CF guests

[Gennz18]

We are on holiday, staying at our beach house with another family (my best friend from high school, her DH and 2 DC who are matey with my kids). Our kids range in age from 3-9.

A mutual acquaintance of ours (we have both worked with her at different organisations), A, is at the same small beach town - saw her on a walk and said “we must catch up for drinks”. A is staying with a friend B and B’s husband at B’s husband’s holiday house. We don’t know B.

A contacts us saying we should catch up for drinks - yes come over I say. This somehow morph into A, B, husband of B, plus a third couple who we’ve never met - C & boyfriend, plus C’s son aged 7 coming over for a bbq.

We were starting to feel stitched up but told them to come over for drinks and a basic bbq at 6. We thought they’ll arrive at 6, we’ll have a couple of drinks and a sausage and they have a 7 year old so that will set the curfew.

They arrived at 6.45 - ours kids had already eaten - their 7 year old hadn’t. Kids play nicely together but Child of C is clearly hungry and hasn’t eaten by 8pm and has been up since the early hours of the morning travelling. We get the BBQ cranking and by 9 everyone is fed, our kids are going to bed, it’s getting dark, the plates they brought are washed and ready for them to take home.

We are making “thanks for coming” noises when C (who I don’t know from a bar of soap) packs off her partner with her son and settles back in with another glass of wine. A, B and B’s husband also seem to be settling in for the long haul.

Cue panicked conversations between me and best friend about how to evict them and our husbands giving us filthy looks and disappearing to kid’s bedrooms under the guise of “bedtime stories”.

BFF starts offering cups of tea and we eventually get rid of them by 10.30pm.

BFF says we should’ve set clearer boundaries I.e. set a leaving time (which is right I think).

BUT AIBU to say this was general pisstaking by the lot of them.

TL;DR it’s cheeky fuckery to invite yourself + 5 strangers over to someone’s house, arrive late and then ignore natural cues and fairly obvious hints from your hosts to call it a night?

I should say panicked conversations were in whispers in the hallway not in front of them 😂

Also C was extremely punishing company - a weird mixture of extreme boastfulness, boring work related chat and what sounded to my ears like Walter Mitty-esque stories about her extreme wealth so the evening wasn’t exactly flying by as it was.

It sounds painful. A chat early on setting out the order of the day might have been helpful. Like, great for you to come over, we need to get the kids settled by nine and we've an early start tomorrow but that still gives us a couple of hours' would be helpful. But only in hindsight would you have know you needed to do this. Some people don't read social cues well, their expectations might be set by what they would have done had it been them hosting. Clear communication is often at the heart of many a problem.

I hate guests out staying and yes it’s cheeky how many people but if you invited them for a simple bbq at 6 then of course then son hadn’t eaten and it’s your own fault for food not being ready until 8-9pm! Why didn’t you get bbq on at 6 snd they could eat when they arrived and then it’s far quicker to get rid of them?!

Totally @tortoiselover100

Next time I will issue invites in the manner of an 1800s matron “Mrs Gennz and family will be at home between 4-6”

I don’t understand why you didn’t feed them when they arrived?

I think if you've only finished the barbecue at 9, then leaving at 10.30 seems reasonable. I would think it rude to go to someones house and disappear as soon as the food was eaten. Why didn't you have the food earlier?

It sounds mainly like poor communication between everyone. If you knew A was staying with friends and that it would therefore be a bit rude of them to abandon their hosts, but didn’t want the friends to join you, it would have been better to say “a catch up would be lovely but let’s do another time since you’re already with other friends.” C and her boyfriend weren’t to know that they technically hadn’t been invited, they were presumably told by A that it was a group invitation; and if you’ve suggested a barbecue then I don’t think it’s unreasonable that they bring a child who hasn’t had any dinner yet.

Expecting to rely on “natural cues” is just pointless and complicated for everyone. If you want an early bedtime or need to be up the next day then just bloody say so when everyone arrives and give them a curfew.

I don't think 10.30pm is that late to be leaving if you are eating at 8.30/9pm. But it sounds like they didn't pick up on your cues.

I wouldn't have invited myself over like they did, but if I was invited to someone's for a bbq at 6pm I would turn up on time and expect to eat around 7-7.30pm.

Yes is was absolutely a comms failure, I totally accept that.

We got the bbq going as soon as they arrived but they def weren’t up for eating immediately - they wanted to have drinks.

I totally accept I’m BU I just wanted to rant 😂
But also think A and C took the piss a bit

God, I thought you were going to say they were there for three days or something.

Four hours seems a perfectly normal amount of time to stay for drinks and a snack, especially if the food wasn't even ready even if the guests were late - and a BBQ does suggest food, rather than canapés, so you can't blame them for not having eaten.

Just sounds like you're not a very good host, tbh: take the pressure off yourself and don't invite people over in future, you clearly don't enjoy it.

For clarification- we weren’t eating at 8.30-9. We ate at 8 and everyone was finished and dishes done etc by 9 - which is when C sent her child horn with her boyfriend and opened another bottle of wine.

I think a barbecue on holiday would be the type of occasion that naturally would run late. And it’s also quite casual. I don’t think they did anything wrong but we’re a bit tone deaf to hints.

CF = friend should have said that she was staying with other couples, was it OK for them to come as well.
At least they went at 10.30.

when my Dad wanted to get rid of overstaying guests he'd change into his pypamas and start hoovering

🤣@ThinWomansBrain PJs were going to be the next step if the cuppa didn’t work.

I totally agree that a 10.30 finish is not at all U for a summer bbq. The combo of A expanding the invitation to 5 others, them turning up 45 min late and C turning out to be such a dickhead meant my tolerance was v low.

And yes whoever said I shouldn’t host people, they are right … I am a secret introvert but people don’t realise as I’m quite chatty and outgoing, we all have our crosses to bear 🤣

@Flickflak I found this story weirdly comforting (misery loves company) - why are people so weird?! I would be mortified if I was family B. More front than Blackpool

I don't think they stayed especially late - but arriving 45 mins late with extra people is rude.

You're NBU for most of it.

If I was invited for dinner at 6 I would expect that to include kids and would not have fed mine first.

(Assuming you are in Oz or similar where things are more laid back over the summer holidays. )

Yes @Bussinbussin in NZ. We fed kids at about 6.15 ie were expecting them to arrive at 6 ish, kids have dinner while adults have a few drinks and then eat a bit later.when they were so late I assumed their child must have eaten.
Poor thing! I did feel bad about that. But it then transpired - this is a bit of a drip feed - that he was GF and she had brought special food for him so couldn’t have eaten what we were offering anyway!

But people can only "take the piss" if you let them.

The bluntest technique I have ever heard was somebody saying that he was making people a hot drink for the road. It probably wouldn't work in NZ right now though because it's on the hot side. I am about to coat myself in factor 50 from head to toe, put on a hat and sunglasses so I can weed the garden.

It all sounds very military and not a relaxed BBQ during the summer holidays!

@Offmyfence

It all sounds very military and not a relaxed BBQ during the summer holidays!

I know. I swear to God I’m not normally like this 🤣

I'd expect all the people arriving to bring something to chuck on the BBQ at a minimum! And usually confer in advance to see if anything else would be appreciated (salad - pav - bread - whatever). So a heap of extra empty-handed people wouldn't go down well, but if they came with contributions - all good; no issue with extras (apart from the boring one). The time sounds fine. Also in NZ.

We were starting to feel stitched up but told them to come over for drinks and a basic bbq at 6

Loving the bit about the basic bbq, not sure why. I'm definitely going to be using that phrase!