To not want to adult anymore

[ivehadtonamechangeforthisone]

Current situation - Im 46. 2 DC. 1 H. Work full time. I have DC/house/Work plus mental and home admin/days out and any family socials/events all falling on my shoulders. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to adult.

It's 1995. I still live at home. Im having the time of my life in first job and earning own money.i buy my first car. Its a shit heap compared to my current car, but I valued it a lot more then I do my current one. I'm dating an older guy who gets me into all the 21 years and over bars/clubs. It's exciting. He's exciting to me. I feel a million dollars. We have spontaneous days/eves out. I only have to think about me. There is no mental load for me to think about. There aren't 3 other people (DC & DH) looking to me to organise every weekend for us all. I long for 1995 again so much. The way I felt. I've never felt that way since. I'm stuck in 1995. I still listen to music from that era. It's my fav playlist
Sometimes I can even recall smells from that era. I can recall so much detail. Even what I wore, pubs we went to, things we spoke about. Its feels like yesterday in my memory. I was young, pretty and the weight I now long to be. I never appreciated any of those qualities about me, then. I never made the most of them. I yearn for those qualities now. Everything was so easy and simple back then. I worked much longer hours then and for £40k less than I get now. But I had more money then to spare, than I do now. I had a much better time. I enjoyed work. No responsibility, just turn up, do job then go home. No managerial stuff like I have to do now.

I don't know what I'm looking to find. I just know I yearn for those days/times again. Young, free, no responsibilities and freedom to do what I want. Even though in my current set up I have freedom to go anywhere I want (within reason!). I go abroad with friends once a year, I go out a lot. But still ...

Is something (someone?) missing ? Is this just boredom of the same daily routine called life ?

I get you. But you can't go back to that time and place cause you were young and child free back then. If you were still living that life today you would be one out of place saddo trying to keep up with the youth
I had a friend who was party girl through our 20s, never settled, didn't have kids or bother with career. All very well but we are late 40s now and the people to party with gets less and you just look out of place sadly.
I don't know what the answer is but I wish I was living my 90s youth again.

I hear you and would like to be back with you!

Dancing on a podium, bottle of Hooch in hand to Baby D, singing ‘Let Me Be Your Fantasy’. Kebab or dodgy burger from the van on the way home, chatting on the sofa with a spliff before hitting the hay as the birds started singing and the sun came up. Happy days.

freedom to go anywhere I want (within reason!). I go abroad with friends once a year, I go out a lot. But still ...

I would love to do even this! Stuck in middle of nowhere with two kids and a Dh who seems to have turned into a total bore. Sigh!

I completely identify with you, even to the year!

I was fairly carefree (I had a young DSS at the time, now an older DSS with kids of his own). But I had fewer of the material things and, I really do believe, fewer responsibilities.

I don't know if it's maybe just longing for a time gone by? But, yes, I do sometimes look at what I have materially and career-wise wondering if it wasn't better back then.

@xxlostxx & @Totallydefeated - yes, yes yes ! To go back to 90s youth again. I remember it like yesterday. Nothing seems to compare these days. I go out with friends but its just not the same. I remember bunking off school one day and going to the pub for the afternoon. I could have a sickie off work and sit in a pub all day now, but it's just not the same. I don't actually much like the youth of today and would def feel out of place partying with them.
I have a friend who never married or had kids or even a partner (that I know of). I long for her single life. To literally come and go as she pleases in her own flat.

I'm 42, never wanted kids.

Met a really nice guy when I was 23, he didn't want kids either.

We're still together nearly 20 years on, love our lives, both professionals on 6-figure salaries, have a nice house in the country, nice friends, nice family. Hobbies we enjoy, lots of pets etc.

TBH, the takeaway from this is 'don't have kids', which is kind of ironic, given that this is Mumsnet.

I hear ya sista.
I'll go back to the '90s with you. I'll be wearing my button up adidas bottoms, an orange boob tube top and platform trainers.
Orange makeup and white eyeshadow.
Nothing blended. No eyebrows. And a £1.50 packet of 10 embassy regal filter.

I can totally relate!

@AffIt

I'm 42, never wanted kids.

Met a really nice guy when I was 23, he didn't want kids either.

We're still together nearly 20 years on, love our lives, both professionals on 6-figure salaries, have a nice house in the country, nice friends, nice family. Hobbies we enjoy, lots of pets etc.

TBH, the takeaway from this is 'don't have kids', which is kind of ironic, given that this is Mumsnet.

Smug, much?

I think we all yearn for the past

Maybe in 20 years you'll do the same on these days, when your kids have flown the coop.

Try to live in the moment and be happy you have fond memories to look back on.

@mycatisannoying No, just secure in my choices.

I do have three cats and they can be quite annoying, though: life is never perfect.

Is this just boredom of the same daily routine called life?

Um, yep, OP. For most of us with partners and children, the mid 40s are a real slog. They just are, so if you can and listening to '90s music is a a good coping strategy grab your fun where you find it.

I'm 10 years older than you, so my 1995 was age 29, my own (low-maintenance) flat in the liveliest part of town, a great job, dance classes, gigs, clubbing, chunky high heels, a suede mini skirt and the Brand New Heavies' "Brother Sister" being flogged to death in my CD player. And preparing for a four-month trip around the top half of South America, partying on NYE on the Caribbean shore and finishing at Carnaval in Rio de Janeiro in Feb '96.

It was a fantastic decade, and I am so grateful that I could live it at its best. DD14 is envious, and tho I don't tell her so I doubt young adults now have the amazing time that we had 25-30 years ago (but I wish they could!) or can even imagine doing what we did.

So let us enjoy our memories and keep spinning our CDs by the BNH, Jamiroquai, Nirvana, Crystal Waters, Deee-lite, Blur, Kylie -- whosoever's music you still love.

Are you me OP? I could have written every word of that.

It's natural to look on easier times when you're stressed out.
Mine isn't pre DC sometimes I daydream of my own world, a world when I have no DC, plenty of money, friends and a two bedroom cottage.
It is escapism. How can your H or the DC help with the load?

There's something about the end of the year and the stress of Christmas that makes me nostalgic for different days. I've had a rubbish year. In my daily life I am a little sunbeam of positivity usually but just now I'd love a break from adulting. Oh to be in the middle of my busy clubbing schedule, adoring being a student and sipping 99p margaritas 🥃 whilst deciding which NYE party to attend.

I get all of this reminisce. I'm a decade before though.
What you have now isn't forever. Things change all the time.
So enjoy what you have because in 10 years time you'll be reminiscent about this era. Give it all you've got 🙂

I hear you, but I'm older and my year is 1985 and I'd just graduated. I was having so much fun. By 1995 I was married with two children.

Oh, to have that freedom again, just for a while to remember how it felt.

I look at my mid-20s DC, who (covid aside) are having the time of their young lives and are older now than I was then, and sometimes have a reminiscent wander down the rabbit hole memory of my youth.

I'd love to not have to 'adult', even just for a day.