Brother terrified of getting his girlfriend pregnant

[summerflowerbean]

I have name changed for this post, I am not a troll I promise!

My younger brother who is 21 and autistic has been in his first ever relationship for the past few months. For some context me and my brother have a very close relationship so coming to me for advice like this is completely normal for us. So after seeing him over Christmas he told me that he is terrified of his girlfriend getting pregnant. He assured me that his girlfriend is on the pill and he wears a condom every time they have sex but he has bad anxiety over an accident happening.

Brother thinks he is being reckless as he admitted to me that him and his girlfriend have been having quite a lot of sex and my brother has got it in to his head that the amount of sex they are having an accident is bound to happen and it is inevitable.

I told him that the only way who can 100% be sure not to get pregnant is just not have sex at all, however I told him that he's not being reckless and to not worry as long as you wear a condom and his girlfriend is taking contraception and enjoy being young and in a relationship with his girlfriend who he is very happy with.

I don't really know what my AIBU is, I'm just a bit worried that if my brothers girlfriend falls pregnant while they are using protection he will say he knew he should not have had sex. I'm not saying he would blame me at all but my brother would be massively upset with himself for being what he would see as being "reckless".

I agree with the earlier suggestion of explaining ovulation to him. Sex education at school made me uber paranoid. Even though we learned abojt the menstrual cycle in biology, when it came to sex ed the message seemed to be that if you have unprotected sex/a contraception failure just once, you'll get pregnant. Fast forward to TTC and you find even when you actively want to make it happen it's often not very easy at all!

Tell him we’re all in the same boat OP. Nothing is 100% (except abstaining) If his gf getting pregnant is the absolute worst thing in the world, then he probably shouldn’t be having sex and she probably shouldn’t be his girlfriend.

Why would explaining ovulation help? She's on the pill so she shouldn't be ovulating or if she does then the lining of the womb should be too thin to hold a fertilised egg.
Is that not how the pill works?

If his gf takes the pill she won't ovulate so not sure how learning about fertile times is related to this.

Suggest adding contraceptive foam to their protection?

@Lifeisnteasy

Vasectomy?

At twenty one that would not be sensible and I doubt that most doctors would encourage it. Just because they don't want a pregnancy now doesn't mean that they won't want one in the future.

The pill is not 100% effective.

I think you’ve given him great advice.
The pill and a condom will provide good protection.

Has he spoken to his gf about this?

I know she can change her mind but if he knows she’s not ready for children then he might feel a bit better about it. Or do you think she does want a baby which is why he’s so worried?

@Alpenguin

Can you maybe explain about ovulation and the very short monthly fertile period and that being aware of that on top of double contraceptive protection makes the chances of a pregnancy very slim? It would maybe allow him to abstain or do other things instead of piv around about ovulation. The only guarantee of no baby is celibacy.

If shes on the pill she may not have a period, im on the pill and haven’t had on in years.

@Lifeisnteasy

I find it odd you’re so involved in your brother’s private life tbh

Quite sad that you find it odd. It’s nice op has such a good relationship with her brother.

I’d keep advising on safe sex.

Sex, when you don’t want a child is always at least a little bit of a risk. Very few 21 year olds actually want a child and quite a few are terrified at the idea - or would be if they thought it was a real possibility. I don’t think he’s unusual in that sense, it sounds like he just has difficulty with ambiguity and uncertainty. Does he have any tools he uses for assessing risk in other contexts? Does he manage things like risks for travel by assessing them and choosing between convenience, cost and risk? Or research how to cope with the fall out of a poor outcome so it doesn’t seem as scary? Or anything like that? Just wondering if you can frame it in a way where he can make the choice to have sex or not and be happy with it.

Another thing you could discuss with him is non-PIV sex. Encourage him to discuss with his girlfriend ways to mutually satisfy each other that hold less risk of pregnancy.

If he likes data maybe direct him to some charts and stuff about ovulation and if he’s that worried they can avoid that week or whatever. But really I don’t think you should be legitimising the worry- it’s likely to fuel his anxiety.