floating.

I get various forms of disassociation a lot. It's a protection mechanism more than anything. I try not to think about it too much because then I spiral into worrying about what and who is real and who isn't. I have been known to email my psychiatrist to ask him to confirm that he's real and that various other people in my life are real too. So most of the time, I just ignore it and it goes away.

Livebythecoast, yes, I had heard of this but got frightened as that condition then led me to another, and down the rabbit hole, I went!

It's interesting that you have had this, sporadically, when experiencing anxious episodes. I think the thing with me is that I have never recognised, and I think it's the never (as far as I can recall) that frightens me.

I wonder whether that recognition may come with more counselling 😊

I get various forms of disassociation a lot. It's a protection mechanism

I did wonder whether it may have happened due to the trauma.

I think it's great that you don't worry about it. In all fairness, I haven't for a while, until..

It's really reassuring to know that I'm not alone 😊

I often feel that life doesn't seem real. In fact, I've always felt that it hasn't seemed real and that I am on the outside looking in

I have ongoing trauma (started after instigation of traumatic event four years ago) and I get repeated bouts of something similar to this. Its like I am separate from the rest of the world and the rest of people, and I can remember that I used to be part of them but there is no way for me to get back to them now. I hate it.
I also can't get emotional reactions to things, like beautiful sunlight. I can theoretically see it is beautiful but I can't experience it.

Do you have any issues recognising people in general? Is it just when you see you face in a mirror?

There is a medical condition called prosopagnosia which is face blindness
www.nhs.uk/conditions/face-blindness/

www.theguardian.com/education/2011/jun/20/face-blindness-research

Some people don’t recognise faces even their own.

@Womaninthemirror2

Livebythecoast, yes, I had heard of this but got frightened as that condition then led me to another, and down the rabbit hole, I went!

It's interesting that you have had this, sporadically, when experiencing anxious episodes. I think the thing with me is that I have never recognised, and I think it's the never (as far as I can recall) that frightens me.

I wonder whether that recognition may come with more counselling 😊

Ah yes, that is the danger with googling too much! Like you say, at least you know you're not alone but hopefully, with more therapy, you'll get some more support and guidance. Good luck x

I have ongoing trauma (started after instigation of traumatic event four years ago) and I get repeated bouts of something similar to this. Its like I am separate from the rest of the world and the rest of people, and I can remember that I used to be part of them but there is no way for me to get back to them now

Yes! I feel like I am can't quite reach reality.

That is sad that you feel that there is no way back, but I completely get it.

Do you have any issues recognising people in general? Is it just when you see you face in a mirror?

Just in the mirror, although I have no sense of direction but something else I've recently noticed is that, when I'm driving, the journey to the place looks completely different from the place. I've been working in the same place for six years, on my way back from work, I cannot recognise that this is the way I came to work..although I know it must be as that's the way I go!

Bizarre!

Ah yes, that is the danger with googling too much! Like you say, at least you know you're not alone but hopefully, with more therapy, you'll get some more support and guidance. Good luck x

Thank you so much

I'm mildly bipolar, and I tend to avoid mirrors. If I'm feeling depressive, especially late at night, they really freak me out because the reflection seems like another person. I don't like Zoom either as I get hypnotised watching myself and it makes me too self-conscious. So mirrors are weird for me too.

Can you recognise yourself in photographs OP?

Can you recognise yourself in photographs OP?

No, sadly.

I'm mildly bipolar, and I tend to avoid mirrors. If I'm feeling depressive, especially late at night, they really freak me out because the reflection seems like another person

That's interesting. Do you think it's related to your mild bipolar?

@Womaninthemirror2 Yes, otherwise I wouldn't have mentioned it! If a bit depressive, my reflection freaks me out, and if I'm a bit manic I tend to start preening a bit. Not good.

I've had this exact feeling a number of times when I was younger. It was very odd. It wasn't a permanent thing though just sporadic and I haven't had it in years.

@Womaninthemirror2 Yes, otherwise I wouldn't have mentioned it! If a bit depressive, my reflection freaks me out, and if I'm a bit manic I tend to start preening a bit. Not good.

Ah, okay. I totally get the freaked out bit but that's only if I overthink it, or keep looking!

*There is a medical condition called prosopagnosia which is face blindness
www.nhs.uk/conditions/face-blindness/

www.theguardian.com/education/2011/jun/20/face-blindness-research

Some people don’t recognise faces even their own.*

I've heard of this before but, by memory, I remember thinking it's not what I have. But I'll read up on it again 😊

This is from the NHS link above
"Others may not even recognise their own face in the mirror or in photos.

Prosopagnosia can affect a person's ability to recognise objects, such as places or cars.

Many people also have difficulty navigating. This can involve an inability to process angles or distance, or problems remembering places and landmarks."

It could also explain your sense of direction and not recognising places

ChazsBrilliantAttitude thanks.

I have always felt disorientated...perhaps s there's a link.