Not a favourite, but my kids are?

[Jamdown123]

Is my position contradictory AND bad.

So, I was talking to a friend recently, explained this situation and thought it sounded awful as it left my lips.

My grant's favourite grandchild is my cousin. His mother was not great until very recently and he is 45! So my gran raised him, and he views her as his mum in many ways, definitely in his heart. I am not her favourite, but I'm up there. I havent felt the sharp end of being out of favour, but I know my other cousins have / do. Some feel shunned, some are still trying, some can't hide the resentment. The favourite will inherit her entire investment property which has no mortgage, for example. I don't care, others do.

Now, this cousin has no kids. My kids are actually coming in first place for my grabs favourites, and I feel bad about it, but OK at the same time. Knowing how it feels to not be a favourite, should I challenge this in my grandma?

This is not a life or death problem, but is my position of seeing and doing not much, OK? Would I be hurt if the favourite cousin had kids and mine were relegated? I don't know.

Favouritism stinks, I know! Am I part of the problem? Eeek

Is it so weird to have a culture of favourites in both sides of the family?

I really didn't think so. Maybe it is. The friend I spoke to had the same. She was her dad's clear favourite, but by word not her mums. We spoke about it at length.

I come from a close knit working class family who all live in same or neighboring towns. We're in each others lives and do a lot of talking, for sure!!

@Notimeforaname

How do you officially find out you're ''The Favourite '' or a ''close favourite'' ??? Is ther a ceremony? A star chart or what?? This doesn't sound real.

Can the 'chosen one' change weekly or can you lock down your No.1 position for a longer period of time ?
I must know the rules.

This 200%

Where did 200% Come from?

@Jamdown123

My cousin is the favourite. She cooks for him every Saturday. He lives near her. He's a 45 year old man and is often chilling with her. She calls him daily, always talking about him.

She calls my kids most, definitely, but then I bring them round a lot, I'm the eldest grand daughter so I find myself doing errands, cleaning, managing her property stuff! But it means my kids see her a lot, often ask to call her etc. She remembers each birthday, they get really lovely presents. It's clear.

OK, I'm putting kids to bed. I can see that I'm not being very well I derstiid, my fault. It is tricky to explain family and culture on these boards sometimes, I think I've failed not a little!!

I think I'm going to talk to my gran. I do not think it'll do much though!!!

It sounds like their relationship is more akin to a parent-child relationship. Your gran isn't going to have the same relationship with grandchildren she didn't have to effectively parent. I don't know why you think this is 'favouring' him. He didn't ask to have shit parents.

I’ll never understand why people don’t make things equal upon their death because money causes more family rows and divisions that almost anything else, other than infidelity.

Leaving one child/grandchild… whatever, an entire estate and leaving the others nothing is a really shitty thing to do because it will likely cause all sorts of tensions between relationships.

It would be better if they left it to a charity or burnt it than done something that they know will cause resentment.

It’s a shitty thing to do and will never end well most of the time

You said you give her money each month, why do you do that if she has a ‘mortgage free investment property portfolio’? It doesn’t sound like she needs money? If the property is willed to your cousin then surely you’re essentially giving him the money? I’d be stopping!

To add, it happened to my family and it’s torn it apart pretty much.

I give her money because I love her and she's helped me so much. No other reason. If I stopped it would probably make little difference to her. But she's my gran, I love to contribute. She knows, so she accepts, though every so often she insists I stop.

I probably should have put this in relatiinshios. I didn't because I was mostly concerned about being complicit. I might do that now.

I'm not really clear on what your question is.

But it's really weird to have a ranking of family members.

I'm also a bit confused about ranking children and grandchildren.
You say that it doesn't bother you but the fact that you've raised the issue here and have suggested challenging your gran/grab , WHO's 85! Suggests that it does bother you.

Grab is a typo. B is next to n the n a qwerty keyboard. I've already explained away any idea of grabbiness. Anyone still on that path wants to be!

Thanks for some time of the posts, I am encouraged to raise it with my gran.

I think you should raise it. At least then you know that you have tried. She might not change though. I'm also not sure if it's favouritism. She seems to favour whoever she spends the most time with and that's kind of natural, isn't it? Apart from her inheritance what does her favouritism look like?

I think you should raise it too. It is one thing to have favourite grandchildren it is quite another to show it!