Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To interpret dh cimmwnts as passive agressivw ? Prep to be told so ! Am.tired.

51 replies

Freelady · 30/12/2021 20:29

So sitting down for dinner.. cooked by ds.

S
Dh .. so i notice.yoy have nor cooked for a few days..
Me .. no. Why?
Dh .oh i was wondering if it was deliberate. ?
I cook.most days of the year. Hr cooks.once a.week. ovee c mas he did c mas day. Other than that as ww have guests , they made own lunch , i did.a.full.english one day , otherwise.we have had buffet each day if not out.
I have de junked for 3 days. Put table on freebie web site. Lady no car. She asked can i deliver for petrol.
Wd have to.drive to charity shop.anyway.
Dh did you.first check if she has anyone who cd pick it up.for.her?
Id assume if she had she wd have said .

I called him a bit of a grumpy name.
Shdnr have.
?! Am i be sensitive. He says it.was not.a value judegement on me at all
Oops.maybe am.overswnsitive .

OP posts:
mumofEandE · 30/12/2021 23:42

I might use this as a piece of proof reading HWK for my English Language students!

Icanflyhigh · 31/12/2021 00:12

Ok I get the gist of the op, but asking her to get her specs has sent me to the next level of giggling and DH is now cross with ME cos I woke him up laughing 😂😂😂

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2021 00:15

so i notice.yoy have nor cooked for a few days..

Did anyone else read that in a Scottish accent? 😂😂

AsYouWishButtercup · 31/12/2021 00:24

Can you go and get them

This has really cracked me up 😂

hedwigismyowl · 31/12/2021 00:27

@WorraLiberty

so i notice.yoy have nor cooked for a few days..

Did anyone else read that in a Scottish accent? 😂😂

This has made me giggle and I have now re-read it in a Scottish accent Grin
TheHoptimist · 31/12/2021 00:43

Beer goggles?

daisiesonmydress · 31/12/2021 11:53

Morning op

Player001 · 31/12/2021 11:59

@WorraLiberty

so i notice.yoy have nor cooked for a few days..

Did anyone else read that in a Scottish accent? 😂😂

And you win the internet for today!
LagunaBubbles · 31/12/2021 11:59

Have you got your glasses yet?

Original poster
Freelady · 31/12/2021 12:04

I HAVE!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
Hb12 · 31/12/2021 12:04

I'd be a bit 😏 at the cooking comment, especially given he barely cooks himself.

The other, maybe not passive aggressive, but patronising certainly. I'm sure you can be trusted to manage these interactions yourself.

chocolatemademefat · 31/12/2021 12:06

Spellcheck!

VainAbigail · 31/12/2021 12:06

@WorraLiberty

so i notice.yoy have nor cooked for a few days..

Did anyone else read that in a Scottish accent? 😂😂

Yes!!

😂

TenLittleDinos · 31/12/2021 12:08

The cooking comment seems a bit off… if he wants a cooked meal he can cook it, surely? I’m assuming no one has gone hungry?
The second comment just seems like a general question 🤷🏻‍♀️

LostForIdeas · 31/12/2021 12:26

That would annoy me too.

The cooking comment: is that an issue if he is cooking instead of you?
The lady needing help: did he ask her if she needed help coming back home?

It would make me wonder if he was trying to find fault tbh.

Original poster
Freelady · 31/12/2021 12:48

We have had 4 adult guests for ten days. Dh cooked one day, and christmas day..the guests one day.
I have done good lunches or we have been out, and in the evenings we have had salad, and buffet food.
Its been really full on ( in my mind) as the house has taken more up keep, supply of towels, washing.. etc. As well as daily walks , communal tv, visits.
My dh often says a comment like that and insists he is just checking situation( in this instance he said was I deliberately not cooking.? I guess it could mean to look after myself.)
Re the taking item to.the lady ,he said he feels people can take advantage and was being protective.

OP posts:
Anonymous48 · 31/12/2021 13:10

It makes marginally more sense now that you have retrieved your glasses.

I don't understand what the problem is. You have had guests, which as you said makes for a lot of extra work. So you haven't been cooking but rather been providing buffet food. Your husband asked why you haven't cooked - is that right? It seems like a reasonable question to me, if you usually do cook most of the time. Could you have not just explained that you decided not to because of all of the extra work having guests entails?

Personally I can't imagine having guests for ten days and not cooking an evening meal at least once. But I like to cook for people. As long as you have been hospitable and kept them fed, that's all that matters. But I don't think your husband is unreasonable for questioning the change.

Original poster
Freelady · 31/12/2021 17:15

I cooked at lunchtimes and did buffet type tea with salads.

OP posts:
LostForIdeas · 31/12/2021 18:19

@Freelady

We have had 4 adult guests for ten days. Dh cooked one day, and christmas day..the guests one day. I have done good lunches or we have been out, and in the evenings we have had salad, and buffet food. Its been really full on ( in my mind) as the house has taken more up keep, supply of towels, washing.. etc. As well as daily walks , communal tv, visits. My dh often says a comment like that and insists he is just checking situation( in this instance he said was I deliberately not cooking.? I guess it could mean to look after myself.) Re the taking item to.the lady ,he said he feels people can take advantage and was being protective.
I don’t quite believe him tbh.

Dh .. I noticed you have nor cooked for a few days..
Me .. no. Why?
Dh .oh i was wondering if it was deliberate. ?

He was not checking if everything was ok if he said exactly that. Don’t fool yourself.

Dh Did you first check if she has anyone who could pick it up for her?
Well fir one that lady ASKED you. You didn’t propose. Who would ask for help when they dont need it?
Second, he asked if you checked FIRST.
So yes his first reaction is to think people are going to screw you. But my second reaction is to think you shouldn’t have helped her. Also that he is telling you HOW to get about things. You first have to check that they really don’t have another alternative (as if people would tell you anyway Hmm) before giving a hand to someone.
If it was someone constantly asking, I would get that but I’m gathering it wasnt?
It feels more controlling to me than protective iyswim.

Original poster
Freelady · 01/01/2022 01:58

LostForIdeas what do you mean dont fool.yourself.? 😀. My gut instinct is that he was cross that i was helping somwone else but that hw felt cross.or.something or.needy , perhaps not.beingnfully.aware of it himself., that he felt his nose was out of joint that i was hwlping someone else but not carinf for.him foodwise.. he had done a big display of.cooking c mas dinner.and i think underneath.hw felt i shd have done more. Hencw the comments.?

OP posts:
Original poster
Freelady · 01/01/2022 02:00

I did.ask him if he was .cross but he said not.. just intrested. I feel.like.he wont say what he actually means in my gut.

OP posts:
Cissyandflora · 01/01/2022 02:13

I’m still laughing at can you go and get them?
That was brilliant

phishy · 01/01/2022 02:21

He sounds like an entitled knobhead.

Stop cooking so much and let him do it.

HiJenny35 · 01/01/2022 02:41

Have you lost your glasses again?

itwasntaparty · 01/01/2022 02:47

I think you need to book an opticians appointment pronto. I've just taken my lenses out and your posts are giving me brain ache.

Putting a buffet on the table isn't cooking, going out for lunches isn't cooking, you didn't do Christmas
So I don't really see what the issue is.